it's just me

crybaby day

2011-06-05T14:52:00.002+09:00

or maybe it should read crymommy day. gah.

there is a couple at our church. they have been on an adoption journey for the past few years & it has finally almost fully come to fruition. they are in another country, their daughter is THEIR daughter & they are just waiting on the monotony of paperwork in order to be able to bring her home with them. they sent a video to church so that the church family could see who they've been praying for this whole time. and she is beautiful. and the love shining in their faces is beautiful. i believe those three people have been blessed with each other. what a wonderful gift!

and i cried about the video. cried because of the love shining in their faces. and for the little girl who only knew an orphanage and will now know so much more. and a tiny seed was replanted in my heart.

we had discussed adoption for our family. that, of course, was before squishy & skinny came to live with us. and then we cut off the road for any further squishys or screamys. and 5 is a BIG number. i think i had always planned for 3. i guess the 3 was 3 pregnancies. but then i got a bonus child of my heart upon marrying his father & pregnancy #3...well, God apparently had an extra youngun lying around that needed a home so he got tacked on as a bonus child of my body.

but so many babies out there have nowhere to go. i've followed my friend's blog since before they went to the other country & it is heartbreaking. there are pictures of little ones who have no mother or father to hold them. and her little girl has probably never had a "real" bath. she's clean but her clean comes from a washcloth, not from a bathtub full of bubbles & splashes & giggles.

ehhh. maybe this qualifies me as crazy. but my mom said that her friend, who had 4 children, told her over & over that once you got past 3, it was all insanity all the time so why not keep adding more? something to think about that may lie on my heart for awhile, to be sure.

and then there was a (post)secret (i hope that link works as my internetz have been effing with me big time lately. i'll be surprised if this even posts). wow. just wow. not for what the secret says but for what emotion it drags out of my soul. my babies came home with me. CAME HOME WITH ME. not many get to do that. so many get left behind to grow & heal. and mine didn't. cause God is good like that. but i'm still pained for the ones left behind. or the ones who never do come to an earthly home but instead go straight up to their Father. i can't imagine the pain.

all this to say that i'm ever so thankful for the babies i have. the ones i've carried & the one i didn't. and for their health & my health. but those babies who have no one to carry them have dug a hole in my heart. maybe one day it will be filled with one of them. who knows what life has in store? not us here on earth, that's certain.

shattered

2011-05-08T22:06:00.000+09:00

happy mother's day.

would it have killed you to have said it?

efforts concentrated elsewhere

2010-11-10T21:31:00.003+09:00

cause more stuff is going on over here than i can keep up with. so i'm not going to kill this blog off, exactly, just put it on an official hiatus (as opposed to unofficial?) for the time being. you can find me over there if you want me!

bad things come in 47s or something like that

2010-09-16T22:29:00.003+09:00

what the crap, thursday? i mean SERIOUSLY.

so i woke up this morning. cause middlest wanted her hair straightened for cheerleading pictures. annnnnd no one else was up. yes, someone's alarm was playing music LOUD enough for the alarm to wake up the neighbors but no one in our house was awake. so i turned on lights & wiggled beds & such & everyone got up & started running. never a good way to start the day.

and littlest was a crabby patty about doing school. for some reason, the baby doll needed to come to school today. no she doesn't. yes she does. baby got grounded to the other side of the table. and littlest was still a crab.

and then i cleaned the living room floors. more on that later. just remember it.

and then i decided to go dye my hair. littlest was playing outside & had been out there happy for hours. HOURS i tell ya. so forgive me if i thought it was a good idea to sneak upstairs for a few minutes to attend to something for MYSELF for a change.

because then all hell broke loose. -ish. hair dye EVERYWHERE because for some reason i think it's a good idea to try different kinds. and none of them are the same consistency. and this one was the consistency of...oh, koolaid. heh. that was fun. and then comes littlest whining up the stairs. apparently the road had bitten her little knees & her little friend doctored her up but apparently the band-aids little friend used weren't up to littlest's standards. so she needed new ones. i pleaded with her to give me a few minutes so i wouldn't shed hair dye all over the house. she was content.

and then she was thirsty. and went downstairs after water. and apparently climbed up on the counter & helped herself to bandaids. and it really just occurred to me but i guess she threw the wrappers away because i haven't seen them lying around anywhere? hmm. good job. and then i discovered she'd been gone for awhile & went looking for her & met her on the steps & holy hannah! WHAT IS ALL OVER YOUR FACE? of course it was blood. of course. guess she joins her daddy & her bubba with the delightful nosebleeds. but then it was time to rinse the hair dye out before it ate my hair into nothingness. so here's a massive wad of toilet paper & please sit down before blood gets on more stuff than just your shirt & skirt & chest & face. and finally it stopped & the hair dye was rinsed out & back outside she went to play again.

and THEN i discovered that that little jackass baby weiner decided to pee all over my newly cleaned living room floor. and then not much later, he pooped on it. after being fine all stinkin day, he waited until the floor was clean.

and to top it all off, 1 was snappy for no reason. at least what i considered no reason. and apparently decided that spending the evening playing video games while the world spun on around him with cleaning & things was a good plan. not today, buddy. not today.

almost TGIF. but then another whirlwind weekend. but maybe next thursday will be better. but probably not since dear korea gives us a middle of the week holiday that the big kids get off of school. so thursday will be another monday.

who thinks i will lose my mind sometime in the next 19 years? cause, yeah, that's what i'm looking at, in case anyone missed that bulletin.

***oh, and p.s., more stuff than this went on today. in case you thought i had no right to gripe since my day seemed relatively empty if you were comparing catastrophes to hours. BUT IT WASN'T. the aforementioned events were the highlights.

also. does anyone else find it amusing that i posted something on my facebook referring to a group of people that are just exasperating as all get out & one of the group members responded to the post? clueless, i tell ya. just clueless. but i guess that's the way it is when you think you run the world. once you get yourself up there so high on the pedestal, i guess it's pretty hard to see what's going on down below. morons.

click, click, clique?

2010-06-14T14:45:00.002+09:00

poor little neglected blog. sigh. i keep vowing to turn over a new leaf but every time i do, that little jackass flips right back over on me & i don't notice for about 2 months & then hey! yet another neglected blog post! shameful. just shameful.

so i quit the homeschool group. (travelling circus, stop reading NOW...you're already heard it.)

it was a great group when it started. many different people, many different views, but all meshing together nicely. and plans were emailed & everyone knew what was up. AND THEN THE GREAT PCS EXODUS OCCURRED.

and the group changed hands and whee hoo, yippity yahoo, it all went to crap. for me at least. i'm sure everyone else is happy with it. cause they're a part of the CLIQUE. and i'm not. so poo on them.

i was always the awkward kid. the nerd kid. the funny-looking kid. the doesn't fit in with the "in" crowd kid. and i wasn't the kid that took it gracefully and went about with my other nerd friends, my other awkward, funny-looking friends. i was one who tried to fit in. and by doing so, probably signed my death warrant as the nerd kid who will NEVER fit in. i didn't have the right clothes or the right hair or the right attitude. or the right overly-permissive parents. i didn't have any of what THEY had. not that i care at this point. but back then it was hard. and it seeped into me and now it infuriates me when it happens again. because my 4th-9th grade self creeps out and pouts in the corner while the cool kids flounce around in their name brand clothes.

and that's where the homeschool group went wrong for me. i get that i'm not exactly part of the in crowd with my not-army family and my kids too big or too little to fit in with the mean age of the group. and i don't get all the acronyms and i don't feel the deployment pain and my life isn't totally bound by the rules & regs of uncle sam. but i'm here, with you, away from home, away from any co-op, looking for support in the jungle that is korea. BWAHAHA. shame on me for expecting it.

getting left out of the planning once is one thing. being informed at the last minute about a time change for someone who didn't even bother to attend the event-fine. we'll let it slide. eff me once..shame on you.

but for it to happen again. and for no one to deign to call me, email me, FB me for heaven's sake. for me to have to call around & sort things out from afar, eff me twice...shame on me.

i don't need it. i dno't need the aggravation. i don't need the competitiveness. i don't need the rearing of my childhood's ugly head once a month. i don't NEED it.

so have at it. with your meetings and your cookouts and your field trips. i'll continue on as before except this time without digging up aggravation meant to have been buried 20 years ago.

and if anyone reading this ever catches me acting like the ass i'm accusing these other catty women to be, please do slap me. heaven forbid i ever be an accessory to making someone feel as unworthy as anyone has ever done to me.

we interrupt our regularly scheduled programming...

2010-04-24T14:52:00.003+09:00

to bring you this terribly depressing post. but it's 2:30ish am, no one else is up & tears are threatening to overtake me so what to do but share with the internetz!

leaving AGAIN. sucks. made so much worse by the anticipated absence of my friend. the military said it was their time to go so they did. and i got left behind. and i have SO much to be thankful for but sometimes in the midsts of grief and anger, it is so hard to remember. i left a sister behind, in a country where she is alone and sometimes happy. but i fear the loneliness weighs on her. and i am sad. i am leaving my family behind-blood and not. and new lives are forming while others are slowly coming to a close. and while i am overjoyed to see my husband and my kiddos, 5 faces that i have grown to love will be missing from the scenery. and the beginning of another period of loneliness threatens to eat me alive.

i know this is what we have to do. i know this is what God has put before us. but my human self is oh so doubtful of the plans He has for us. my heart aches. and the tears have begun to spill.

belize! - day four

2010-04-21T02:36:00.004+09:00

so thursday. thursday wasn't much exciting. the usual feed birds, feed us, internet, feed us, feed birds, internet, dinner, internet, coladas, canasta routine. **i forgot about frappes! 2 different flavors of ice cream, frozen coffee, chocolate syrup, sprinkles, whipped cream. not much sleep for the night due to caffeine overload. but oh so good!** friday will be much better...ATM Caves is on the calendar! so instead i'll just expound on belize itself.

it's gorgeous here. and wide open. i've already said it once but this is just such a welcome change from crushed in korea of the gray/yellow/green skies depending upon what crap is in the air that day. so much space to raise children & let them run. as a child, i grew up in the country with plenty of room for running. and oh did i hate it. we were too far out from everything & it was miserable. but i see the logic of it now. perhaps at some point i'll have a yard for running. although by that point i don't think i'll have any little enough to enjoy it.

it is dirty here. in the towns. people are litter bugs & there is dust & dirt everywhere. probably wouldn't work for my family of allergy fiends. claritin has worked for me while i've been here but my allergies are basic compared to 1 and littlest. mold & mildew flourish in this tropical atmosphere.

the heat is cloying and oppressive. humidity sits on us like heavy blankets. air conditioning is essentially unheard of. although the atm chamber at the bank has AC. you also have to slide your card to get in. i guess they don't want to pass out AC for free. i've been sweating since i got here. i'm growing accustomed to sweat running down my back & my front. and i seriously appreciate the shower at the end of the day. and cold water splashed on my face in the interim. nothing beats it.

bugs bite frequently. deet is nasty stuff but keeps the ticks & squitoes away. there's a strange bite on my foot-right in the perfect position to be irritated by my tennis & hiking shoes. finally got smart enough to put coconut oil on it last night & the itchiness has subsided immensely. haven't spotted any ticks on my self yet but sister has found a few. no clue if there is lyme disease carried around here or not. probably, as everything else seems to be.

there is poverty here. education is privatized & very expensive, which i gather leaves quite a few people out in the cold. reasonably certain the 2 night-time security guards here cannot read. it's sad, really. but it is a developing country so perhaps at some point things will be better & there will be more hope.

there is a mishmash of people here. many of the groceries are chinese. there was honey at the market with a german's name on it as the bottler. many american ex-pats everywhere. and the belizeans are black and brown. mayan ancestry shows in high cheekbones & foreheads. mennonites & amish walk the streets in long sleeves, long pants, straw hats. the only woman i've seen had on long sleeves & a black bonnet. i didn't see her lower half but i assume it was clad in a skirt.

when we entertained the idea of south korea, people said "why korea?" and i got quite a few "why belize?" when i entertained the idea of vacation. people should stop asking why & just do what they can do. once in a lifetime opportunities should not be passed up. fear should not keep people chained to their couches, cowering from what the world holds. americans in particular seem to stay walled in by fear and trepidation. been there, was that. it took me (thirty-something) years to venture out of my bubble. don't wait too long...life has a habit of passing us by.

belize! - day three

2010-04-19T11:33:00.003+09:00

so...wednesday. things are possibly starting to run together due to 1-the lack of watch or cell phone with the time on it & 2-the nightly pina colada ritual. i figure i'll be back to the real world soon enough & will have enough time checking then that i shouldn't worry about it right now. so long as the birdies get fed at 8 & 3, we're good.

wake up, feed the birds (what time?...just making sure you're paying attention). head off to the market & post office. things are SO inexpensive here! we got what would probably have been about $60 worth of produce in the US or the commissary for about $15. amazing. fruit & veggies for the birdies. we then hauled it all home & made parrot salad. it involved large knives & cutting boards & a steamer. easy, mind-numbing work. chop, chop, chop. gracie took some pictures. that alleviated some of the numbness. for about 20 seconds. then back to work.

wednesday was also mouse cage cleaning day. (i think that actually happened BEFORE marketing. but like i said, it's all running together.) it is usually mondays but since SOMEONE had the audacity to disrupt the schedule with an airport arrival on monday, mouse cleaning got moved to wednesday. know how you move mice from cage to cage without getting bit? pick them up by their tails! there's a fantastic picture on facebook with me in my mask. CASA has its own mouse colony for when there are raptors in residence-no running off to the pet store or field here! just head for the mouse room! there are about 10 grown or juvenile mice & then about 10 babies of 2 different litters so varying ages. mice-meh. can't get real excited about them.

then it was lunch time & then a little later feed the birds (again) time & then we got to jump in the (air-conditioned HALLELUJAH!) peregrine fund truck to see some orange-breasted falcons. took a LONNNNNNNG ride on bumpy roads to a mountain. found what may have been some slash & burn farming right near where we parked the truck. that was quite mood-dampening. then followed long-legged & fast-walking yeray UP the mountain to a sink hole void of falcons. continued (puff, puff, gasp, wheeze) following him to another hole with a female on a nest with 3 eggs. he had a fancy-schmancy scope he let us look through. it's so amazing to me that these birds nest on the walls of cliffs. she was a pretty thing & we saw her move around a bit which was interesting. the going back down was much easier than going back up. natalie, of the not-as-long-fast-legs led the way. i was in the middle & felt as if i were going to be run over at any minute. we all made it back down safely & got back on the crazy bumpy road back home.

ate serendib for dinner...sri lankan food in belize? of course! i mean, i had to go to korea to try indian & thai, why not come to belize for sri lankan? it was pretty good. nice & spicy. didn't care much for the dessert-wattalapan, i think. it was advertised as coconut custard but seemed more like pumpkin pie. pumpkin, in my book, is nasty. no thanks. i tried to like it but just couldn't.

after sri lankan, headed back home for more canasta & coladas. we were hoping for tamarind daiquiris but there seemed to be a shortage of tamarind juice that night, so we stuck with old faithful. and it was just fine.

belize! - day two

2010-04-18T10:49:00.005+09:00

really it's 6. i just can't get caught up!

so tuesday.... tuesday is birdie cage scrubbing day. i don't guess there's much that can be said to glamour that up. soap & water & scrub brushes & brooms. guess a working vacation can't be all vacation.

tuesday afternoon was a birdie surgery. a cattle egret (korea friends, think of the white birds we see all over the rice paddies) had come in - a week or so before i did - with an injured wing & some of that foam stuff you spray to fill in holes in your house all over his feet. natalie managed to get the foam off with tweezers, scissors & lots of patience but his wing still needed some attention. the veterinarian they use was coming out to the clinic to try to pin the wing. unfortunately, once he was sedated, they could feel around & find that the injury was much more serious than they thought and the decision was made to go ahead & put him down. it was kind of sad.

i did not even try to observe the surgery as i did not want to fall out on the floor & be in the way. so i spent the afternoon reading/sleeping in the hammock until it was time to feed the birds. i had agreed to do it in case the surgery wasn't over when it came time for feeding. everyone got food & clean water.

once natalie was done, we went into town for some pina colada supplies (that damn song has been in my head ALL.FREAKIN.WEEK.). and came back here for pina coladas & canasta. yeray, who works for the peregrine fund (click it to read about it) documenting orange breasted falcons in central america, joined us for coladas & canasta. he invited us to go hiking with him on wednesday to hopefully see a falcon or two and possibly some eggs. with that in mind, we went on to bed with plans to hop out of bed in the morning so we could get all of our work done in order to be able to play in the afternoon!

belize! - day one

2010-04-16T10:58:00.004+09:00

it's thursday...i've been here 3 1/2 days. i can't figure out if it seems like more or less than that! and i've not been blogging like i meant to so i have to hurry up & catch up before more adventures happen!

the country is beautiful. so much more wide-open than korea with its buildings stuck on every spare patch of land that doesn't have a rice paddy. and so green! even in the dry season, it is green. again-better than korea that is still struggling to wake up from the cold cold winter.

so, monday. i got a wake-up knock at 4am. needed to be at the airport at 5:30 and with the unpredictability of dorchester rd. traffic, we wanted to leave 45 minutes early. we left 40 minutes early. good enough. the atm was uncooperative so that took a few minutes. and we finally made it to the airport. and i had checked in online & the curbside guy was fantastically high spirited for 5:30 am...sang me the "brandy" song as he tagged my bags. flight was early getting into atlanta & i had plenty of time to make my connection. flight into belize was about 3 1/2 hours & the water coming in was SO green. this internet here is awful so i'm not even going to try to upload pics. check my facebook-there are plenty there! upon arrival, customs was easy & she gave me a break on the duties for the donated supplies i was delivering. and then i got outside & natalie was nowhere to be found! so i sat. in my jeans in belize. whoo hot. and a taxi driver used his phone to call my sister who was running late! sheesh. what is new? there was a mixup on the pickup so she was late. but then she was there. it was a bit of a drive. i fell asleep.

upon arrival, it was about birdie lunch/dinner time. so we fed them. they get birdie salad, except for the egret who was in residence at the time. more about that & the birdie salad later. we then went fishing, belize/staples style. belize style means using a wine bottle with a hole punched in the bottom & filled with cat food/parrot food & then sunk in the river (we also used lines with small hooks baited with masa). staples style means we had no patience and didn't catch any fish. oh well. the water was nice.

on the way back, we decided to put gas in the truck. only 1 gallon, since everyone uses it. but we were going to use it that evening so we figured we'd put a gallon. $10 belize. exchange is 2-1. yeah, that's expensive! they have full service gas stations here. so we stayed in our truck & told the guy what we wanted. and then when he was done, the truck wouldn't start! agh! we waited a few minutes. it still wouldn't start. so we got a push out from the pump so we wouldn't disturb business. and then we walked home. and then that evening, we walked back out again. all the way to san ignacio. where we had some drinks & met an ice cream guy who makes guiness ice cream? perhaps we will see him at the market saturday. and then we walked all the way home because the taxis wanted $7 belize to take us home & sorry dude but we're on a budget! and then we fell down in our beds with mosquito nets so we could get up & feed birdies on tuesday.

numbers

2010-04-06T18:17:00.002+09:00

6 errands run today.
40 kazillion strands of hair cut off my head.
1 airport shuttle ticket purchased.
1 monkey wrench in the machinery.
30 minutes of insanity stuck in a car with a bored 3 year old.
2 dishes for MOPS tomorrow not yet even started.
3 more days worth of school lessons.
4 more days til i fly.

still 2 cold feet.

oh korea

2010-03-24T22:04:00.002+09:00

so i made it to the hospital today. just another stop in a long line of c.f.'s that occurred all day today. to include completely losing my shit, quitting school, broken closets & an apparent hep a vaccine shortage. such is my life.

journeyed out to good morning hospital to find the usual mess in the parking garage. managed to pull into a space forwards-big no no around here if your car is bigger than a matchbox-and just prayed i'd be able to get back out. met with my friend sunny at the information for foreigners desk who discovered that there was no hep a vaccine to be found at the hospital. of course there isn't. she did, however, make several phone calls to locate me a vaccine & found some at another hospital but sorry, there is probably no english department. greeeaaaat. chalk up another c.f. to the day.

she then escorted me upstairs and down a long line of chairs filled with staring koreans to the family doctor who spoke very good english but apparently thinks i'm going to BALI, not BELIZE. whatever. they both start with b? after determining that i weigh...oh, wait, i'm not saying that on here...a certain number of kilograms and figuring out that chloroquine must be taken for 2 weeks ahead of the trip & 4 weeks after & 3 pills at a time & so that makes...uh...24 pills, yes., and then repeating back the instructions for taking the pills, i had to walk back down the road...no, how do i say that?...hallway! full of chairs full of staring koreans to the desk. and paid a little bit (take THAT american effed up healthcare! and, no, i don't think obama-care is going to fix that problem) and then got my prescription & a map from my friend sunny for the other hospital with no english department, sorry, and my chloroquine to be taken 3 pills a day one time a week for 8 weeks that only cost me a little bit at the pharmacy across the road from the hospital, i went back to the parking garage to discover answered prayers as i could back into one space so i could drive forward out of the parking garage! yay! but now i have to go to no-speaky-engrishy-hospital. argh. did i mention that i was alone? going i knew not where?

but i had a map! from my friend sunny! and i found paris baguette & then as i passed the hospital, discovered that it WAS the hospital, and drove down some little roads (sorry adjashee with a cart that i followed for 5 minutes) and snagged a parking spot without a camera and then relocated the hospital on foot & yes, there is no english department, but we can say second floor! and i went to second floor with still no english but a text message on the phone (thanks, ladies at 1's office!) that got me a hep a shot! which wasn't cheap. guess 3rd time wasn't the charm. or maybe it was but for korea, not me. and i found my truck again on the 1st try and there was no parking ticket sticker on the windshield and i actually had the gps so i could get myself home again thank the Lord.

and the closet door is still broken, and my shit is still lost, and i still quit school, and there is still a hep a vaccine shortage in korea. but at least i got MY hep a vaccine and some chloroquine. and yet another step on the way to belize is down. less than 3 weeks. feet are still cold.

ohhhhh myyyy

2010-03-24T01:32:00.003+09:00

tomorrow is my appointment at the byeongwon for a shot & hopefully a script.
here we go again with medical in a foreign country.
i'm not sure if it's a good thing or bad thing that i was able to identify myself to the lady on the phone & she knew who i was.
shoes are waiting for me in the states.
sunglasses will hopefully meet me there.
and i've definitely got the cold feet.
oy.

and now to lighten the mood...

2010-03-22T23:54:00.003+09:00

since i'm a little bit over my butt-hurt. a little bit. i didn't say totally. anyway....

this past saturday, the ladies planned a trip to dongdaemun and the flower market. dongdaemun means "great east gate" & there is one there but mostly there is shopping. serious shopping. shopping such that last weekend, when a friend & i went to the fabric place, we met a group of women who had flown over from shanghai for the weekend to 1-go to the fabric place & 2-go to dongdaemun. our main mission was for ribbon & doo-dads for hair bows. and hair bow clips. all of which is amazingly cheap up there (over here? whatever).

so the plan is for me to pick up 2 girls & meet at starbucks at 7:30. notice i said the "plan". NOT what actually happened. friday night i was up late waiting for the dishwasher to finish so i could empty & reload. because our dishwasher can only be run at night now. because we paid over $1000 in utilities last month & i'm trying to avoid that happening again. and night electric is cheaper, so they tell me, therefore the dishwasher only gets run at night. between 10pm-5am. i don't remember why there were 2 loads worth of dishes but there were. and i was waiting on the molasses-ass dishwasher to finish sloshing around so i could go to bed. and then it was 2:30 or so. and i swear i set my alarm. which apparently i did but neglected to switch it from weeknight to weekend. and then at 7:25, 1 gained consciousness long enough to ask me was i leaving? and OMG IT'S 7:25 AND I SHOULD HAVE BEEN UP 1 1/2 HOURS AGO! and the race began.

so i finally made it to starbucks, sans my riders who had either already been picked up by someone else or missed the memo & walked on post under their own steam. 4 of us met in the starbucks parking lot where we soon discovered the sign on the door kindly informing us that they were closed due to water outage. nice. thanks, caffeine fail.

we persevered and picked up the 5th member of the group & headed for the train station...trains run REALLY early, right? SURELY korean starbucks will be open, right? AHAHA no. not when most koreans don't roll off the floor until about 10am since they stay up til 2am...presumably emptying their dishwashers. however, one of the 2 dunkin donuts was open. so we were able to satisfy our sugar/caffeine/water/juice needs. and we were off to the flower market!

until we hit traffic. hooray for traffic. we waded through it & thought we were on the right path. what's that up there? it says market! this must be it! and we were on the far left lane to make a left hand turn into...into...into...aww crap. that says grain market! quick! make a u-ey! and we did, cause that's what you do in korea. but then to get back on the road headed in the right direction, we needed to turn back around. in the traffic. agh. but through group driving...turn here! you can make it! look out for adjeema & her bike! ooh, look at the fish! keep backing up, you've got a few more inches...we got turned around in the right direction (after witnessing the costco parking guy holler at the lady in the car who just about sideswiped us in her haste to get in the line for costco parking) and were ready to make another stab at the flower market. which, yes, it was a flower market. but, no, it wasn't the right one. this was the wholesale flower market that we figure supplies the market we were actually looking for. but there were still flowers, and pots, and dirt, and greenhouses, and a skinny little road on the edge of a 10 foot drop off to a creek that we played chicken with some top heavy bongo trucks on. in other words, it was a market in korea next to a korean road. and it was fun. but no flowers came home with me since adjeema wouldn't sell me a single, only a flat. and i just didn't need that many daffodils, sorry.

and then we jumped back into traffic to head for yongsan for some quick lunch & a quick spin around the px before heading back out into korea to head to dongdaemun. we walked to the nearest subway stop where i temporarily lost my subway navigation skills but where a nice korean girl with a phone subway map sorted us out. and then at the next station where my skills were still nonexistent, she caught up to us & got us on the right train and, lo! we were at DONGDAEMUN!

sort of.

apparently coming up on a different train gets me confused & renders me unable to find the correct exit from subway-land to get to where we need to be. we'd pop up out of one flight of steps to find a huge road with no crosswalks separating us from our goal. and pop up out of another one to find another road separating us (this was after some of the crew had to buy a ticket just to walk through the station to another exit). this time we found a crosswalk or 2 and raced traffic to find ourselves where we meant to be. **note to self, it's subway exit 9** at this point we had spent so much time being lost that we had to kind of race around the ribbons & such to try to get home on some semblance of time. i'm the proud owner of 60 yards of ribbon now. and there were 172 yards spread across my living room floor that night as i was given the task of distributing the ribbon we bought in bulk so as to not annoy the adashee who was cutting...which meant someone had to cut it. and i volunteered. i'm so sick of ribbon right now that i threw mine in the drawer & haven't touched it since.

once we'd bought out dongdaemun, we got back on the subway (exit/entrance 9!). during our transfer, we smelled the delicious aroma of deli manjoo so my workout buddy & i raced up one flight of stairs to discover that the aroma had vanished! back down we went and followed the smell to where i introduced everyone to deli manjoo: corn-shaped, custard-filled cakes best eaten hot & fresh. we all ate way too many. but i think that & all the walking balanced each other out. after another short train ride and more walking, we made it back to post & the van. everyone grabbed up some drinks & snacks for the ride home. i think i tried to fall asleep on the ride home-not sure anyone noticed. we made it back safe & sound, albeit 2 1/2 hours behind schedule, and in record time for korea traffic out of seoul on the weekend. it was a great time & once my feet & ribbon fund recover, i expect we will do it again. we're losing one of the adventurers, though. she will be greatly missed!

fake

2010-03-21T23:55:00.003+09:00

today i have been called, by implication, not a "real" mother or a "real" teacher.

i'm trying not to get too bent out of shape. one comment was by a teenager & the other by someone who spends quite a bit of time with his foot in his mouth.

but both of them are extremely close to me. and my feelings are hurt. not beyond repair. but still enough to make my eyes well up.

5...

2010-03-06T15:57:00.005+09:00

...weeks until we are done with auri's alphabet. i think we need to rearrange the alphabet cause the end of it sucks from a food/animal standpoint. maybe we could mix it up a little bit so all the suck letters aren't at the ass-end.

...weeks until i'm on an airplane back to (momentary) civilization & then (awesome) foreign hiking/scenery/new experiences. and mosquitoes/tarantulas/tiger attacks. i can't decide if i should be excited or freaked the hell out. which reminds me, i must call the byeong-won for some shots & drugs. great. hopefully it won't be an arm & a leg. especially since "someone" needs a new 500,000 won orthodontic appliance. esh.

...weeks until i say goodbye to a good friend. the military will be taking away my gym partner/therapist/Godly inspiration while i'm off on my adventure. we're trying to stuff everything into every weekend before then. this military life thing sucks.

so. to summarize, two out of three things suck. quick! someone give me some stuff that doesn't! oh, wait! i think THAT baby is actually taking a nap at naptime. that doesn't suck. so now we're even.

yes! or...no!...or OMG I'M DOING WHAT?

2010-03-03T21:39:00.003+09:00

so...what's that over there? over there on my counter? that's right...$1900 worth of paper. paper that will get me to BELIZE!

come april, i'll be running away for TWO WEEKS. leaving it all behind for another foreign country. apparently i've gotten brave over the past couple years.

so i'll leave behind a kitchen full of groceries & recipes, a pile of schoolwork (maybe, maybe not. but we'll let the kids think i am) and all of the sundry other things that are here, in this country, and not in THAT COUNTRY. IN BELIZE. cause that's where i'm going and all.

blue hair is out until i'm headed back to korea. it's been nixed by she who keeps the mosquito net. in favor of we would like to keep our pretty little gringa heads, please. i guess maybe she has a point.

i guess i'll try to blog more. or at least about the trip. you know, the one to BELIZE. cause i'm going there. in like 5 1/2 weeks. OMG. IS THIS REALLY ME?

the pot calling the kettle...and all that

2010-02-08T00:18:00.004+09:00

a friend of mine...or maybe she's an acquaintance-kind of one of those blurry-lined relationships...is an atheist. not really a stand on a soapbox & shout kind of atheist so far as i knew. she was a regular at the homeschool group before it changed hands-and the group was undoubtedly christian. her facebook profile does state that she is an atheist. and her groups joined-which show up on my page-reflect her beliefs (would we say lack thereof?). i don't pay it much attention for the most part. we aren't close enough for it ever to be a real conversation.

but then today. oh today. her group of the day was the "ban religious child grooming" group. go ahead. search it. i'll wait. i wouldn't recommend reading the entire description. it's more than likely your eyeballs would fall out from the disparaging comments towards the Bible and God.

the stated purpose of the group is to ban the practice of teaching YOUR children about YOUR religion. because apparently to this group of people, that comprises religious grooming. and that should be obliterated at all costs.

and here is where i'm confused. if this group's purpose-as if there were any hope of achieving more than sparking blog posts-is to ban religious child grooming, then what do they consider what they are doing? their children will not be raised in a vacuum, i'm sure.

**WARNING-huge generalization ahead**

as it has been my experience that many times people who trumpet their lack of religiousness pride themselves on NOT sheltering their childrens' eyes, minds, and spirits from much of anything, then i think it should go against that philosophy to shield their children from *gasp* Godly religion...in the interests of open-mindedness and all that. i say should because i think that they are sheltered from Godly religion out of a very real fear (on the parts of the parents) that their children might actually find something valuable and worthwhile in something that figuratively scares the pants off of said parents. however, by enforcing the teaching of several things-evolution, lack of a Creator, absolute demise of the soul when the body itself dies-or absolute lack of soul to begin with-are they not grooming their own children? and if so, how is this any different or less damaging than the grooming preceded by that magic word "religious"? is it not the consummate opposite and, by being that polar opposite, THE EXACT SAME THING?

am i really misunderstanding this? or, like so many other people desperately struggling against admitting the truth of our Creation and existence, are these people grasping at straws? do they really think that by worming their way further into other people's children's upbringing, that this will take the focus off of their lack of hope for a future? or is this along the same lines as evolution-any port in a storm in order to avoid the absolute truth that it is easier to run away from than face?

oh, and P.S.?
"Group polluters and religious saboteurs will be removed and blocked."
appears they aren't up for any form of debate. guess it's hard to defend a stance when there is no leg to stand on.

what did i do today?

2009-12-23T19:14:00.003+09:00

PATHOLOGICAL DIAGNOSIS

Uterine cervix, cone biopsy
Histologic type: High grade squamous intraepithelial lesion (CIN grade III)
Tumor site: Left inferior quadrant (6 to 9 o'clock)

Endocervical margin: Uninvolved by neoplasia

Exocervical margin: Uninvolved by neoplasia

Deep margin: Uninvolved by neoplasia

in other words:
YAY!!!!! 4 weeks to sauna. 6 months til more people in my business. blessings
all around. merry christmas!

what if i've been doing it wrong all along?

2009-12-17T23:01:00.003+09:00

homeschool group monday night we had 2 homeschool alumni visit with us. the young lady was rather jaded-her experience seemed to consist of a lot of self-study in one area & not much of anything else. the gentleman seemed to have had the homeschool experience of a lifetime. both his parents had degrees in opposing fields which meant that practically everything a person might need to learn was covered and then some. something that he said struck me....

also attending the meeting was a girl who had a million questions about homeschooling as she is contemplating beginning with her son after the new year. so our meeting really ran the gamut-covering it all. something she was very curious about was the fact that many homeschoolers do not test. we do-our curriculum calls for it &, as our children attended brick & mortar school for the 5 & 6 years of their educational careers, we felt it would be best to continue in the same vein. she was concerned about being able to track progress if no testing was being done.

our guests had differing opinions on the subject. i believe they were both in non-testing situations. the young lady stated that she felt it harmed her further schooling experience, starting with the ACT she took during high school and continuing in to college. she also felt that it was harmful to her sister who was following in the homeschool footsteps. and then the man said something that surprised me. and i can't figure out if it is because i've misunderstood all along or if i'm just completely wrong.

he told our newbie that he suggested she be sure to read ahead so as to stay ahead of her student. and also to look ahead in the test booklets to be certain that she was directing him in the proper direction for success on the tests.

and this is where i'm confused. a major complaint that i have heard over & over again regarding schooling outside of the home is regarding "teaching to the test". which i've always understood to mean that teachers are not covering all material-just what is going to be tested. (and, after thinking on this, i'm beginning to wonder if this is in reference to standardized testing rather than regular classroom graded tests...gotta get that government money, you know!)

i make it a point to NOT preview the kids' test booklets ahead of time. i have textbooks & a lesson plan to build my lessons off of & i do my best to be certain that we cover all given material. i try to avoid spoon-feeding it to them as it concerns me that it will be a disservice to them in the future. they are 8th graders this year-big high school next year & hopefully college in 4 years or so. if i coddle them at this point, what would that mean for their future? i try to not take it easy on them as i don't want them to begin to expect it since i won't be their teacher forever. i definitely don't include piddly filler information in our daily lessons but thus far i don't think i've missed any of the important main ideas in any subject.

so...what say you? should i follow the alumnus' advice & look ahead at test questions to be certain i'm covering all pertinent information & not spending any too much time on information that will not be repeated again? or am i on the right track by expecting the kids to take the information i give them, the information they are responsible for learning on their own in their daily reading & "homework" that is completed once class is done for the day, and be able to put this together into a knowledge base that will serve them further in their educational careers? would it be more beneficial to be certain they are grasping by 100% a small number of facts-thus insuring (theoretically...these ARE teenagers i'm dealing with here) a high grade on tests & quizzes covering that material or is it more beneficial for their future to expect them to be able to glean information from the various lessons and independent work once they are asked for it at test time?

i don't feel like i am an easy teacher, by any means. one of my kids has a bad habit of expecting things to be handed to them & not being willing to do any more work than has to be done. we've been fighting a battle against "surface answers" recently-where the most basic of answers is given in response to a question without putting much thought into it & without truly grasping the crux of the lesson. i feel like the lessons that i impart to them in these years will stand them forever & that by being too easy on them, i am not pushing them to expand their knowledge or abilities. and i feel that by only pointing them in specific directions when it comes to schoolwork, they will not have the ability to self-teach once they are in whatever form of higher education they choose.

i second the "wow"

2009-12-13T21:05:00.002+09:00

i can't decide if this absolutely intrigues me or scares the hell out of me. very, very interesting. bit of a slow start but hang in there, it will pick up speed!

**courtesy of Kathy Petersen's Blog

PSA

2009-12-13T01:01:00.004+09:00

and totally unrelated to the PSA but it just occurred to me that the title of the last post should have been anatomy IN a korean hospital. i think that would have been funnier. anyway....

so. little sister is going to belize. as in that little bitty country in central america that is stuck to the eastern coast of mexico & a huge chunk of guatemala. she's going all by herself for at least a year to manage an avian (that means birds) rehabilitation clinic as a volunteer. she'll receive a tiny bit of money on occasion & all of her living expenses will be covered so she won't be wanting for anything but extras.

she has a heart for conservation of our planet & trying to clean up the mess that we've made of it in any way that she can. she's followed this heart from south carolina to texas & hawaii & now out of the country. these positions have been (and continue to be) internships or volunteer positions but her purpose here isn't to make any money. it's to do what she believes so strongly in that she is willing to put aside her material wants & completely rearrange her life time and again in the name of her heart.

so if anyone wants to follow her along on her journey-which doesn't officially begin until mid january (but preparations are already in full swing)-you can hop on over to her blog and keep an eye on her. and if you feel led to assist her on her quest, she has a donate button on the blog as well.

http://natalieinbelize.blogspot.com/

i hope to join her for at least a week at some point. which will necessitate me flying halfway around the world again & possibly killing myself on some dang mayan ruins or something since she seems to have unearthed a hiking gene in me somewhere but how often does one get to go to belize? and know someone there?

and i guess i could add as a postscript that i'm pretty dang proud of my brave little sister. try to keep up with her on her journey-i think you'll enjoy it!

anatomy of a korean hospital

2009-12-10T22:51:00.003+09:00

and it began yesterday when someone called me & (i think) told me to be there at 8:00 am instead of 7:30. again, i think. so that's what we went with. good thing i heard on korean television yesterday that a person can be up to 30 minutes late to a person's home in korea without it causing an international incident.

and at 6:30 this morning, out the door we went. into the rain & nasty & down the road.

and i showed the fellas in suit jackets my little piece of paper & they used their badges to let me in the door & into another door where surprise! the lady who met me there didn't speak english! oh this should be interesting!

but somehow an english speaker was located & came out to take me to the changing room & tell me to take off my everywhere? and my underwear? and all this accompanied by hand motions as back up. and a baby screaming in the room i'm headed for. and a basket to put my stuff in with a specific bag for my shoes. he was very specific that that bag was for my shoes. not, apparently, for my head. or my broken self. which, come to think of it may have been easier.

and so i took off my everywhere & my underwear & put on korean hospital pajamas which are top & bottom & no parts exposed (hey! USA! take a note here!) & had the name of the hospital on them in case, i suppose, i ran off or something they would know where to return me to. and put my stuff in the basket & my shoes in the bag & the whole nine in the locker thoughtfully provided & equipped with more sign language to get the thing closed up. oh and take off your glasses & your earring. and no you can't take your ipod to drown out the poor little screamy fella 4 beds down. because men, women & children start off in this preop room with 8-10 beds.

and then hurry up & wait. and someone from the international clinic came to ask questions about eating (11:30 last night) & was someone here with me (1 in the waiting room) and blood type (O...uh...crap. can't remember + or -!). and some tissues for my eyes that seemed to not want to stop tearing up at being left alone in a hospital in a strange land. and then the dreaded nose ring conversation. "you should take it out." um. "you can't or you don't want to?" don't want to? and then rapid fire korean with more hand motions. and then "they will use an electricity to stop bleeding. if you don't take it out, it could make burns." oh. well when you put it that way. and out it came. sigh. and then a few more questions. and a timeline. and this was at 8:00 and they would come get me at 9:30. so what on earth does one do in a korean pre-op room for 1 1/2 hours? sit and wait, that's what.

and an iv showed up at some point. yuck. and then i had to potty. but apparently my limited korean (hwa-jang-shil?) was not very understandable to the poor lady on duty. and since the iv, i couldn't just jump & run for it & lock the door before they got me. so mr. changing room translator was called back into play. and we got sorted out. and then waited some more. and then i got a hat. it was blue & matched the spots on my jammies. and all my hair got tucked in & tied with a bow. and that apparently meant they were coming to get me soon.

andat some point, peace came over me and i relaxed and accepted that i'd be fine. combined prayers of the korean hospital & peninsula & south carolina i'm sure assisted this along. it was such a strange sense, i thought they had drugged my iv. but, no, it was just antibiotics.

and at about 10, as i was contemplating asking for the bathroom again, they came. and "laying down please" as i had been sitting up in the bed & down the hall we went. to operating room 8. and there were about 10 people in there. and one took off my shirt. and one asked if i was married & had baby. and one strapped down my left arm. and one strapped down my right arm. and i think the same one did something to my iv site. but i don't know what because i i didn't look. and the same one asking about my baby said "2 babies delivered normal presentation?" and i said yes. and then someone strapped down my belly and then 2 other someones took off my pants, as i was strapped down & couldn't manage myself. and then someone who looked so young asked my name & what was my surgery & was surprised when i didn't know the name of the surgery so i said cervix & apparently that was sufficient. and the doctor came in & people bowed & he said hello in his british accent & i said hello back. and the same young one looked in my mouth for chipped teeth & then came a mask. "this oxygen mask? you will go to sleep? breathe deeply"..."breathe deeply"...and the beeping & conversation got further & further away and then i woke up.

and the pain woke up & i asked what time it was (11:00) & where was 1 (in the waiting room & i could see him later) & my throat hurt from being intubated & i got a shot of demerol or cocaine or something but whatever it was DIDN'T HELP. and i couldn't go back to sleep because the shot lady said so. and then i went back down the hall to the first room. and they pulled the curtains & put my pajamas back on & opened the curtains & then i went to sleep. and then 1 showed up in his snazzy blue hospital gown & flip flops & aunt jemima hat. and asked for more pain medication. and then things were a little fuzzy & then he left & then i went back to sleep.

and at 1:30ish, i asked for the bathroom. and when it was open, i could go but i didn't have an iv stand & so when i tried to be sneaky & stop at my locker & get my phone & my ipod, i didn't hold the bag up & blood ran up the line. but they allowed the ipod & phone even though i had been naughty & forked up my iv line. and put me back in bed again where i could text & listen to music & occasionally hear my name spoken but still no hope of release. and an xray tech was pressed into service as a translator & asked what did i want (um? to go home?) & if i had any pain (yes! here!) but that was my lower abdomen & i had surgery on my vagina & uterus (well, sort of) & did i have any OTHER pain. well, no. but can i go home?

and at 2ish someone told me i could go home at 3ish. and then someone pulled my iv line. and then 1 showed up in his hospital clothes & then international clinic lady from the early morning question episode showed up & then i could go put on my clothes & mrs. brandi? on the bathroom door in case i needed a pad but i was prepared for all this crap so no thank you, i have one. and then they took my flip flops & i put on my shoes & we slowly slowly made our way downstairs. and paid 1.25 million won for the privilege of allowing them to have me in their esteemed hospital. and then went to the bakery because really? i haven't eaten in about 14 hours & probably i'm a little hungry? and then i got a pretty orchid plant in a pretty little bucket from 1. and then we came home in the rain & at 6ish i took some medicine & slept again. and now i'm awake. for a minute.

these koreans i think are stoics. and i don't think they gave me enough pain meds. so i think sleeping might be the next activity on the agenda as that seems to be the way to deal with this. along with my heating pad.

and we go back to the byeong won tomorrow & again in 2 weeks & again in 4-6 weeks. and no exercise for 2 weeks & then light exercise for 2 weeks. and in 4 weeks i can go to the sauna again. and other things. and then in 6 months dr. park will see us again.

and no more getting sick around here for a year. the medical fund has run dry. between broken me & allergy littlest, we're done. hear that? done! oh. and the nose ring is back where it belongs. and i think i will leave it alone for now. that hurt.

can i get some retraining, please?

2009-11-20T21:54:00.003+09:00

and december 10 draws closer. and i'm IGNORING the fact that it is coming. but damn sure it is.

and yesterday my phone rang & it was the pulmonary department? with a*** hospital? and is this meesus coe-lette? or something like that. my inner korean accent phonetic speller thing isn't working tonight.

and yes, it was mrs. collette.

oh and mrs. collette? your dr. referred you to us? because your chest xray? he didn't like what he saw.

um. 2#%#$^%$^#W$R?

well, yes. and we would like you to come see us tomorrow at 9:40. can you do that?

well, let me call my husband (and figure out how i'm going to rearrange yet another school day & should i leave all 3 kids here or just 2 or maybe they should all come & bring their school books but then if this is sad news i'll probably want the 1 1/2 hour trip home to compose myself and did i say @#%$@&#%^$?)

and so i called him & called them back. and then spent the rest of the day stewing in what, exactly, THIS meant. and then spent 1 1/2 hours in the car (to be fair, some of it included me sleeping) with one and littlest who were coughing their heads off. funny how I'M the one with the pulmonary clinic appointment, isn't it?

and then the hospital that might become a second home or something. or maybe at the least i should get reduced train fare/road tolls since i seem to spend a lot of time there (we won't even talk about the referral i got for littlest today for pulmonary function tests because the God-blessed coughing is back AGAIN). and a different escort & a different department & nurses who loved littlest & gave her cookies & a tangerine & a yogurt drink with a straw. and she said "kam-sa-ham-nee-da" and they all melted into little puddles all over the floor. and then a dr. who asked 40-11 questions & listened to parts of my chest i didn't know i had and then peered at xrays & said...

the xray tech saw nodules (i HATE that word now, thank-you-very-much) & didn't know what they were. but your lung sounds are good & i think that probably they are just some sort of scar tissue probably from a previous infection? so i think you are cleared for surgery. and do you have any questions?

and one and i took a deep breath & littlest asked for another cookie & then we bought a coffee & then we came home.

and, hey, a*** byeong-won? maybe you could tell your people to NOT scare the hell out of people when they call them? a simple "could you please come back for more surgical pre-screening stuff chuseyo" would have sufficed & i damn sure wouldn't have worn a hole in my belly thinking about it for 24 hours.

and if someone reading this translates korean, please let me know. i'm gonna "accidentally" drop this when i go BACK to suwon in 20 days. 20 days people. how's another 3 ulcers sound?

2009-11-01T22:25:00.003+09:00

i think i'm tired of this place. tired of restrictions. tired of appliances i can't read instructions for. tired of not being able to buy what i need when i need it. (a hook & eye latch or whatever you call them for our laundry room & bathroom doors...a glue gun with glue sticks...because for some reason, the PX sells the gun...2 whole racks of them! but are completely out of the 1 rack allocated to the sticks. perhaps i'm expected to just slaughter my own horse. if i could even find one in this damn country). tired of not being able to understand the language...this might be a problem come december 10th when the international services department doesn't open until 1 1/2 hours after i have to be there. tired of feeling out of place because me or my spouse is not one of the few, the proud...wait...that's the marines...but i think you get the point. who knew that in a room full to bursting with people, you could feel so damn alone?

i'm tired of feeling like i don't meet expectations. like i'm not the BEST homeschooler since i'm contemplating quitting it with biggest & middlest. like i'm not the BEST christian because sometimes i'd rather go out on the town rather than stay in. like i'm not the BEST mom because i lose my temper on occasion. like i'm not the BEST wife...for reasons i won't go into.

i struggle with this everyday because i feel like there's a mask i need to wear. a different one for different people. and one day i'm going to get mixed up & put the wrong mask on at the wrong time & the whole damn circus tent is going to fall down over my head, leaving me wrapped in red & white striped canvas, arms flailing for an escape, serving only to wrap me tighter in the trap of my own making, all the while wondering if i REALLY want to make my escape because then i'll have to meet the accusing eyes of the people who came to see one version of cirque de soleil but ended up with an offshoot & now they want a refund.

i think, right now, i just want to go home. not this home away from home where, at the rate we're going, i may be until i die. or lose my ever-loving-fucking mind. home. where i'm from. where my family is. where my friends are. where i speak the language. and there are no masks.

home again, home again

2009-08-29T21:52:00.002+09:00

it's a good thing i'm such a good blog updater. that way all (one) of y'all that read this mess know exactly what i've been up to for the past month. and a week. or something like that.

annnnnnd we're back. annnnnnd it sucks. i think i forgot how to live over here. i'm pretty sure i did. i actually knew some numbers before we left but the doctor's visit today (because OF COURSE we have to go to the doctor the day after we get back), showed me that the numbers must have vanished somewhere between korea & there. or there & korea. i still appreciated the fact that a doctor's visit plus prescription plus vitamin c's for the little sicko only cost less that $25. that, at least, made me happy.

the flight wasn't horrible. i discovered the secret to anxiety-free flying. which is all well & good until the anxiety buster wears off & the emotions it has been covering up resurface. round 2 for everyone! hurrah! littlest was bored, bored & more bored. she shared her yogurt drops with the baby in front of her, played hand tug-of-war with the lady behind her, took a couple walks & didn't eat any of the griped about & meticulously prepared gluten-and-seafood-and-fish-free meals she was given. instead, she ate a rice cracker & drank some seaweed soup. whatever. all she's been doing the past 7 1/2 weeks is eating. it had to slow down eventually.

middlest & biggest did their video game/movie/book thing. whoo hoo. they slept some. that's about it for them.

the truck drives differently-steering is tighter, brakes are more sensitive. stupid brakes still SQUEEEEEEEAAAAAALLLLL though. i would have preferred it if they didn't. i have to show an ID card to shop again. that's a little weird.

in the commissary, one aisle over was a little girl loudly yapping something. and in the split second after i thought it in my head, littlest said "that jasmine?" and i said no. and had to restrain my emotions for a minute.

i'll get over myself. school starts again, busy starts again. once i have no time left to think about it, i'll forget.

oh hell.

2009-07-23T12:11:00.003+09:00

i TRIED to post this on the 20th. but stupid blogspot wouldn't cooperate. so here you have it...a few days late.

i finally made my way to the "old" neighborhood today. i think i had been avoiding it. a friend & a baby friend still live there & i should have been over there early the week after i got here so as to say my good byes to friend's husband who was leaving for a deployment. but jetlag & mommy brain put paid to that & with one thing and another, today was the first day i'd actually hit the neighborhood.

and the neighborhood hit me hard. i hadn't expected that being there would evoke much emotion. our life there wasn't that long & very full of work & kids & sports & things-so much so as to not seem to cause a strong attachment to home.

but somehow, driving down the road to the entrance caused pain to well up inside. and approaching the house that is still ours for all intents & purposes but will never be fully ours again as 2 families have made it their temporary home since we left, brought the pain bubbling almost to the surface. and it sat & simmered inside all the while i stayed & played with friend & baby friend.

that was the house we were supposed to stay in. to raise littlest in. to watch biggest & middlest journey off into the great wide world from. the house with the turtle room that was painted & push-pinned to death before littlest got to spend her few short months in it. the house with all our "stuff". stuff that has found new homes or been consigned to storage.

and now home is way over there. in another country. almost another world, what with all the hours we are apart from those we love.

home will probably be over there for another couple of years at least. and even after that, home still won't be home. home will be another succession of apartments separate from our lives over here. probably in at least one other country. probably with another succession of people that dart in & out of our lives with the rapidity that the military brings to things. here today, gone tomorrow.

how to not get too attached to people that form our daily lives? how to not get too attached to this place & that thing? how to ignore that tugging at the heartstrings that will occur every time we board another airplane, pace another bag, say another goodbye?

littlest has now spent 3/4 of her life in a foreign country. but to her it's not foreign. to her it is where her surprise is. where her toys are. where her dog-dog meets her at the door.

but this is home to me. and i'm trying hard to be the free-falling equivalent of a military wife. perfecting packing skills at a moment's notice. letting people into my heart while always knowing that when their time is up, i may never see them again. except to follow them on facebook or whichever social network next becomes the thing to do. forming opinions of characters at light speed-something i've never been good at doing with with months to work with. trusting people. trusting myself.

trying to keep the emotions at bay while always counting the calendar until the gate calls our name again makes it hard to enjoy the moment. anticipation makes me sluggish and wary of wasting time with the small things. i want it all & i want it big & i want it now. now before the time expires. now before the calendar runs out. now before it all runs away from me at top speed.

sometimes i wonder if i just shouldn't come home. better to stay over there in my loneliness than to skirt the pain of leaving again.

this is home. one day i'll come back. not soon enough.

continued!

2009-06-21T22:16:00.004+09:00

see! i'm back! whoo hoo!

wednesday-everland. korean disney world-ish? more walking up & down mountains. who knew that korea isn't flat? if we didn't before, we do now! lots of rides & a huge roller coaster & lunch out of the cooler & feeding birds out of our hands & boo the monkey house was closed! probably because it was late & dinner time. baby rides & big rides & a helicycle thing that had no electricity-leg powered! which, isn't so great the day after a mountain climb. but we made it around. and we did the safari with lions & tigers & bears, oh my. and a water ride with rapids but ponchos on the boat so we didn't get much wet. except for where the water sloshed in anyway but then there were dryers at the end so you could dry off! yay korea! lots of junk food in the form of ice cream & churros. but that's what vacation is for, right? and home late at night for 1 & nallie to fall into bed as they had DMZ trip in the morning. i, however, had the day off!

(yes, yes, stay dry on the water ride! so fancy!)

thursday-nallie & 1 headed for the DMZ while i stayed home to hold down the fort. haha, get it? ok. i'm a dork. still recovering from tourist-zilla. they got up at some ridiculous hour to head for seoul to get on a bus. they said it was kind of creepy. there were some pictures. maybe i'll go someday. no kids allowed so it's been kind of difficult to get up there. possibly i could go alone since i'm all brave these days & stuff. the kids & i stayed home & hit the water park for a bit. still no stinkin baby pool. at this rate, i won't get to use it til next year! it was kinda quiet since after the water park, littlest & i came home for a nap & biggest & middlest went to hang out. and then everyone came home all at once & it got very loud. and then we all went to bed so we could get up & go again in the morning. see why i'm so tired?

(glad you two are taking this so seriously. but it does look rather like an amusement park, doesn't it?)

and finally friday. sigh. friday? already? GEEZ. friday was seoul day. we took the metro up and then climbed.another.mountain. this one was more like a hill. but sore calf & quads made it feel like a mountain. we at lunch at the base of the namsan cable car-more bibimbap except cold this time. seaweed. {{shudder}} except for that it wasn't bad. then cable car'd to the tower. same old, same old except this time with nallie! yay! went up in the tower & checked out the 360 degree view of seoul. still awesome. really? a city is THAT big? that may explain the traffic.... came down for some ice cream. the ground got mine as it jumped off the cone & onto my shirt before hitting bottom. people laughed. sigh. i got more ice cream. it was good. then onto a bus that was supposed to take us to the metro so we could go to cheongye stream-it's a riverwalk type thing. but no one listens to me & my stellar navigation skills so we ended up in an old people park where they played gate ball & some board game & slept on four wheelers. that's what i want to do when i grow up-sleep on a four wheeler in a park. then the boys found a little league park while the girls tried to figure out where the heck in street-sign-less korea we were. and of course we weren't where we meant to be. backtracked to a metro station & finally found the stream after some hot dogs & smoothies (most fruit is the english word written in hanguel. except strawberry. that is something like dalgi). walked down the stream/riverwalk and found a world refugee day thing at the end. that would feature angelina jolie that evening! or the next. we weren't quite sure. and lots of police. LOOOOOOOTTTTTTSSSS of police. geez. nallie & i decided that that night was a good night for the sauna. so we all got back on the metro & nallie & i got off at the next stop because we SWORE that's where the sauna was. except it wasn't? but it was where all the protesters were. hence the huge police presence. but apparently it wasn't an anti-american protest because then it would have been scarier. still not sure what they were protesting. wandered around and around and around the station trying to locate the missing sauna. FINALLY got talked into visiting the information desk. where the lightbulb went on! if you're looking for the DRAGON HILL SAUNA, you might want to check at the YONGSAN station (yongsan is dragon hill in korean...duh). that was nice. hopped back on the metro, found the sauna & then had some chinese food in korea-yum! nallie was all excited about "igo kogi" (no meat) cause she finally got to use it. it was good food. and then we headed for the sauna. yay! had a bath & then a scrub/massage with a helicopter moment & then checked out the whole ginormous sauna & met some lost koreans. americans showing the koreans how to sauna? huh? that was cool. found a sleeping room with some yos (flat floor mattresses) & little rectangular pillows. slept in a room full of strange women & woke up butt-crack of dawn to hop the metro again for pyeongtaek. took nallie to emart for some last minute stuff & then back on the train again. and that brings us back to the beginning of the first post.

(the only pic you'll get of the sauna. stolen from miss jet lag. did you really want to see nekkid old ladies?)

it was the fastest week ever. i miss having someone to play with. now it's back to the real world of work & laundry & summer reading books. there is something to look forward to, though. i won't get into that now. and if you already know, keep your mouth shut!

back to my real world before that baby of mine destroys something. she has just handed me a golf club & asked me to play. guess that's my hint.

banni-who tried to finish this post last night but then had to go out with 1 for father's day & then came home & fell asleep. who also thinks that while she will never be a full-fledged hiker, probably won't say no if asked to climb another mountain. once she recovers from this one, of course

fastest.week.EVER.

2009-06-21T20:30:00.008+09:00

for realz.

so nallie was here. and by here, i mean, she was here for a week & then we rode a train for 3 1/2 hours & got to the airport & got her checked in & then she walked through the gate of no return & i rode a train back for 3 hours & i'm assuming by her facebook status update that she is finally home but apparently atlanta customs snagged her bag or something cause they are stupid. but we already knew that, being as how we are world travelers now or something. that would be one thing i DON'T miss about the states. stupidity. here things are weird or half-assed because they are & have been for 40 million years & there is no lateral thinking. there? things are stupid because they are & people are lazy & don't give a rat's ass. i don't miss it.

anyway. recap. sort of in a nutshell because who wants to read the longest post ever about someone else's vacation? hmm...maybe PEOPLE WHO NEED TO COME OVER HERE & EXPERIENCE IT FOR THEMSELVES? hint, hint aunt jo & uncle joey. and whomever else may like to see a little slice of asia. room is free, people!

saturday-train to the airport ALL BY MYSELF without getting lost. and dragged natalie out of the crush of not-round-eyes and stuck her on a bus for 3 hours to get home. and i was supposed to keep her awake on the trip as there is no time for jet lag on a 1-week-other-side-of-the-world-vaca but i kind of stink at staying awake on busses myself so i failed at that job. and then we got home. and that was saturday.

(setting myself up to get killed over posting this picture of miss jet lag 2009)

sunday-pyeongtaek market! and city busses. and lots of yuck things. but lots of cool things. and flowers and clothes and shoes and veggies and fruit and cacti and donuts and stuff. OH! and lunch at the indian restaurant which required a quick telephone translation because our waiter's english didn't quite extend to whether or not there was chicken stock in some of the food. but it was good. and spicy hot. and chai tea as usual.

(thanks to miss jet lag 2009 for the pic. i know the label is misspelled. sometimes my fingers don't work right)

monday-hwaseong fortress wall in suwon. and katusa snack bar for lunch. but not necessarily in that order. ksb was the usual. not such a fan of the korean food. ramyun & mandu will usually suffice and did monday. nallie had dulsot bibimbap (hot veggies & rice). i think she liked it. no gyeran. that wall was seriously huge. and true to tourist-zilla form, we walked all the way around it. which included 4732 steps (WITH A STROLLER, nonetheless). oy. and in the seedy part of town (apparently the wall had a hole in it? which required we walk through a market area. and a bar area. gulp.) we stopped for a drink in a convenience store. apparently the store was very convenient to the drunk korean who availed himself of nallie's butt for a minute. yikes! and then we climbed all those steps. and then climbed back down. and who freakin knew that suwon is SO BIG? geez. and convenience store snacks for dinner because it was late & please don't force me to eat korean food twice in one day. but this store had no butt grabbers. thank goodness. however, there was that one incident at the little waterfall area where i accidentally flashed some korean teenagers all in the name of a picture. and i don't mean northern flash. oops. and the picture didn't come out that good anyway! geez.

(betcha thought it was gonna be a waterfall picture, didn't you? nope. this is suwon from atop the fortress wall. way atop. that was the theme this week.)

tuesday-ahh, tuesday. and a mountain. for real. gyeryongsan national park. about an hour's drive away. yes, I DROVE. that gps is a handy little bugger, that's for sure. we hiked up a mountain. and then walked along a mountain ridge. about 1/2 mile up. the ajeema squad that we traded leads with halfway up the mountain applauded when we motioned that we were headed up. if only we knew why. at one point, we thought we had reached the peak so we sat down & had lunch. and it was pretty. and then we discovered that HAHA it wasn't the peak. there's more climbing to do! and then suddenly we were at the peak & there was this ridge. and breath-taking steps & rocks & a korean very surprised to find americans on the mountain! and a soju dance party waiting to happen (but it didn't, for us at least. boo.) on the next peak & more climbing & 6 hours & 8.2 kilometers later, we were down. and i'd never truly climbed a mountain before. apparently we are part mountain goat. that was handy. and words can't describe the top of that mountain. i've tried. they can't.

(the peak before the steps. and the korean ice cream man...only, he didn't have ice cream? only sticks? took this picture. not the best for scenery but LOOK we're on a mountain!)

and i've decided that i'll go ahead & break this into 2 posts. in case someone needs a potty break or a kid needs fed or something. i promise i'll finish this one. right now MY kid needs to go to bed. i'll be back in a bit.

just out of curiosity...

2009-06-11T23:50:00.003+09:00

why is it, when SOME people tell you exactly what they are thinking, your feelings be damned, they are "just being honest" & you shouldn't be offended? BUT when you turn the tables & do the same thing, they get all offensive & ugly? i say turn about is fair play. apparently not everyone plays by the same rules.

great. just great.

2009-05-01T14:13:00.005+09:00

first of all, anyone who was waiting for the continuation of the spring break post, you'll have to keep waiting. i had a whole post typed up & when i discovered that blogger will only allow a few pictures to be posted per post (wtf? did that make any sense?) - at least on this blog since i read another one recently that said she could put something like 89 on hers - i decided to break the spring break post up into chunks so as to get all the pictures in. and then the computer went a little nuts, warranting a restart and for some stupid reason, i hadn't backed up the spring break post, rendering it lost forever. and since everything has been just enough off center lately that i spend most of my time in a fog, making no sense to anyone around me, including myself, you'll all just have to wait until my brain returns from the vacation that it apparently decided to take without telling me to get the rest of the story about spring break. thankfully i have all of those not postable to blogger except one at a time pictures to remind me of what we did.

and back to the whole point of this post. haha. fooled you, didn't i? you thought i forgot, huh?

it appears that i am on my way to being railroaded into another dog. did you hear me? ANOTHER DOG. the dog that we have

- the one who houdini-ed his way out of his crate years ago during one of his first nights in our home, the one who tried to eat the vet tech at his neuter appointment (i still stand by my opinion that she needed some retraining on how to approach a strange dog, especially a strange dog accompanying a very pregnant woman & who is extremely protective of said pregnant woman), the dog who accompanied us to korea & made it here alive even after being fed untold amounts of tranquilizers by his grandma to try to get the whining to cease, the dog who has resurrected his houdini skills & manages to bust himself out of the bathroom where he is confined whenever we leave the house - apparently isn't enough of a pain in the ass that we need another one. because the vet clinic/airlines/dog food & treat manufacturers don't get enough of our money already. and we haven't even had the joy of kenneling this one yet.

but apparently there is an adopt-a-dog up in seoul that 1 found out about during a work trip this week. it seems to be a dachshund except perhaps with longer legs (of course! he'll fit in just fine in our family!) and is of indeterminate age. now, mind you, 1 is the one (haha) who got us involved in having more weiners than we have males (haha again) in this family to begin with. i NEEEEEED a dog, he moaned. i NEEEEEEED a weiner dog! and it should be a GIRL. and we'll call her dixie, because that was the name of the fat little weiner dog girl that i used to torture when i was little (i've seen pictures). and sucker that i am, i went looking. and found weiners in the paper (shouldn't that be illegal? weiners in the paper? see...my head is NOT RIGHT.) and the whole family went over to look. and we didn't end up with a girl dog. we ended up with a boy dog. and his name is DIXON. and he is rotten (see above). and littlest tortures him, much like i'm sure her dad tortured his dixie back in the day.

but i guess the newness of the weiner & the baby has worn off so now we need something else in this house to keep us company. or busy. something like that. and since the foot has been put down about new babies in our house, i guess everyone (except me) thinks that that something needs to be a dog. biggest & middlest have been lobbying for months for a dog. BUT. for the same reasons my mother didn't want any more animals at her house, neither do i. why? because no matter whose dog it is, no matter who has sworn to protect & vet & keep & bathe & walk & clean & play with it, the mama is always the one who ends up on pup duty. why do you think I'M the one who ended up carting the damn dog over here, anyway? along with the 3 kids, 8 suitcases, 1 carseat, 1 stroller & a grandma?

don't get me wrong. i may be a dog person now. i kind of like the little bugger that is currently sleeping on my legs (well, and the bed, since he is a weiner & my legs, frankly, aren't that wide). i don't mind bathing him sometimes & littlest likes to help. and i took him to the vet this week & put my finger over the hole in his leg after the blood was drawn for a heartworm test & didn't fall down on the floor (although i was a little bit sicked out by it). i just don't know if i want another weiner around that i'll end up being responsible for.

but i think i'm being railroaded. which means my say in the matter probably went out the window weeks ago. sigh.

**and right now, yes, really right now, while i'm sitting here waiting for blogger to upload the weiner pictures, middlest came in here & started bugging me about the new dog AGAIN. i think this is their plan...get me so tired of hearing about the damn thing, that i just give in & say "fine! get the dog! just STOP talking to me about it!" maybe if i tried the same tactic about a vacation. think it would work?

spring break, take 2

2009-04-21T09:06:00.011+09:00

the "secret garden" was just beginning to wake up for the spring but was still pretty (even with pre/teenagers in it),

& we walked our little & big legs off (training for when natalie gets here?). lunch was in a hole in the wall. biggest & middlest will eat anything these days, littlest was pigging out on kimbap, don't know what 1 got, i got eggs in my ramyuns. bah. i really need to get over this food-a-phobia. i know, i know. i've tried. whatevs.

next we went back to namsan tower. we've been there a lot. that's ok-still cool. we didn't go up this time-just hung out around the base. took the cable car up & back (thanks 1 for not torturing us with that dang mountain again) & got some nice pics. ate some ice cream & just sat for a bit before taking the cable car back down.

so happy to be on family vacation.

he may be-i can't tell.

all but 1

we really do comb this child's hair. everyday.

cables from the cable car. the pics from inside the car of the scenery outside didn't turn out so well. i won't subject you to them.

since i'm already here...spring break! v.1

2009-04-20T22:12:00.009+09:00

we decided to take a mini-vacation & head to seoul for a few days. would have enjoyed a more exotic/adventurous locale but as we are a little unsure of our (ok, 1's) employment status in a few months, figured we should stay close to home & well within a miniaturized budget in case we need to get the heck out of dodge anytime soon. so off to seoul we went.

we tried to be adventurous & left the truck home. 1 always gets way too pissed off having to drive to seoul & i'm too much of a chicken to do it so we took the subway all the way up, all the way around & then all the way back. not too shabby but for the lack of seating (maybe next time we'll reserve a seat on the "real" train) & that one time on the way home when the train stopped & everyone got off. more on that later.

we left on wednesday afternoon & got there wednesday early evening.

and we took stellan with us to let his family know that we are praying for him in south korea.

view from the window-"backyard" of the hotel

pretty flowers on the way to the hotel

cherry blossoms! love them!

middlest was in desperate need of some haircare & the salon up there beats out here & osan's by a mile. 2 hours later (and after much griping on middlest's part about how long it was taking), we emerged with straight, washed, trimmed, pretty hair. spent the evening hanging around the hotel. had some dinner & went on up to the room. biggest & middlest has their own room (what was that i said about a budget?) & were loving that. 1 & i put littlest to bed & went downstairs for some grown up time. the waitress sucked. that was the highlight. yippee.

thursday morning i had a massage appointment. still not an american style massage but getting closer. what is the korean obsession with massaging in group & with the lights on? i think that is one thing i will never get used to! after that and some breakfast, we went exploring. first we went here:

it was neat. but we decided that if you've seen one palace, you've seen them all (1 has seen more
than one. i trust his judgement).

the architecture was beautiful,

and apparently blogger really dislikes me. and won't let me upload anymore pics. it may be that it dislikes my fancy camera & its huge images but whatever. it's messing with me-has been since last night. so spring break will be continued in the next post.

random

2009-04-20T21:46:00.003+09:00

let's see. where to start?

around here we've been:

1-potty training. this is very exciting for us-maybe not so much for you. check the other blog if you want details. i'll get them up there soon. i think.

2-starting baseball/softball. biggest had his first game this past weekend & his first ever in the park homerun. that was pretty cool. middlest has her first game this coming weekend. all her games are in yongsan. that's not pretty cool. traffic in korea sucks. i don't have much else to say about that at the moment.

3-really starting to lose our interest in school. spring break just left (oh, yeah, i meant to post about that...) & summer is right around the corner. we're still pushing through it though-in hopes that we can finish out the year on a good note. exploring new curriculums for next year. no clue what we are going to do. this ought to be interesting.

4-seeing a break in the weather. whoo hoo! it has begun to warm up & littlest & i take the dog out every day (except for today since it was apparently monsooning a few months early). she loves to walk him but has had a few nose-dives as a result of him getting a little too excited & her feet not moving fast enough to keep up. poor baby. skinned elbows & knees. haven't lost any teeth yet-something to be thankful for!

5-my natalie is coming! my natalie is coming! my sister has purchased her plane ticket & is headed to the land of the morning calm. err...will be headed...in a few months. i have a feeling that i may see more of korea in a week than i have seen in 1 1/2 years. she is planning & scheming & reading & interneting & hanguling & i don't know what other PARTICIPLES i can come up with. ha. so far on the list...hiking at a park, DMZ trip, maybe the (omg so frickin dusty i can't believe i'm contemplating going there again) korean folk village, a korean vegetarian restaurant (if we can find it...snort), many rides on the trains/subways and i really don't know what else. i don't think i'm brave enough to drive to incheon to pick her up. i may take the subway up & then the bus back. which also means i have to keep her awake on the bus. ahem. i have trouble staying awake on the bus. this ought to be interesting. but we're excited to see her & show her this place that we have temporarily adopted as home. i hope my legs can take it. and, oh yes, she is contemplating NCN. cause she's read that that is what the koreans do. and she wants to do what the koreans do. so we might do that. i'm psyched.

(i forgot what number i was on so i had to scroll back up...i think i have ADD or something)
6-2 festivals over the next 2 weekends. the strawberry festival is this coming weekend. strawberries & a folk village. littlest will be in heaven as strawberries are her favorite. i will, however, be in hell. again with the dusty folk village. this is a different one. maybe it won't be so bad? (yeah, yeah, and i'm gonna have 10 kids before it is over. apparently that question was answered today. ain't happening).

the flower festival is the next weekend. all i know is that it is a flower tour. and biggest & middlest groaned when i told them. these are free tours-with lunch included-offered by the nearest big city in the interests of friendship between us and our host nation. it is a great way to get out & see some things that we may not otherwise know about. we always have a great time on these trips! and maybe i'll actually remember to post some pics & a small summary of what went on. mmmhmmm. we see how that always turns out!

happy birthday, baby

2009-03-27T22:49:00.003+09:00

thoughts, ramblings and mourning on the other blog-here-if you're so inclined.

me or them?

2009-03-20T22:48:00.002+09:00

so, someone posted a few weeks ago that her bloggy buddies weren't holding up their ends of the bargain. where was her reading material? didn't we know that she needed something to do at work? (not trying to pick on you here, B, just that i've been thinking about this for awhile & your post helped spur it on).

it's nice to be needed. really, it is. but during this long, ridiculously cold, ridiculously sick winter, most of my fodder for blogging has gone out the window. it's hard to come up with new stuff when you get to eyeball the same walls everyday. and visit the doctor i don't know how many times in how many weeks (including the hospital visit we threw in there for kicks) to get yet another nebulizer treatment & some medicine you aren't sure you know what it is or, for that matter, agree with.

and so, the muse is reduced to analyzing the everyday minutiae of life. the stuff of psychiatry journals & parenting magazines. and even that presents a roadblock. which brings me to my point (3 paragraphs later cause hell, yeah, that's what i do best!)

why do people blog? is it SUPPOSED to be for the blogosphere? to make sure they have something to do at work? to make sure they have something waiting for them when they open up their readers or just type in your address? i can't count how many times i have read blogs stating that it drives them crazy when people don't blog regularly. that they will cancel their subscriptions or just flat out refuse to visit the URL anymore if there isn't something waiting for them daily.

i guess that is the guilt method? to guilt people into posting? cause, yeah, that totally works for me! i have a reader with Lord-only-knows how many blogs on it. lost of people are faithful, some aren't. it doesn't ruin my day if someone goes missing for a week. it wasn't any extra effort on my part to not see their name on the list. don't read me the wrong way, i wouldn't wish anything to happen to anyone. but life sometimes gets in the way (see my last post & some before that) & sometimes you are too busy cleaning up puke or playing phone tag with the insurance company or pulling the 2-year-old off the ceiling fan or attempting to maybe-not-so-gently push your teenagers into being viable, sensible, friendly human beings to remember to post about the puke, insurance, ceiling fan flier or surly offspring. i get it. i do all of that and more on a daily basis. it's cool. i'll let you slide-no worries. i'll see you around again.

the thing that gets me is that i thought that blogging was a way to blow off steam. some bloggers have important info to share. but lots are just, like i said, posting daily minutiae for the world to read. maybe so we can know that we aren't alone sometimes? maybe so that they can blow off steam and, by typing it out and sharing it, get most of the weight off their chests. because we all know that a sorrow shared is a sorrow divided.

i guess i didn't realize that someone's world would come to an end if i didn't post a little blurb every day of my life. i thought i'd start this & hit it up everytime i had something neat to share or silly to recount. i think that the bloggy greed is another symptom of the world gone mad. feed me, seymour. heaven forbid we rest on our eternally busy tail ends for a time without adding our two cents to the teeming world of internet. we might upset someone's daily balance. forget about our own.

and one final point? i may have sorted out yet another reason for my disinterest lately. posting on here is something of a therapy session for me. where i can bitch about things that have long since ceased interesting 1. where i can put it down on "paper", if you will, which has always helped me work out the details in the past. but it seems i have been located in internet anonymity by more people than i was interested in having know my innermost turmoil. and that kind of turns me off. no longer can i use this therapy session to the best of my ability, for fear that it will come back to bite me in the ass. not interested in all that, thank you very much.

and yes, thank you, i know that i can privatize. i could go to the other blog & selectively privatize posts. i could start yet another blog & leave that one in the black hole where no one could find it or me. and those options really piss me off. i've about had it with this garbage of watching what i say for fear that someone may twist & turn it to suit their own purposes & use my words, my thoughts, my observations & interpretations to shit on someone else just because of some sort of something that i have nothing to do with. i mean, hell, if you can't tell your blog, who can you tell?

see ya in another few weeks. unless something breaks before then.

slacker (again)

2009-03-05T00:22:00.002+09:00

i just haven't had the energy to get on here & impress everyone with my scintilating wit & biting sarcasm. several things have happened in the lives of people i'm close to that have sucked up all my time, thought processes & energy. i feel like i'm needed in two places at once for different people and different reasons and i can't figure out how to spread myself between that, the family and school.

i feel as if the world is imploding around me and thank Heaven that mine seems to be, at the moment, shakily stable. and then i feel guilty because what right do i have to have a stable world in the face of all this other pain and need?

i think my girls will be ok. one seems to have a plan that is exciting her more and more each day. the other will cope, as she always does. strong, that one is. and i think there is someone in her life who can draw her out of herself like no one else ever has been able to.

but that won't stop me from worrying about them both. and wanting to sacrifice myself-my sleep, my sanity, my fantastic story-telling skills-to try to plan anything, everything, all things to make their worlds right again. i can't take back what has gone before. i so desperately want to pick up the pieces, turn back time, re-erect the towers that fell but i can't. for one, i can't even hold her hand or rub her back or let her sleep like i so desperately want to. it is driving me MAD.

B-i love you. i hurt for you. i'm glad G is there to do all the things i wish i could.
G-i hate that this happened to you. i'll be mad if you want me to. barring that, i'll be available for therapy whenever you need.

and for other people who will remain nameless for various reasons...i hope things can straighten out. i don't know that there is much else i can say.

awesome!

2009-02-21T01:06:00.002+09:00

how can anyone say that God doesn't exist in the face of things like this?

watch them all...in order...it's an hour of your day you won't mind missing. and much more worthwhile than some of the mindless mess on tv. (and, yes, i'm guilty of way too much mindless mess consumption myself-no denigration here!)

**thanks to S from Thursday night Bible study for sharing!

wordle

2009-02-08T20:21:00.006+09:00

you can go to this website & punch in either the name of your blog or just some random stuff & they'll hook you up with one of these cool things. and then you'll have to get someone to show you how to save the thing because they don't make it easy & for some reason i couldn't figure it out for myself. so thanks 1 for saving me from myself.

one good turn & all that...

2009-02-06T23:49:00.007+09:00

binna, dear friend that she is, tagged me for tagging her on the other blog. next time i'll remember to say "no tag backs". so here we go. 4th folder, 4th picture, no cheating. and an explanation.

well, it appears we ended up with a video in the 4th folder. and for some reason, when i open my picture folders on here, i end up with a different folder than on the other blog. which i suppose is good as i would have had to post the same pic with the same explanation & how much fun is that? AND for some other reason, when i attempt to upload a video, it takes 4 days with negative results, hence the youtube link. i think this is auri playing with her sit and spin. i just realized that that name sounds a little rude. two-bugs & unca-josh sent it for her birthday last year. and this isn't one of the sit and spins of our youth. oh, no. my delightful siblings had to pick the deluxe version. it sings. and or plays simon says. cause i don't have enough noise in my house. it took her awhile to get the hang of it but there's no stopping her now. she carries it around the house & commands us to sit and spin (geesh...starting early, are we?), too. dizzy makes me sick so i beg off whenever i can.

i guess i'll move on to the 5th folder (because we are supposed to be doing pictures, not videos) and see what i find.

it's dixon! ol' weiner dog. it must be hard being longer than your bed. since then, the bed has been replaced by one of those big pillow bed things. he still prefers crawling under the blankets with one of us, though. it's because he's a badger dog, you know. they like to burrow.

and that's it. the trail ends with me. i could tag back terra, i suppose, since she has even more blogs than i do but i'll leave it up to her. i need some bloggy buddies!

wow.

2009-01-31T12:43:00.003+09:00

30 Day Shred. that's about all i have to say.

i did the 1st day yesterday at about 3:30. by 12:30 last night, i was lying prone on the floor & it almost took a crane to get me up. today? my quads hurt. my abs hurt. my pecs hurt. muscles i don't have a name for hurt.

i don't think i'm that terribly out of shape. i have my "problem" areas & then there is the fact that littlest is almost completely done nursing so my #1 calorie burner has bitten the dust & also my metabolism seems to have finally taken a turn for the worst (gotta love growing up!). i don't get as much exercise as i should. ok, well, fine, i don't get much of any exercise-especially in the cold. but i'm still not a lump on the couch. so i'm surprised how much damage that little 25 minutes worth of workout has done me.

i didn't even use weights-as i don't have any & didn't realize i needed them. maybe i'll get some today. or maybe not. if i feel this broken without them, i'm a little concerned to see how bad it is with.

30 Day Shred - Jillian Michaels of Biggest Loser fame. check it out. but don't come cryin to me.

catharsis

2009-01-29T23:42:00.002+09:00

what is it about women? what is it about the way that we cope?

you rarely see men having a heart to heart. of approximately 50 blogs i read, all but three are written by women. most of them are personal blogs-involving much heart-felt writing about situations that used to be kept behind closed doors. some may argue that this worldwide dissemination of private information is harmful to the sanctity of familial relationships-by airing dirty laundry, we invite the public with their judgment into our private lives which could possibly worsen the problem which started the ball rolling.

but women are built that way. by sharing our pain and sorrow, we decrease the impact of these emotions on our psyche. divide and conquer, if you will. rather than keep it bottled up inside to rot our brains, destroy our sleep & turn our family lives upside down, we share the pain with those close to us. or with anonymous faces via the blogosphere. either way, we attempt to rid ourselves of the poison before it can entrench itself in the folds of our mentalities.

through this expulsion, we reach something of a happy medium. our sorrow or pain is still there but has been diminished to some degree by bringing someone into our heart. this someone is usually a woman-who better to understand us than someone of our own make? someone we can trust to not use our words against us. someone who will offer a hand up rather than a push down. someone who, while they may have not been in our exact pair of shoes, has a pair at least pretty damn similar floating around somewhere in their closet. someone who, like ourselves, has fallen prey to the vultures of darkness, deceit and loneliness at some point in their lives and can relate to our pain and suffering. we should be thankful for this blessing and know that once we've allowed one of these friends into our hearts, souls and minds, they will be there forever-no matter the distance between us.

peaks and valleys

2009-01-21T23:14:00.002+09:00

i got this email the other day. it was from my BFF (that's sure to make middlest cringe-apparently moms aren't supposed to use cool abbreviations or slang terms). she was none too gently informing me of the generally all-around negative tone of my posts lately. and it's ok. BFF has never been one to do anything gently. i think it's part of her charm.

i had already beaten her to it, anyway. i can sense that my tone has changed. and not for the better. i'm in a season, apparently. maybe not so much in my physical life-where i'm living, what i'm doing. but more in my mental life. i'm no longer in a pit for the most part but it seems my attitude is.

i've accepted where i am. i don't always like it but it's not eating me alive like it has done before. and things are looking up on the "get out & do banni things without a kid attached to your hip or wallet" front. so what's up with my attitude? am i that jaded? where is my joy?

i can't figure out where it may have gone. i drew back from the edge of depression a few months ago. best i can figure is that it fell deeper into the pit than i did & is taking a bit longer to climb out. or maybe more than a bit. i wish it would hurry its ass up. i'm getting a little tired of waiting on it! if someone else sees it, please give it my new address & let me know so i can be waiting on it.

and, just for you, BFF-new tunes! you may have to move down the playlist a bit. and they don't really fit in with my theme. but, hey, the things we do for each other! i love you! and i'm so sorry for what's going on in your life right now. even sorrier that i can't be there with you. RLFF-even when we've gone international. i'm still just a phone call away.

#%^@$&%^*&#$^W%#

2009-01-13T15:22:00.003+09:00

you know when you are on a road trip & you are really hungry & you finally get to an exit on the interstate that has a convenience store with regular sized bags of chips instead of some scummy rest area that has the stupid snack size bags that are worth about 2 cents even though they charge you $1.25 for them and you run in the store & grab a bag because you are so hungry you could fall down flat in the oil splotch in the parking lot & not notice & then you get back to the car after shelling out $5.00 for a bag that would cost you like $2.00 in the grocery store but you don't care because you are just that hungry & you go to open the bag but it is stuck?

so you sit in the car & wrestle with it for 10 minutes & the asshole behind you is beeping his horn because you are hogging up a gas pump but you are determined to get the damn bag of chips open so you can get on the road without starving to death but you keep tugging on it every which way & it STILL won't open so then you are biting on it & your filling falls out so now not only are you hungry but now your tooth hurts as well & you're on a road trip so you don't really have a dentist sitting in your backseat on call for potato chip related injuries but you REALLY want those chips & you finally manage to get it open but in the worst possible way so it explodes into your face & your car & all your delicious chips are scattered in bits and pieces on your upholstery & in your console & your hair & one seems to have wedged its way into your seat belt since you didn't bother buckling up yet because you weren't actually driving since you've been sitting in the parking lot for 20 minutes now wrestling with a bag of potato chips.

and at this point you're just over the bag of chips so you jam the seat belt buckle in, chip and all, and drive on down the road until you find some crappy fast food joint where you settle for a bag of limp fries and a flat soda.

have you been there? i'm there, right now.

right at the very last point of frustration before the chip bag explodes in my face. and damn it, i don't like it.

just for you, j.b.

2009-01-10T22:34:00.002+09:00

so, last night was 1's bowling night. which means it was also 1's go out night. he promised he wouldn't be late as biggest had to be up at the butt crack of dawn to go warm up for his game. and he rolled in later than expected. but he had a good excuse.

remember "R", mr. "homeschool's the debil"? apparently he is also "general civility is the debil" man, too. the normal hangout is a little bitty bar with about 15 bar stools, 2 tables & a pool table. it's a nice little place. it's...just...little. no biggie. when everyone has their manners on. and last night they didn't.

a fella was playing pool & was in a position where he needed to take a corner shot. which meant he would either have to 1-stab the person in the corner bar chair in the belly with his pool stick or 2-ask the person in that chair to move momentarily so that he can take his shot. he chose 2. he had his manners on. guess who was in the corner bar chair?

apparently chaos ensued. R refused to move. period. his excuse? i'm drinking a drink here in this chair & i'm not moving because i don't have to. quite a few people attempted gently assisting him with seeing the error of his ways but no good. the bartender/owner & the previous owner came on the scene. funny thing that the bartender pointed out? that R didn't have a drink. so his flimsy little argument held no water. or jack. or whatever assholes drink.

what the hell is his problem? again with the sense of entitlement. was this a parenting failure? did his parents instill this sense in him? this sense that he has to listen to no one about anything and that, no matter the subject, he wrote the book. or is his ego just naturally supersized? i will never understand how a person can get to the age of (approximately) 40 and not be able to fit themselves into the world without constantly bumping heads & knocking shoulders with the other inhabitants.

is it really that difficult to move your tail for 30 seconds so a man can make a shot? i'm sure that doing that would have endeared him more to everyone-instead he seems to have accomplished the opposite. he was gently removed from the bar. i don't guess it's a lifetime ban & judging by his attitude, he'll be back in there next week stirring the pot just because he can.

and, oh yeah, the kicker? he was out last night. on his wife's birthday. so i guess it's not just complete strangers and/or acquaintances that he treats like dirt. i feel like that should make me feel better. i don't think it does, though. it makes me feel bad for her.

more crazy

2009-01-03T21:17:00.002+09:00

except this is real world crazy. in the midst of a family "meeting" today, we discovered something sad. the coaches of the 13-15 y.o. boys basketball team here on post have been cursing around the kids. the claim is that it only happened the very last time they had practice. but i have a hard time believing that. so we have our eyes out for this week.

this hurts my heart. i am familiar with some of the boys on the team & they aren't the type of children i'd really like my kid to be associating with by choice. we're limited to sports teams around here so i've sucked it up for basketball season. it doesn't last forever. but before the season/practice even started, i talked to biggest about some of the influences he would be facing by playing with these boys. and that he needed to be sure that those influences didn't find their way into his heart & mind.

i know at this age it is SO hard to use discernment while with peers. some kids don't have any issue holding their own in their own space while others are more subject to being tainted by undue influence. some kids are trying so hard to fit in that their common sense goes completely out the window when it comes to proper decision making skills while with their peer group. it's a hard fact of life. i'm trying very hard to stay out of this process with biggest & middlest so that they can learn the process on their own. sometimes it's hard to keep my mouth shut. it's a learning process for us all.

it REALLY ticks me off that someone who has been tasked...actually, VOLUNTEERED for the job...is not using their adult sense when interacting with these children. these sports are meant to build skills & confidence in these children so that when they play on a less recreational team, they will have a place on that team rather than bench warmer. these skills are meant to be taught in a reasonable environment. i don't consider cursing at players to be a reasonable environment.

granted, 1 and i aren't perfect angels when it comes to keeping our words consistently civil. but i have NEVER until last night heard biggest use anything near a curse word. he's been playing ball with this group for 3 weeks. it leads me to believe that this new found vocabulary wasn't picked up around here. he confirmed that when he told us that most of the players on his team use those words on a regular basis. which is to be expected, i suppose. most of them live on an army post where the soldiers don't know to watch their mouths-i've been witness to that myself. but i don't live on an army post & neither does biggest. i'd appreciate it if the adults responsible for my child several times a week would watch their mouths during their interactions. we're keeping an eye on the situation for the next week. if it doesn't improve, it will go higher up. if it still doesn't improve, i'm gonna have a little talk with the coaches. i'm sure it will embarrass the pieces out of biggest. eventually he will get over it.

he tells us that no one else really cares about the potty mouths on the court. i refuse to be the parent that doesn't care. i can't control everything but you can believe that i am going to work to take care of the things that need to be controlled. i'm learning how to choose my battles. i think this is one worth fighting.

i GOT your crazy!

2009-01-03T21:13:00.002+09:00

much better than the real thing!

but then the baby woke up...

2009-01-02T01:43:00.002+09:00

this has been the story of my life lately. everytime i've started ANYTHING, that baby woke up. that's why i've posted the same damn thing to both blogs - i'm afraid to try to come up with new material. i'm afraid it will be tempting fate. case in point? the second i opened this posting window, we heard her little voice drifting out of her room. "mama? mama? MAMA!" i sent 1 in to deal with it but she wasn't having it. it's nice to be needed but sometimes i need to be not needed. especially in the middle of the night. if 3:30 am still qualifies as the middle of the night. i think it's closer to morning, personally. yes, i know this is posting at 2:30 am. 3:30 was the other night.

so i guess i'm a slacker. there hasn't been any post about my new year or my old year or here's what i want for my next year or this is what was accomplished in my last year. i can't decide if it's because nothing really interesting happens around here or too much interesting happens around here or, oh, hell, just read my sporadic posts for the past couple of months if you want to catch the highlights.

a few random things i've learned:

1-don't plan anything. the baby will wake up. forget about showers until 1 is home & save up those tv shows until she is 19 & out of the house where, if she doesn't want to sleep through the night, it's no longer your problem.

2-don't curse the kitchen. it will fight back & you will spend the rest of the day & the foreseeable future on the couch fighting with 1 and the dog for blanket space & going through bandaids like you were going through midori sours last night. yeah, i was watching. i know what you did last year.

3-teenagers & preteens. don't try to plan anything family related. it causes them to sprout wings & fly away before you've even got the plans out of your mouth. unless you're planning on buying them something interesting. like a skateboard or an archie book. then you can't get rid of them anymore than you can get stop grocery shopping for the ungrateful buggers. i'm just sayin'...if someone has a personal shopper they want to loan me, i won't turn it down.

4-this isn't really something i learned. it's more a question. how the hell is it that your fingers & toes are furthest from your brain but hurt the most when injured?

on that note - i must go beat 1 about the face & head as he just grazed my injured self & the 1/2 a percocet hasn't kicked in yet so i'm suddenly quite grouchy. i think i've entertained you all enough for now with my awesome new year's randomness instead of another same old, same old happy go lucky post. you love me. you know it.

we interrupt this rant to bring you...

2008-12-17T21:05:00.002+09:00

a different rant!

you know how sometimes you have your day all set up & then something stupid happens that causes it to all come crashing down around your ears? well, that was my evening.

middlest had basketball practice tonight. the original plan is for middlest & biggest to walk/ride the bus to practice - thus not forcing me to drive all over God's green earth 4 times a week (we've finally discovered the joys of having children on two different teams in the same sport. with practices on opposite days. but games on the same day. argh.) but today it was raining. and i needed to grocery shop. and hit the library. so basically, if anyone is counting, i needed to be in three places at once...cooking dinner, grocery shopping & taking middlest to the gym. oh, yes, and then later was supposed to be at a basketball meeting

1 volunteered to take middlest to the gym so that i only had to be in two places at once. and that was just fine b/c what mama isn't used to being in two places at one time? and that's when it all came crashing down. it started with this phone call. "uh, you're going to have to cancel or reschedule grocery shopping. (not so easy when there is NO FOOD IN THE HOUSE since we spent the weekend in 1-seoul or 2-traffic) my car overheated & i don't think i should drive it." see, i could take the baby to the grocery store. but i learned a couple of months ago that with a littlest like i have - houdini-esque you could say - you don't take her to the grocery store unless you have back-up. which doesn't work very well, either, as the back-up is very good at asking for everything. which means that i usually end up spending about two times as much on groceries as i normally do. so back-up is really better known as fill-up (the cart, that is). so i don't take littlest to the grocery store if i can help it. so we still have no groceries.

because shortly after the overheating phone call, i got another phone call. and this time 1 & his hot-rod were broken down, of all places, directly in front of the front gate. and he was begging for antifreeze. oh for pete's sake. at least littlest had clothes on. hair wasn't combed but at least she had clothes. race over to post, locate the antifreeze, bite the head off the guy in the gas station who was kind enough to offer to help even after having his head bitten off (yes, i apologized), drove back around post with said antifreeze, car starts. thank goodness. break the traffic rules getting out of the gate to journey down the street so the mechanic who should know us by name & have us on his christmas card list at this point can look at the hot rod & tell us that the water pump has gone out.

so we're back to being a one car family. and i've decided that, but for the exchange rate, the car is, by all rights, totalled by now. as we've spent as much, in won, on it as we spent, in dollars, to purchase it. the next thing that goes out on that bugger, the bugger itself goes. 1 loves his hot rod but, dangit, i refuse to spend anything else on it. forget it. not gonna happen.

so let's recap.
groceries gotten? nope
library trip? nope again
dinner cooked? actually, yes, but then had to be reheated & just wasn't the same
basketball meeting attended? yes, again. by the whole collette/coaxum family. that was ridiculous.

it's christmas time. i don't want to spend money on a gosh-darn car. blah. a radiator, window motor, window regulator, door lock & water pump later, let's pray this is the end of it. if not, i have a sneaking suspicion that hot rod is gonna find himself in the han river. if you see it on the news, forget you know me.

and the rant goes on

2008-12-11T11:26:00.004+09:00

You didn't think I'd forget, did you?

Ah, yes, breastfeeding. Nature's first food. Asshole's second target.

Somehow he managed to draw a parallel between homeschool & breastfeeding. I THINK it had something to do with mamas having issues with letting their children go, thus keeping them home for school & also encouraging extended breastfeeding. I think that's where it came from. This was the second part of his monologue so I may have been confused by all the BS the first part held.

I was (quite luckily, I might add) informed of the fact that DOCTORS (oh, very important! i better listen up!) have said that breastfeeding past 4 months is BAD for babies! And does anyone want to know the reason that doctors say this? (looks around to make sure everyone is paying very close attention) It's because of the PAIN involved to the mother due to the fact that at 4 months, most babies are teething. Yes, that's right, folks! You heard it here! Everybody put away that boob right now if your baby is more than 4 months old! Don't you know that the fact that baby MAY at this point in his life be teething &, therefore, could cause a little pain to your boobies at some point is MUCH MORE IMPORTANT than the antibodies, health benefits and generalized well-being that nursing imparts? *coughcoughbullshitcoughcough** I took a deep breath. The bar has a new owner & I'm still trying to make friends so I didn't want to make a scene. But if some jackass 40 year old with one child & no boobs thinks he's going to tell me that breastfeeding mothers are doing irreparable damage to their children by feeding them the way God intended and that I would smile & nod & agree with him, he had another think coming. The entire time he was rambling along, I had my eyes on 1. Who was biting his lip & watching me out of the corner of his eye. Possibly waiting for me to explode. He's known me too long.

Here's what my research tells me. Nursing with no other form of supplement or food is recommended until the age of 6 months. Nursing a child provides that child with antibodies from the mother, provides them with the proper amount of calories to help them grow without becoming little fatties, creates a bond between mother & child that, in my opinion, cannot be matched, produces children with fewer (I did not say no) allergies and promotes mental & physical development. One of my mother's favorite sayings is that breastmilk builds brains, not bones. Not to mention the convenience (no stumbling to the kitchen in the middle of the night to groggily mix a bottle), the smaller amount of "stuff" that has to fit in the diaper bag, never having to worry if the milk is at the proper temperature. This list could take over my blog. Once baby food and, eventually, table food is started, supplemental nursing to one year is accepted in most pediatric circles. Should a family take a "no vaccination" or even "selective vaccination" stance, breastfeeding is recommended until the age of 2, due to the additional antibodies & health benefits imparted by mother's milk.

We are a selective vaccination (at least for littlest) family. Had I known as much about vaccines with middlest as I do now, I may well have been even more selective that I was. (middlest is allergic to pertussis vaccine and to this day does not get it). That & if I had had a more parent-supporting pediatrician at the time, that probably would have helped too. But I digress, as usual.

Littlest is still nursing. She will be 21 months 2 days after Christmas. We are down to morning, nap & night. She asks to nurse several times during the day but, for the most part, does not get it. Littlest has a wheat allergy &, as such, her diet is rather limited. Nursing does not take the place of any meals but I do feel that it supplements her nutrition enough that she is not in need of any additional vitamins or medical intervention of any sort. I am seeing signs that our nursing journey is coming to an end but am not forcing it. Apparently I have also become a member of the child-led weaning camp (or is it cult, R? hahaha!), as well. Also there is the fact that littlest has not had an ear infection in her life. Lots of children littlest's age that I know have had quite a few & several already have tubes in their ears. I'm not saying that this can definitely be attributed solely to their mothers' decisions to nurse or not. I understand that genetics play a big part in health. I'm reasonably healthy and, as such, so are my girls. But I do feel that nursing littlest this long has certainly played a big part in keeping her healthy. To date, she has had several colds, a case of the stomach flu (thanks, dad!), one case of undetermined cause of barfing all night and a case of roseola. All normal childhood issues. Nothing out of the ordinary.

R rambled on for awhile about breastfeeding & when 1 could get a word in edgewise, he spoke up. The look on that man's face when he found out that littlest is 20 months & still nursing was close to priceless. To his credit, he didn't backtrack on his views. He just continued to spew out more ridiculousness. We did our best to defend our stance but when you are dealing with an arrogant idiot of this caliber, there is no penetrating his armor. He has girded himself with stupidity for so long that he has finally managed to convince himself that he is right, be all & end all.

Next up - the breastfeeding/homeschooling cult. AKA "why I should move to California".

Oh, and Belynda? I'll fight you for first in line. Bring your easter eggs, traffic cones & forks. (how'd ya like that plug?! )

caution...rant/tirade ahead

2008-12-07T23:29:00.000+09:00

If someone comes up with a miracle drug to rid the world of assholes, please do let me know. I’ll be first in line to purchase.

1 & I went out for a bit Friday night. (Ok, well, I went out for a bit & came home due to mommy guilt. He stayed out for quite a bit & boy did he pay for it the next day & the next. Hungover people can be quite annoying. Nuff said). So we're sitting at the bar & some fella (R) walks in. Apparently 1 knows him. He introduces me & the first thing R says is "homeschooler, huh?" And I’m all "how did you know" which, of course, if 1 knows him, maybe that's how he knows. But I don't know how well 1 knows him so I discount that idea for the moment. The 2nd thing R says is "you've just got that ultra conservative look about you." !!! And he says it with a look on his face like he just bit into something nasty. And then the fun begins.

That man is apparently against EVERYTHING I am "for". Or, as will be revealed, have been "for" at some time in my life. I was treated to an oral dissertation on how homeschooling beyond 6th grade is a grave disservice to children, that breastfeeding beyond 4 months is NOT recommended by doctors, that it is "interesting" that middlest's bio-asshole (see! another one!) is black & that homeschoolers who breastfeed past 4 months are a cult. Oh, yeah, and that I should move to California because I’d fit in well there. There may have been more but by that point, I had decided it was either tune out or get out & it was way too cold to venture back out yet.

This man is 40 years old, has one daughter the same age as middlest & apparently thinks he owns the world & all the information in it. Thus, anyone who disagrees with his narrow-minded &, at times, incorrect & backed up by research incorrect views must be beat about the head with said views until they fall down on the floor & acquiesce to his larger brain, thus assuaging his super ego which was the whole point of the treatise to begin with. I could not believe his audacity.

First he attacked our decision to homeschool. I’ve had to defend it before so that was no big deal. Sometimes I attack our decision to homeschool after a particularly miserable week, or day, or hour. I’m ok with that. Practice makes perfect. He had all kinds of reasons for why homeschool is a poor decision. Let’s see if I can recall...

1-the socialization myth. Good try. Biggest & middlest have all kinds of buddies on post. They don't see them every day (see: miserable day) but do see them at least every weekend, if not more. With basketball season starting up, they'll see them even more. I don't keep my kids isolated in my home. If we were in the states there would be even more of an exposure to other people. Alas, homeschool co-ops here = nonexistent in this area so we make do with what we've got. Neither one of these children is lacking in social skills. Cleaning skills? Listening skills? Acting like a decent human being rather than a teenager skills? Yes! Social skills? No!
2-socialization myth spin-off. Something along the lines of if my children were in public school, they would ALREADY KNOW ALL ABOUT SEX & SEXUALITY & therefore wouldn’t have any curiosity about it. Part of his "research" to substantiate this pig-headed opinion was that a "friend" of his homeschooled & sent her 2 children off to college in other states. One of them came home pregnant 8 months later. (don’t people always have friends of the same race, color, creed or mentality of the people they are currently de-
meaning?) That’s plain out & out stupid. My children don’t NEED to be exposed to garbage to make them “normal”. Again, they are not completely sheltered in our home. Their father & I allow them freedoms based on their age & our estimation of their maturity level. This does not include movies based on gratuitous sexuality, pornography or video games with sexuality or great amounts of profanity. I know that they have both seen & heard & played these things before since, try as I might, I cannot control the world, other people’s children, other children’s parents or bio-idiots. But they don’t get that garbage in my home. They’ll be out there in that big, bad world soon enough. My job is to give them enough of a moral background to stand on to support themselves in all manners - social, moral, intellectual, logical - the list could go on. Should they choose to take a different road than the one I set them on, I can only hope & pray that they find their way home again quickly. I feel that garbage in = garbage out (as they have proven to me in the past). I refuse to feed the landfill.
3-And I can’t forget the blurb where told me something about “if your daughter goes off to college with her virginity intact…blah, blah, blah”. I had tuned out the sex talk at that point. I really wonder what he will do the first time he walks in on his daughter in bed with her boyfriend. Break out the champagne?

I think I’ve pretty much covered the gist of his stance on homeschooling. Are you disgusted yet? I was. I haven’t figured out why I stayed around for my ears to be further abused. I’ll have to plea the BELOW FREEZING weather outside. We hadn’t been there for that long & I really wasn’t ready to brave it yet again. And since this post is threatening to turn into a massive book, I think I’ll continue it further next post. Stay tuned!

Globetrotters!

2008-12-04T00:07:00.015+09:00

we had the privilege of seeing the Harlem Globetrotters tonight. they came to the next base up so we made the trip, along with 5 kids - 2 of whom aren't even ours but we all know teenagers travel in packs, right? - and 2 cars, and spent 2 1/2 hours watching some hilarious basketball.

excuse the shakiness of some of these videos. i had a 20 month old on my lap who thought that poking the camera was a good past time. and the video quality isn't that great, anyway, as it was my still camera that i was using to shoot.

first up - the beginning warm up. or parts of it, at least.

second up - more warm up. or "holy tits, that dude is TALL"

third - middlest helping out with the YMCA. what a cool kid. (she's the one in the orange shirt)

and last but not least - just more of what those guys do so well!

confused...

2008-11-13T23:45:00.004+09:00

if we are NOT supposed to see color, then why is everybody so up in arms about a "black" man being elected to the presidency? (black in quotes on account of the fact that both his parents are not black...but people like to forget that in favor of his father's race as that is much more "attention getting" & "history making" than a "mulatto" man being elected...did i mention how much i hate that word?)

i've read posts about people getting their children up in the middle of the night to watch election returns & "history being made".

i'm sure i'll get a beatdown about this if enough people get ahold of it. yeah, ask me if i care. noncomformity seems to have always been my middle name, in one way or another. i may not please you. and? your point?

shouldn't we be more concerned about what will happen to the government of our country & the BELIEFS of the people running it than what color their skin is? are we supposed to think that because he is black...excuse me, half black...that he will be the be-all & end-all to the country's woes? is his racial background going to ensure that he can straighten out the mess that America is in? will his experiences as a half black man make it any easier to drain the cess pool that American has become?

but we're not supposed to see color. we should see the man who professes "change" for everyone. a man who promises that he will turn the country around for better for everyone. the man who has taken on one hell of a job. a man who needs more support for his job and less for his history making status.

yes, it is something different. yes, just the very fact of a man of color being elected to run America is something we've never, ever seen before. yes, to that end he has caused "change". but until he actually changes the climate of American politics, economy, day-to-day living, i'll have to pass him off as just another man. he'll garner a bit of my respect that is due his position. but if anyone is expecting me to profess him my messiah, to fall down on my face to him BEFORE i see any results? well, the whole messiah thing will never happen. neither will i worship a mere man. but neither will i put him on a pedestal just because he has overcome centuries of anger & hate. don't get me wrong. i'm glad he achieved a milestone. hooray for him. but if he does nothing more for the country than past leaders have done, then does he deserve to go down in history as any more than just another president? or will he always be upheld in front of the masses because he's half black?

it scares the hell out of me that a lot of people voted for the man based on his skin, rather than his values. i can't agree with most of what he stands for. i'll hold true to that-no matter his color.

and the cloud lifts...

2008-11-07T12:33:00.002+09:00

i had gotten really close to the bottom. not like rock bottom where the druggies & such hang out but the bottom. feeling so low about lonely and homesick and way too much interaction with adolescents & toddlers and nowhere near enough with adults.

everything was suffering. NOT that i'm the nicest person in the world but whoa was i worse than usual. school wasn't getting the attention it needed-that is so bad for so many reasons. 1 probably wasn't feeling very loved around here. the house probably wasn't feeling very loved around here. i don't think anyone was feeling very loved around here. i just didn't much care about all that because i couldn't see around the black cloud that enveloped me in all ways.

and then i did that naked thing. (i'm not an elephant-see previous post). and had a good meeting with ladies who are of like-mind to me. (where someone prayed & thanked God for me as i have brought encouragement. me? encouraging? well, that's different!) and then went out & found a new restaurant. (is it ironic that i had NEVER had thai or indian food before i came to korea? i mean, wtf? guess when i get out of the box, i get out of the box!) and then had dinner with more lady friends where there was grown up conversation & laughter &, while there were kids in attendance, they weren't my kids so i wasn't the one putting kids back in seats & asking 7300 times about what they wanted to eat & reminding them to chew with their mouth shut & not poke their sister.

and i took a deep breath. and decided that maybe this place isn't so bad after all. and maybe there really is a reason i'm meant to be here. and that sometimes it is ok to let my guard down & put myself out there because not everyone is ugly. and that if sometimes i give it a chance, good things can happen. and it took me a year to become semi-satisfied with my current chapter but i think now i am. and now i can get back to a rhythm of life where everything isn't hopeless & cloudy & gray. and now everyone can have me back-me included. i've been in the hole before but last time it took some assistance to claw myself out. seems this time i've been able to do it on my own. maybe not quite on my own...let's say that i may have finally-after 32 years-discovered the power of prayer. and that i'm not ever truly alone. it took so long to get here...i think i'll stay for awhile.

yet another korean adventure

2008-11-03T00:23:00.003+09:00

i went to a spa/sauna last night. except for briefly offending my western sensibilities a few times...oh my gosh it was AWESOME!

when you first walk in, you take your shoes off, pay & they hand you 2 towels & a set of clothes. it's really thin shorts & a top. i guess maybe like what i imagine a gym uniform to be (never had those when i went to school). your shoes go in a locker & you go into another room & get a key for a second locker. and then the fun begins!

you take off ALL your clothes. every single piece. um, yes, that includes your underpants. you can put a towel in front of you but it's about the size of a handtowel so it only covers right above your boobies & then falls right below your other stuff. yeah, that means your butt is NAKED out there for the world to see. then you take your naked self and your itty bitty towel into another room with lots of other naked people. this one had 3 hot tubs & one cold tub. i hear that the idea is you get in the hot tub & boil yourself for awhile & then you go jump in the cold tub & your very open pores squoosh shut & force out all the ick. fantastic visual, huh? we did that a couple of times (except i wasn't jumping-i despise cold water). then we went into the wet sauna rooms. those were nice unless you leaned back against the walls which are all rocks and/or mud. they don't use concrete because toxins leach out of it what with it being exposed to heat/moisture at such high rates all the time. and then you jump in the cold tub again (or ease in so you don't give yourself a heart attack). and then we went & sat in the hot tub again until the massage/scrub lady came to get us.

out of all the people in there, the massage/scrub ladies were the only one with any clothes on & that consisted of a black bra & black panties. possibly so that when they either sat on you or stood on you or leaned on you during the whole process, "parts" wouldn't accidentally be touched. apparently it's not just my western sensibilities affected by that. they lay you down on a table & throw a big old bowl of hot water on you. then they put on these mitten things (you know those round scrubber things that you use on dishes? they are plastic & usually some bright primary color? that's about the best way i can describe those mittens) & they scrub you all over. by all over, i mean all over. i don't think i've ever had my armpits scrubbed before. ok, well, i've never had one of those scrubbings before but i've had massages & stuff & no one ever touched my armpits. wow. yikes. but "yikes-er" was the part where they scrubbed my butt. yeah, the whole thing. they scrubbed everything. have you ever heard an old person say "wash as far as possible & then wash possible" when telling a kid to take a bath? well, they scrubbed as far as possible & probably on the very edges of possible. this wasn't in a private room, either, so the whole time i can hear everybody in the tub room & people keep coming in to "sign up" for a scrub & stuff. i'd have to say i was more exposed in the scrub room that i was while giving birth. at least then i had a hospital gown on the top half of me! after she scrubbed every small bit of dead skin off my body & quite possibly some live skin, too, she rinsed it all off & then i had a massage & a cucumber facial. the massage sure wasn't as terrifying as that last one i had here. it was pretty nice & she washed my hair afterwards to get rid of all the oil. and, like i said, i was stood on, squatted on & leaned on. and a few times i felt like i was gonna slide off the table from all the oil. the only thing holding me on was the hand towel she stuck under my back (kind of like you put a damp dish towel under your cutting board to keep it from running away?) apparently for that very purpose. and then i took a shower & put on my gym suit. and went off on another adventure.

we went to the common area. the spa has a men's side & a women's side & then they have a common area for everyone to go to. and everybody wears their gym suits in the common area so it's cool.

they have a restaurant, a snack bar, a computer area, a sleeping loft & then a big open area that (i think) doubles as a movie theater & has massaging recliners, tvs & some big tree trunks that double as seats. they are all polished & everything so there's no danger of splinters in your butt. oh and there are 3 dry sauna rooms & a freezer room.

we got a drink & checked out the dry sauna room. the rooms are all different temperatures so you can choose your poison depending on how hot you want to get. the floors are covered in woven mats & there are wooden pillows. it's like a 4 x 4 with a notch carved in it for your head. and of course it is sanded so you don't get splinters in your neck. they're really concerned with splinters, i'd say. we sat around in there for awhile & then went into the freezer room. it greatly resembles a walk-in freezer, for those of you familiar with the backs of restaurants or stores. there are wooden slats on the floor so you don't freeze your feet off & benches lining the room for you to sit on. the walls are iced-over elements. so again with not leaning back on there. apparently that follows the same philosophy of open your pores, close your pores, squoosh the stuff out.

we hung out in the common area for a good while, just talking. there were quite a few people there, including kids. you can bring your children to the spa. i was told that women can bring their little boys 5 & under into the ladies area but then they have to go to the men's area. we even saw a little baby! it's quite common to go the the spa & stay all night. if we had sat in the dry sauna room much longer, i would have fallen asleep. but i figured i should probably come home. there were people camped out all over the floor in the common room & in the recliners sleeping. there was a flight of stairs in the ladies spa area that led to a sleeping room with a really low light & some sleeping mats. it was like home away from home but with the added benefit that you didn't have to clean!

we left my house at 6:30, had to go pick someone up, got to the spa at about 7:45 (stupid traffic lights). we didn't get home until 2:30. 1 called when i was on the main road, almost home. "what are you doing?" i told him i was driving home & he was all "i didn't think you'd be there all day!" heck, neither did i! i'm used to a massage appointment taking 1 1/2 hours! we did go get something to eat afterwards b/c by time we were all finished, the restaurant was closed & we were hungry. we had a great time & have tentatively decided to try to do it once a month. it was an awesome girls' night out once we got past the naked part. we might even take all the kids (there are 7 between the 3 families) & make a family day of it. we just have to talk 1 into it. he's not so sure about the naked part.

white rabbit

2008-10-27T11:39:00.002+09:00

so we had a field trip last week. it was supposed to happen on thursday but since the forecast called for rain, it got postponed to friday. had to listen to some bent-out-of-shape whining from biggest & middlest who were really looking forward to a day off of school - apparently it hadn't occurred to them that they were still getting a day off, just not the same one - and that meant i had to get up at the ungodly hour of 6am 2 days in a row but i digress. (oh, and for the record, littlest usually has me up that early but for the most part is content to just lie in the bed & nurse so it's not like my brain has to function or anything)

so friday - again up at retard-o-clock, into the shower & then banging on doors to awaken children who, for all their excitement about the field trip, sure weren't moving real fast to get us there on time. remember that statement...ON TIME.

manage to make it out the door 10 minutes before take off with 3 kids, 2 backpacks - one full of diapers & the other full of sandwiches - light jackets & no toys for the bus ride. see, that's what happens when i am made to move before my brain is awake. and, oh yeah, add the phrase "light jackets" to your list of things to remember.

we made it to the pick-up point with a minute to spare. and jumped on the bus. and then we sat & waited. and waited. and waaaaiiiiittttteeeeedddd. because apparently 8am doesn't mean the same thing to everyone. like, to some people it means 8:30. nice. i wasn't really on a time constraint because i didn't have other kids to pick up from school. so it didn't much matter to me that we left 45 minutes late because i didn't have to be back any time special. hell, we could have stayed up there all day. 1 is remarkably self-sufficient when he has to be & weiner was in the bathroom so if a mess had to be made, he was in the right spot! but, alas, we were on their time schedule.

we went to the zoo. and holy hannah was it cold! so those light jackets? not so useful! windy? oh yes. the best part of the trip? the seal & dolphin show because for half an hour, we were inside! out of the wind! and there were cool seal & dolphin tricks! that zoo is so dang big, we barely saw any of it. after the show, we had lunch on a bench while freezing our tails off & the big kids got churros. mmmm, churros. and then it was time to hot foot it back to the bus so that we could make curfew. which was 1pm. and then we waited. and waited and waited some more. mind you, i didn't NEED a curfew. my kids were all with me. but to be nice & respectful of those who did need a curfew, we found our way back to the bus at the predetermined time. but no one else found their way back for another 20 minutes. sigh. good thing for a bus driver prepared for the inevitable kid boredom who found a scooby doo dvd which had all 3 kiddos transfixed for the better part of the ride. well, 2 at least. biggest is too cool for scooby doo so he plugged into his ipod & spent the ride with a jacket on his head. finally the rest of the group made their appearance (yes, the rest...we were the only ones on time! imagine that! the C____s on time! my goodness!)

as soon as we departed seoul, the cell phones made an appearance as arrangements were made for other children to be picked up and/or stashed until we made our (belated) arrival at post. um. perhaps if you had been ON TIME when told to be, you wouldn't be stressed/pressed for time now. i thought the army was supposed to teach things like that. course, these were (i believe) army spouses but you would think those core values would rub off. or something. if i, the most disorganized & scatterbrained person on the planet since gaining another child, can manage to get somewhere on time with everything i need (toys were wants, not needs...get off my back), then what excuse do they have? not to mention that the majority of them live ON POST so, what, a 5 minute walk to the pick-up point? c'mon now. get it together.

course, if people WERE to get it together, i wouldn't have anything to bitch...err...blog about, now would i?

points to anyone who gets the title reference!

ah, yes, everything IS broken.

2008-10-19T00:46:00.003+09:00

so. BN & G's wedding has come & gone 2 weeks ago. apparently it was wonderful & beautiful & all those other little "ful's" that a bride hopes her big day will be. hopefully pics will be available for my viewing pleasure eventually.

and anyhow...my synopsis on how, once again, everything is broken.

BN & G registered at a certain department store. they didn't have a huge registry as housekeeping has already been set up for quite sometime now. but i picked something off of it that was kind of a result of a (admittedly bad) joke i made upon the first view of the registry. but, of course, the item was marked "sold out for delivery". grrr. and if we have one of those stores around here, i've yet to find it. not to mention that with all the broken stuff around the world, they would have probably received their gift for their 5th anniversary. so i call my mama. she has one of those stores in her town so i figured that perhaps she could run down & pick one up for me. and then i discovered the option on the website allowing ME to pay for it but my MAMA to pick it up at the store. you know...the store in S_____, USA. where i'm currently not. please keep that fact in mind.

i happily punch in my options & then my info & my mama's info. meanwhile, i'm on the phone to my mama filling her in on what needs to be done on her end. in S_____, USA. after i finish my ordering, it sends me an email that the store is currently closed but that my order will be processed when it opens. which will be sometime my evening, mom's morning.

so that evening i checked my email. and, sure enough, there's an email from the store that tells me that my order has been filled & that when I, BRANDI C____, come to pick up the item from S____, USA, I must bring proper ID. um. brandi c_____ is not in S_____, USA. not in usa, period. @#$^@#%%^*$%E.

i mean, for once could something work the way it is supposed to? i mean really. how difficult is it to do what you say you are going to do? in other words, make your website perform properly? after much gnashing of teeth, pulling of hair & watching the clock to allow my mother enough time to wake up over there around the world in S_____, USA, i call her up to see what she made of the newest ridiculosity (yes, yes, i did just make that word up. wanna make something of it?). and she reminded me that she, in essence, could be "me" at the store as she has a power of attorney in my name! well, duh! how could i forget that small detail? and with that short conversation, my mind was at rest & BN & G had half of their present.

sure would have saved my nerves a little bit had the durn thing just worked the way it was supposed to, ya know? what the heck is the point of advertising a service & then it doesn't work? it seems as if most everything around the world suffers from the outright stupidity. the government, the systems, the PEOPLE. dear Lord, don't get me started on the people. just absolute stupidity., makes me wonder how we have survived for so long without blowing ourselves up. course, rate we're going? that's probably just around the corner.

just wow.

2008-10-09T14:10:00.001+09:00

disillusionment...

2008-09-26T19:47:00.003+09:00

and it all began with a field trip.

we spent the day on a cultural tour. it involved a tour of the OB brewery-including free beer for those of us in the family that are 1-of age & 2-like beer. there's only one of us that fit those criteria. then there was lunch. i won't elaborate on that. it wasn't great. and then a visit to the folk village which was nice but, just like last time, way too much dust/dirt for me.

and then we came home & i had a headache. one of those all consuming headaches where you pray that the end of the world will come just so your pain will end. don't know if it was the bus rides or the loud farmer's dance music or the fact that i forgot my allergy medicine or that i have managed to catch 1's nasty cold but my head was throbbing so much that curling up in my bed and not coming out for, like, 3 days sounded like a good idea. alas, it was not to be. tonight starts the friday night bowling league for 1. so off he went & left me with the headache of the century & 3 kids who acted like, for all intents and purposes, they were starving and hadn't been fed in 3 years. (damn, 3 must be my number tonight).

so i decided to brave the wild world of korean delivery. it's been advertised to me as being way much better than delivery in the states. if the mul man is any indication, i can buy that. i found an english menu & called the place. got an english speaker on the line. placed my order, gave my address & answered the questions. hung up & felt pretty good about myself. ran downstairs & opened the door. figured since korean delivery in on such a high plane, leaving the door open for a few minutes wouldn't cause any harm. after 30 minutes & no food, i ran down to check that the door was still open. and discovered, to my dismay, that 2 of the 3 bikes parked in the entryway are gone. fuck. only 1 of those missing bikes belonged to us. fucker. now i've got to go tell someone that their bike is stolen, it's my fault & now i've also got to buy a new one. fuckest.

i rang both the neighbors doorbells but apparently they were being antisocial as no one answered. i headed out to the porch to watch for the (still missing) delivery man. and the upstairs neighbor was on his porch. come to find out that, not only was the bike there on their behalf, but it wasn't even his. they don't have a car & apparently he was borrowing the bike from a friend to get himself to & from work. oh man. things just keep getting better! i'll be visiting the PX tomorrow to purchase a new bike. and probably a new lock b/c i'm sure the lock was on the bike when it took its walk.

biggest & the neighbor are cavassing the neighborhood right now. they've walked all around & are doing it again. thing is, there are so many alleys & little side streets that who knows where to even start? and it's been 2 hours since delivery now & still no food. so i'm thinking we got jacked by the korean delivery guy. man am i pissed.

biggest & neighbor just got back. no such luck. and apparently the food place is playing "no speak engrish". funny, since when i placed my order, i sure was speaking engrish & they sure seemed to understand me. seems someone needs to check their delivery guys scooter boxes. i'm betting they would find some bikes.

apparently this is what happens when i let my guard down. guess i'll need to put those walls back up now. assholes.

coincidence...?

2008-09-22T21:55:00.004+09:00

American Heritage Dictionary -
a·bom·i·na·tion (ə-bŏm'ə-nā'shən)
n.
1. Abhorrence; disgust.
2. A cause of abhorrence or disgust.

and then there is this...

...i think not.

observations...

2008-09-20T01:02:00.005+09:00

it's just 3 little ones for now. apparently i'm really getting acclimated so things aren't as NEW! and EXCITING! as they once were. sigh. have we really almost been here a year?

1st off...the definite lack of stop signs. we live on a street corner that is 4 streets meeting with a little bitty dead end thrown off to the side for good measure. so almost like 5 points? there is not one stop sign...stop line...stop light...yield sign...whatever to be seen. i guess everything gets treated kind of like a 4 way stop? unless you're a cab. then it's every man for himself. oh! oh! or a bus! then you better move your ass! going down the little road to family mart, there are several more intersections the exact same way. russian roulette in a vehicle. ahh...korea.

2nd...our address. wtf is up with THAT? it consists of (town name) and then 6 numbers. so...say...smithville (ok, ok. kimville) 123456. oh, yeah, and F2 cause we're on the 2nd floor. no street name, no zip code. but apparently it works b/c that brings me to #3....

i called for water delivery the other day. it's on base so it's english speaking (can i get a whoo hoo?). i called them at 11:29. told them i needed 2 bottles of water, had two empty bottles to turn in & that i am at smithville...i mean...kimville 123456 F2. and the lady said they'd be here at 12:30ish. at 11:43-i kid you not-the phone rang & it was the water lady again. she called to tell me that the water man was at my downstairs door & it was locked? could i please come open it? cause, oh yeah, we have a big door downstairs with an electronic lock on it & then our regular door upstairs with **gasp!** regular keyed locks on it. so biggest ran down to open the door & bring the water up. but mr. mul (water in korean!) man wouldn't let him. so up they both came-biggest empty handed, MMM with both bottles. and off he went. i might could get used to that. i guess maybe it might make up for the lack of traffic signs.

**COMING SOON**
an "everything is broken" post. but it will have to wait for a certain auspicious event taking place in the states that i'm going to have to miss. wouldn't want to spoil the surprise. so sad that i won't get to go...love you guys!

house pics

2008-09-10T12:18:00.003+09:00

these will be new house pics. please excuse the mess as we are still unpacking.
view into the house from the front door:

view into kitchen from front door:

view down the hallway from the front door. straight ahead is the bathroom (duh), the doorway is biggest's room & turning left after the doorway but before the bathroom is a short hallway into middlest's room.

littlest's room:

middlest's room:

biggest's room:

view off the porch:

ever present rice paddies (in the distance):

languages...learned or inherent?

2008-09-09T23:47:00.003+09:00

i'm curious about something. i'm sure there is someone out there to ask this but durned if i know who. i'll be putting in an email to an uncle of mine who teaches & is fluent in several different languages. just thought i'd put it out there on the internet & see if there are any other opinions.

i have taken 2 languages in my life-french & spanish. french was in 4th & 5th grades which was i can't count how many years ago. i have never once used it again except for last year when a phrase came spouting out of my mouth from nowhere & i had to call my french buddy to find out what i'd said. imagine my amazement when i found that i had said what i meant to say & said it properly. spanish was in highschool. 9th & 10th? or maybe 10th & 11th? shame that i can't remember. i have had opportunity to use it a bit since then...seems plenty of hispanics like car auctions &, hey!, i worked at that mexican car lot (owned by koreans...foreshadowing much?). but i never got anywhere near fluency & since i'm a control freak, i have a hard time attempting anything in the public eye that i am not 100% at. but i'd like to think that i can grasp a bit of what people are saying to me &, if i'm reading it, i can put some words together & come up with a fairly decent explanation some of the time.

1 took spanish in highschool with me. he wasn't ever much good at it (remember the time the sub caught you cheating?). his mom speaks tagalog & the hopes were that the spanish would assist him in learning her native language. he didn't follow through. he is simply an american with filipino background.

i am having the absolute hardest time with the language over here. i have a few (very few) words & even fewer phrases (that are actually just words over here). we're going to get into korean classes-not sure how much participation i'll be able to have due to littlest & her need for constant MAMA! attention. but we'll give it a shot. and, worst comes to worst, i'll try to suck off of what middlest & biggest learn. i'd really like to be able to communicate. our landlady rattles on at me in korean & i'm so totally lost so i just smile & nod & hope i'm not telling her it is ok to up our rent. 1, on the other hand, actually seems to understand a bit. we were sitting on the porch tonight & he was eavesdropping on a conversation taking place in the road. he was able to pick out some things. me, on the other hand, clueless.

someone on the baby board tonight posted a question about a french school for her son. her post included some french phrases. i didn't verify with her but i feel as if i knew what the phrases meant. somehow french & spanish makes sense to me. maybe it's because i'm a "word" person. i love words. i love finding out what they mean. i love learning new ones. i'll look up a word in a minute so that i can add it to my vocabulary. of course, this may have something to do with my ability to understand, in some part, the "romance" languages. it all goes back to latin roots & they just flow in my head. korean is not latin based. i'm not even sure what the base is but it sure isn't latin.

which leads me, in a roundabout way of course because i'm me, to my question. is language a learned skill or is it in some form inherent to your being? i'm not sure of my ancestry but i come from europe with a little indian (native american) thrown in for good measure. so is there a predilection in my being for some european languages? somewhere deep in my psyche is there a language button that gets pushed when i hear something with latin roots? that causes my brain to function in such a way that i can grasp some of what i hear? or does it all have to do with the fact that i love words, i have taken bits of two seperate languages in my time here on earth & that has allowed my mind the ability to process things that would otherwise seem like nothing more than babble?

is it the same case for 1? the fact that his ancestry is here in asia...does that give him an inherent understanding or at least slight grasp of some of what he hears? his interest was peaked when he first came here & purchased a phrase book, dictionary & children's flash cards. he looks things up on the internet all the time. he has a definite interest in this language of theirs. not to say i don't but his is definitely more in the moment than mine is. i would like to be able to communicate but i am not feeling pressed to learn like i feel i should.

i'm just very curious as to whether there is any sort of precedent for this question of mine. i'm not even sure i agree with the concept of inherent knowledge but i can't put my finger on any other reason for why 1 and i are so different with this subject but we've been in much the same places but for our ancestry.

done

2008-09-06T15:38:00.003+09:00

we're in the new place. and boy different!

for the past year, we've been in the middle of endless rice paddies with the lovely smell of cow poo to put us to sleep at night & wake us up in the morning. and it wasn't bad b/c i'm really a country girl at heart-i grew up in the middle of corn fields with a farm down the road so cow poo is nothing new! but it was kind of isolated, as was the "old" apartment. most of our neighbors were americans so it never did really seem that we were in a foreign country.

that has all changed now! we're at a crossroads that seems to be a shortcut so people & cars are moving day & night. the voices of the kids floating through the windows are in korean, not english. everything is (still, of course) labeled in korean but some have english labels this time around. our dishwasher is the little bittiest thing i've ever seen. and most of the cabinets are accessible without a step stool! (seems the "old" apartment was built for americans. and apparently the builders thought they were some tall americans!) this apartment is definitely korean which is a welcome change since i am definitely not a tall american.

a vast majority of our stuff is still in boxes & we can't figure out where most of it came from! we KNOW we didn't ship this much stuff over here. and i know it wouldn't have fit in 8 suitcases. but the good news is that the movers didn't pack us out (as we learned the day before the move) so we got rid of a big bunch of trash while frantically boxing things up. but frantic also means disorganized so the baby's hair hasn't been combed in 2 days b/c we can't find the comb. at least we found the diapers.

this will be part 2 of the korean adventure. i'm sure this will be even more of an adventure since we're right smack dab in the middle of things (and truly so far out of my comfort zone but you do what you have to do, right?). biggest & middlest have already set out on their first unaccompanied trip to the base & an overnight. we'll see them in the morning. now if i could just reach littlest a word besides "MAMA!!!" (and, yes, that is just how she says it over & over again), i might get some work done.

what is it with this family?

2008-09-02T15:40:00.002+09:00

it's ok if you laugh after you read this. just please don't do it within my earshot as i fear i may be well on my way to a nervous breakdown...similar to what i almost suffered last year ABOUT THIS TIME. yeah, check that emphasis, why don't you?

we're moving again. it will be a good thing in the end. we'll be closer to the base which means the biggest & middlest will be closer to their friends, 1 may get some exercise by walking to bowling & i may get some too by walking around with littlest.

we looked at the place last week with a different realtor than our regular. the landlady apparently liked us even though i allowed littlest to roam with her shoes on (oops) & was allowing the weiner provided he isn't a destructive weiner. which he isn't. bossy, noisy & a general pain in the butt, yes. destructive, no. she apparently declined another deposit on the place in hopes that we would take it. we wrangled the ethics of the whole thing-old realtor vs. new realtor...who to choose? and 1 finally called them both today. we've gone with the new realtor as she is the one who showed us the place. and the negotiations began. just for the heck of it, we asked if she would pay for our move (yes!), a washer & dryer (yes, again!), and when did all this need to happen? (ok, commence laughing now)

the answer? IMMEDIATELY. which makes sense as we are at the end of the month (ok, the beginning) & the lady has held the place for us for a week but c'mon now. why does everything in the past couple of years have to happen so dang fast? we're moving to korea! so sell 3/4 of your life right now! and do it while being a single mom with a clingon! and come on over with 8 suitcases, 3 kids, a weiner & a grandma! ok, so we did that. and i'm sure we'll be able to do this too, especially since someone will be packing us out & moving it all & it is only down the street as opposed to around the world but for pete's sake! give me a minute to get used to the whole idea! speed of light + banni = not compatible.

oh, and in case that wasn't enough for you, we still don't have new orders. which means that come midnight tomorrow night, we no longer have base access for anything. and neither do our cars. which means our access to american food & the library are shut down. the bank? nope! nothing! 1 won't even be able to get to work by himself. someone will have to sign him in in order for him to put in his time. so aggravating to have to rely on someone else just to get basic things done. hopefully that will happen sooner rather than later as we are not available to do that stuff friday since we'll be with the movers. and at the dentist.

dammit, i need a vacation.

permit me to rant for a minute

2008-08-29T23:23:00.005+09:00

so biggest & middlest have LOT of science experiments this year. like a ton. like we may be doing 2 in one day sometimes? but it's cool. and we get to use real lab equipment which will be valuable experience down the line. and that's where the trouble starts.

has anyone actually tried to order this stuff? oh, ordering it can be done. no problem. there are millions of websites out there for this kind of stuff. no biggie. the trick is finding one that will ship APO. and ship APO for a reasonable amount of money. no, i don't want to sell my first-born to obtain test tubes, thank-you-very-much. i was happily filling up 3 shopping carts last night...price comparing & all that...when i discovered upon checkout that 2 of the sites didn't ship APO. it would have been very nice to know that before i had a full shopping cart (yes, i scanned the sites for that info. & figured no news was good news). what that meant was that i had to go to the one site that did ship APO & empty the other 2 shopping carts into that one. and believe me when i tell you that it wasn't near as easy as, say, emptying carts into others at e-mart, for example. it was downright frustrating. and then i got tired & went to bed. and then this morning i got up to continue my emptying & refilling & damn if the laptop wasn't dead again. and then when i got onto the big computer to attempt to complete the process since school starts in, like, a WEEK, the internet went down. anyone up for a good conspiracy theory right about now? fiddled with the stupid internet all day to no avail, 1 came home & kissed it AGAIN & up it came. sickening, i tell ya, sickening.

and i finally got to a point tonight where the internet cooperated, the shopping carts were full again and i only had to mortgage the korean apartment (no skin off my nose!) to pay for it & what do you know?

THOSE ASSHOLES WANTED TO CHARGE ME $22.00 TO SHIP $14 WORTH OF STUFF. wtf? i said i DIDN'T want to sell my first-born. weren't you freakin' listening? probably not. probably they were affected by the same bug that affected my kids: http://notthemonster3.livejournal.com/40342.html
and so off i went to transfer carts again. this time to a completely different site. pisses me off that i wasted all that time doing price comparisons to be gutted by shipping in the end. damn it.

i told biggest (as he is the only one available at the moment) that they better enjoy these science experiments, what with all the insanity i'm going through to get the stuff to perform them. and that was just the 1st QUARTER. do the math. i'm gonna have to do this 3 MORE TIMES this year. absolutely ridiculous.

not the funniest trip log ever...maybe that's a good thing?

2008-08-26T08:23:00.000+09:00

this trip was relatively uneventful compared to the last. we started off at the airport...all 19 of us. yes, 19. 2 of dd1's friends showed up & they were being teenage girls & some of the other passengers were staring at them like "dear God, please don't let those children be on our flight. please!" there were no SNAFU's at checkin (unlike last time) probably b/c 1-we didn't have a dog & 2-baby had a paper ticket this time! no SNAFU's at security either although there were a lot of tears. and they didn't have to call our name over the loudspeaker to make us get on the plane. we were on time, hassle-free & paying attention!

trip to atlanta took less than an hour. i think we all fell asleep. i was stuck in the hell between not enough sleep & too much to not affect me sleep. ugh. i usually only get about 2 hours before a trip like this. this time i got about 4 1/2. i learned my lesson. i'll just take a short nap next time.

atlanta was easy. our gate was where it was supposed to be. although we were dismayed to learn that since all our miles went to delta for the 1st trip, we couldn't upgrade on korean air. thanks for telling us! and there were quite a few babies so we couldn't get bassinet seating which meant no bulkhead seating. which meant all 5 of us were confined to a regular row of seats. no sleeping on the floor this flight!

the 1st issue arose 30 minutes into the flight. dh's tv broke. not sure what happened to it-just quit working. dh & dd1 were playing a game & they shut the thing off to takeoff & it wouldn't go back on. they tried to fix it but no such luck. so we traded seats a couple times so he could watch my tv.

2nd issue arose at dinner (lunch? breakfast? no clue what meal that was). apparently someone got confused about our special meal needs & assigned gluten free for all 4 of us. not that big a deal. except when the special meal is FISH. i don't/can't eat fish either. it's not an allergy. it's an issue with getting it down. i'm the queen of food phobias & the smell & taste of fish do me in. i was having issues smelling it while my family was eating it. bluch. so for brunner, i had 3 pieces of honeydew melon, 2 pieces of pineapple & a stale plastic tasting rice cake. yum, yummy, yum. i was quite discouraged. so i ate most of a bag of trail mix i brought along. what a piggy.

along came issue # 3 with the next meal. i pulled off the foil to find...you guessed it...FISH AGAIN! agh! between the 2 meals i ate the ham off a sandwich that was our snack, a package of peanuts & some more trail mix. sheesh. it seemed to be the exact same meal as earlier but maybe the fish was cooked differently? dh very nicely asked the flight attendant if maybe i could trade for a regular meal. we had to wait for them to finish serving all the normal, non-problematic people to see if there were extras. and there was! so i had some rubbery chicken (probably cause it had been heated like 2 hours before since i had to wait until last), corn, rice & peas. oh and potato salad. it was the best food ever. unless you count the hospital food i ate after delivering dd1. yeah, it would be a close competition between the 2.

there was a guy across the aisle from us who drank the whole first half of the flight. he was pounding budweisers left & right. guessing that was his first international flight. it's ok to have a drink or two. but you get so dang dehydrated up there just flying that you don't want to do anything to make it worse. he passed out before the 1st meal-much to the dismay of the korean lady trapped in the window seat. she was already apparently ill from the smell of all the budweiser (i can't stand the smell of beer either) & now she's trapped in the corner of her seat b/c he is passed out halfway into hers. she looked relieved when they woke sleeping beauty up to eat & she got her seat back. and you know when you drink, you have to pee alot. seems like everytime i turned around he was bugging the guy in the aisle seat to get up so he could go. i think i would have just told him to take the aisle seat in hopes that when he passed back out again, he would fall in the floor & quit invading my space! after he ate, he did pass back out again & the poor korean lady was pressed up against the wall again. at least she was a little korean lady so she could scoot away from drunk drooly guy.

the guy behind us was snoring so loud. snoring makes me crazy-ask poor dh. he makes the littlest snore & gets an elbow in the side. example: i went on a disney trip with my family years ago & we stayed in one room. i slept in the bathroom b/c my dad wouldn't stop snoring. it's just occurred to me that i sleep in some strange places. anyway, it was so loud that my headphones weren't helping drown it out. i was contemplating going to the bathroom & "tripping" over his foot so he'd stop. or maybe accidentally pushing me seat back really fast to squish his legs. i controlled myself though. barely. and on second thought, some of the snoring may have been coming from drunk drooly guy. wherever it was coming from-it was making me nuts.

i spent a good portion of the flight walking around with auri. she likes to scream on airplanes, apparently. loudly. and continuously. so up & down & up & down the aisles we went. i talked dh into taking her on a walk one time hoping i could read some of the jenny mccarthy autism book i had bought for the trip. he made one round & was back-i didn't even get to read 2 pages! and i'm a pretty fast reader! sigh. we had a coloring book, a mini magna doodle, a pooh bear, a tv with giraffes on it, a baby doll, assorted vehicles & boobs. they all held her attention for a .2 seconds & it was off to screaming again. she finally fell asleep for the last 3 hours or so. and slept in my lap this time so we didn't have to hunt down a handy patch of floor. i'm glad she wasn't the only screamer on there so i didn't feel too bad. apparently she is used to round eyes now b/c she wouldn't talk to any of the asian flight attendants that kept trying to play with/talk to her. wasn't having it. great. she'll have to get over that pretty soon i'm thinking.

airport was almost a breeze. apparently our visas weirded them out b/c they are set to expire in september & i put that our visit was for 365 days. yippee for language barriers. they finally let us all through after dh explained that auri doesn't have any other form of id b/c she is too little. we found all our luggage in record time & breezed through customs (mainly b/c we weren't bringing in any cows or fire arms). we located the money exchange & bus ticket kiosk. managed to get all 7 bags & 1 car seat & 1 stroller under the bus when it finally arrived. auri & i slept most of the 2 hour trip. our friends came to pick us up at the bus station & home we came. it was nice to walk into a clean house. it was weird b/c it smelled the way i remember it smelling when i got here last year. dh went & picked up the dog. i went to bed somewhere around 11 i think. auri got up & moving at 4:15 this morning & i have been up ever since. she went back down for a nap b/c she had a really bad case of the screamies.

dh has gone off for work. the big kids just got up so i'm going to make a grocery list since i have to buy the whole store since i was gone for a month. great.... today will be a busy one. please send non screamy baby vibes. i don't think i can handle any more of that today.

profanity warning

2008-08-23T14:42:00.003+09:00

FUCK!!! FUCK!!! FUCK!!! FUCK!!!

ok, so i figured out how to hide it but it's still there. my laptop died tonight. dead. like "hi, use me as a doorstop b/c i'm not any good for anything else" dead. and all my stuff has gone with it. 1 is trying to figure out how to rescue it but i'm more than a little worried that it is gone forever. i want to curl up in a fetal position & cry. i want to beat my fists on the floor. i want to hurl the damn thing out the window.

what stuff, you ask? what stuff, exactly, has you so spun up?

1-homeschool downloads...this includes different side lessons, ideas, sources, things like this. most of these were free but one time things. and some of them i paid for. if i dug around in my inbox, i may be able to resurrect the paid things. but where would i resurrect them to since my faithful partner is dead?

2-pictures. that got taken (deleted!) off the camera but never placed on a disk. yeah, yeah, i know. don't tell me.

3-(should be #1 on the list but i think you'll be able to figure that out) a semester's worth of homeschool lesson plans. A SEMESTER. that is roughly 85 lessons...17 weeks...of 7 classes a day.... someone please shoot me now. right now. here, i'll mark a spot on my forehead for you.

1 was trying to tell me what might could be wrong with it. i had to tell him to hush before i threw up. all that work is dead. and we start school in a week. a week full of jet lag, new orders (and all the new ID's, etc. that come with them!), sports registrations, unpacking & organizing, grocery shopping for EVERYTHING since we've been gone for a month. and now i've got to squeeze in a least a week's worth of lesson plans. excuse me while i go throw up. and then lay on the floor & cry.

ahh...america

2008-08-22T13:09:00.003+09:00

things i have missed: (some) american tv (the guide channel, ace of cakes), olive garden (oh, yeah, zuppa toscana), chic-fil-a lemonade (yes!), sonic slushies (although it still hasn't been checked off my list!), publix grocery stores (clean! & well stocked!), friends (sniff, sniff...who's up for a move?).

things i haven't missed: american "manners" (ahem...lack there of), american tv commercials (c'mon y'all! i know AFN commercials are terrible but at least those people aren't advertising people. who makes these damn things?), american drivers (WTF! are you TRYING to get into an accident? agh!).

and exactly how have 3 weeks passed already? i told 1 last night that it seemed the 1st week just chugged by soooo slooooowwww & this one is just flying. i'm trying my damnedest not to think about it b/c if i do i might lose it. i think the hardest part is leaving littlest's baby friends. they play so well together & it's so cute to watch them. hopefully by time we make it back they'll still be friends.

baby friends, big girl friends, the foods i'm used too without having to show my ID, family 15 minutes away instead of a 15 hour flight. i'm starting to think this is going to be harder the 2nd time around.

my heart hurts

2008-08-15T13:23:00.007+09:00

**posted to both blogs as i couldn't figure out where it belongs**

littlest was born with no fingers on her left hand. she has what they call posts for thumb and pinkie finger. she has some grasping ability and we work with her to improve that. sometimes we notice and sometimes we don't but she is perfect and ours either way. we wouldn't change her for the world.

i belong to a birthday club on a baby board. we are a bunch of women who all were due with babies in march 2007. several ladies are onto their next pregnancies & are due in december. they have notified me that there is a lady on their board who is due with twins. they just found out that they are girls. and at the same time, they were unable to find a left hand on one of the girls. i will most likely never meet this woman but i have read her post. my heart broke for her as i read because it seemed to mirror my first post about littlest's hand. she posts that she is devastated. her dream is broken because of what they saw on that ultrasound. and she is worried about many things in the future. i have provided my contact information for her to use if she wishes. i know her pain. i know that darkness. i wanted to close down, curl up & leave it all behind. but, like her, i have other children. i had to keep pushing through the anger and the questions and the hurt and keep living my life-the whole while dreading what was to come. 1 was there for me when i cried. he pushed his pain aside for me. he told most people our news when i couldn't find it in myself to do so. i dearly hope this lady has someone there with her to help wade through the pain.

i want to tell her that, while it seems so dark now, dawn is coming. that she will notice for the first moment of seeing her brand new daughter. but that that will be the last time it matters. we are both lucky-we knew ahead of time and had time to prepare ourselves. i'm not sure how i would have coped with it to find out in the delivery room for the first time. we made our peace with it before we had to deal with it first hand. i hope she can too. and then that little baby will just amaze and delight her family and everyone else she comes across. that that baby comes with a bit more of a learning curve that most. but they will adjust. her mama and daddy will teach themselves how to tie shoes one handed in preparation for that lesson. they will learn that she can cradle a snack cup with her left arm and use her right hand to pick out her favorite treats. that she will surprise them as she slides off a chair and catches herself on the edge of the table, to dangle for a moment until she is rescued. they will discover that it is easier to walk a one-handed toddler around a store because while the one hand is being held, it is more difficult for the other to snag things off of shelves.

while they are now concentrating on the things that can't be done, they will learn to look for the things that can. she has 5 other fingers just right for wearing rings. there are any number of sports that can be done one handed. musical instruments abound that only require one hand. it takes a little more effort than what anyone expects but it is all so worth it when the little victories occur. some people won't even notice that that baby is different. the inevitable cruelty will occur and they will have to steel themselves for it, as am i. but i seriously believe that it will occur much less than we are expecting. these babies will teach us lessons about our own selves and our expectations and shortcomings. they'll move mountains...and they will do it one-handed. and i want to tell this woman this. to let her know that she is not alone. that i've been there, done that. that i'm wearing her shoes.

who would have known 2 years ago when i found out that maybe, just maybe, i could use that pain to lead someone else, if not out of, at least to the brink of their pain so that they could see the sunlight again and regain their joy and anticipation. everything happens for a reason. this baby has been given to them for a reason. i hope they can realize that. i hope i can help them. i hope they can use this lesson to help someone else. i hope i can learn more about them because i can't wait to see how blessed they are with this gift.

whatever, dude

2008-08-14T13:26:00.003+09:00

sometimes i just have to wonder about people. several people, in fact.

1-we were supposed to go visiting this weekend. but stayed out a huge chunk of the night &, though we made it to church in the morning, that was about all we could accomplish. i have been going & going since we got here & just couldn't go anymore. and, yes, we had made plans to go visiting but my whole self just stopped. and we get asked why we didn't call. but i am quite certain that our phone numbers are saved in several phones so why didn't anyone call us? whatevs.

2-why do some people have to keep intruding on my/our lives? just go away. i'm not interested in craziness. and if you think that i'm going to allow your crazy into my daughter's life? wrong again, pal. please do crawl back under your rock. your friends the worms miss you.

and completely unrelated but i love the olympics. however, tonight it seems that the broadcasting this year is crap. it might help if i tried watching without a computer on my lap. ya think?

end of 1st week & 2nd weekend

2008-08-11T13:44:00.003+09:00

i believe i'm the ONLY person on the planet who can some 1/2 way around the world & get a massage & the MASSAGE THERAPIST (emphasis as i was "schooled" on the proper terminology during my session) is from the country i just came from! actually, he was only 1/2 - from his mother - but it was still quite funny. and we talked the whole time as it was quite obvious i wasn't going to relax enough to fall asleep. not sure what the deal is with that.

got left alone thursday afternoon/evening as 1 took all the chillun to his mama's house to fix up the money pit. drank a good portion of a bottle of wine (scuppernong/muscadine variety...dang, that's good. owing to the vast quantity i consumed apparently) while waiting for C to come get me for our girls' night out. it was only the 2 of us as other people have to work or don't have babysitters. we did have fun though. went to the karaoke place so i could hear C sing which is always a treat. had a few more drinks. ugh. guess that's what a vacation is for? maybe?

friday night went to a mexican restaurant with the family, uncle j, jo & alan. it was nice. littlest seems to really like spicy cheese dip. she just kept dipping & licking her chip. yuck-o slimy chip when she was done. she is just as rotten & wouldn't stay in her high chair. but she's forgiven b/c she is pretty dang cute.

saturday afternoon was a get together at mom's house. it was great fun & plenty people came. it's crazy that we all have kids! carrie came with twins bryce & brandon. last time i saw them was when they were little fellas. they will be 4 next month. she looks great & is such a good mama. belynda came with all 3 of hers-amy, cody & eric. they are all huge too & amy just turned 13. somehow we all had kids in august-i was just a year late. and belynda came bearing a gift! a sewing machine! hip hip hooray! i'll bring it in for a check up this week then set about figuring out how to bring it home. yay! Bff & h came with the other princess who just crawled in & out & up & down. she & littlest were sharing cups again. we'll teach that baby how to use a straw cup yet! and matt & bobbie lynne came with their girls who are both just so tall & pretty. the yard was full of kids as neighbors came too & i just know i'm leaving someone out but hopefully i'll be forgiven? C & cliff & li'l cliff were supposed to come but family showed up so they had to miss. can't have it all, i suppose. aunt n came in from columbia & unca j showed up with his friend cori. the tree swing claimed cori as its daily victim...hopefully her ankle will be ok.

saturday night we left littlest with grandma & grandpa, much to her dismay. middlest & biggest stayed over at matt & bobbie lynne's house. went out with aunt n, uncle j, bff & h & another couple. got called home on littlest's account but while enroute were called again & told to go back as littlest had finally crashed out after crying for 1 1/2 hours. we had a great time out & about, much alcohol was consumed (is this a theme?) & even hit the "awful waffle" where i was threatened numerous times with a ketchup bottle for "throwing c's" at bff's h. i know that makes no sense but it was hilarious at the time. still is, although i'm sure they don't think so. it's almost over, guys!

today managed to make it to early church with everyone intact. went to brunch with the inlaws this afternoon & came home to say goodbye to aunt n. 1 took off with biggest & littlest, middlest stayed home & i took a nap! tomorrow is health department (again), tv guy, stove guy & i'm not sure who or what else. i shouldn't have taken that long ass nap since it is now 1am & i'm not anywhere near ready for bed. good to be back on schedule. snort.

oh for...

2008-08-11T13:42:00.001+09:00

first off...my truck was making crazy noises when i got into it for the first time since being back. it has been driven while we've been gone. my mom drives it & a few people have borrowed it-most recently a friend of mine while her car was in the shop. so, i made it an appointment & took it up to the shop. they did about $1000 worth of work on it-most of it covered by warranty (the one time we bought an extended warranty-pshew!) & i got it back yesterday. and i only had to pay $50 deductible. and when i was driving it last night, the check engine light came on! agh!

well, littlest had a shot appointment this morning. 45 minutes from where my mom lives. so i drove my check engine light truck all the way out there. and the lady says "oh, i tried to call you! the nurse is out sick!" and it really isn't her fault as the only # she has for me is the IP phone which did come with us but is still packed. so i made the trip for nothing with $4/gallon gas. agh.

drove back into mom's town & took my truck to the shop again. had bff come pick me up. the service lady was all "it's probably just a code that needs to be cleared. we'll put it on the machine". somehow i didn't think so but whatever, we waited. lady comes back & tells me it is an O2 sensor which is covered under warranty but i will have to pay another $50 deductible. i tried to argue that but it didn't work. 6 hours later, i have my truck back & i'm light another $50. on the way home from church, the light flickered again. agh.

1 is trying to get the house wrapped up for renters. it needs painted inside (lots of light colored dirty walls), the carpets need cleaned & we need to hire a lawn service. yes, i have a money tree in korea, let me just get that wired for you. he was a real butthead about it earlier. he gets tunnel vision & if something/one gets in his way, he can get ugly. i got in his way. he got ugly. i'm not happy with him. there is a "for rent" sign in the yard. the market is crap so we're stuck with this for now. agh.

upside? everyone is doing great here; middlest got her hair semi straightened & loves it; littlest is having fun with baby friends, we went to little gym as a guest & they are giving us a mini package for while we are here which is fun; i think i'm going out tomorrow night, maybe friday night (with butthead) & possible saturday night (with butthead & friends) - we haven't had a date or kid free time in a long time so that is awesome; my bff who works for an airline might fly down friday & go back saturday just to see ME; and i have a massage appoitment tomorrow! yippee yahoo!

first 3 days

2008-08-05T14:16:00.002+09:00

cause friday doesn't really count as a day since it lasted 47 1/2 hours & only ended just after we finally reached charleston. so i can't count it.

saturday we woke up bright and early since littlest decided she was done sleeping & needed to go stomping all over granny & papa's house. how someone so little can make that much noise is beyond me. it was useless to get her to stop. and we really did try. 1 went to the house to...well, i'm not sure what he intended to do but i think it involved a good bit of bs'ing around with buddies. i left middlest & biggest with their granny & took off for some stores with littlest, bff & the other princess. she is huge! and so awful cute. when i left, she was brand new, barely cleaned off in a polka-dot sleeper and fit just right into my arms. not so much anymore. and littlest went to bff's h like it was nothing. crazy kid. guess she knows good people when she sees them-so long as they aren't related to her, she's good! cause she won't have anything to do with granny, papa, grandma or grandpa. just won't. unless it is by force & then it is barely tolerated. hopefully that will get better. i'm sure it will...just in time for us to leave.

saturday night we had a get-together at granny & papa's. lots of people came & littlest had the other princess & li'l cliff to play with. funny how she is the oldest but the littlest. apparently she & li'l cliff were on the outs as she pushed his chunky self right down on the floor. 2 hands, 1 step & plunk, down he went! i missed the sight. my girl knows how to take care of herself! but he was up & at em not 2 seconds later so no worries. the other princess cruised all around in her (what else?) princess walker until it came time for night night & down she went on a bedroom floor with some blankets. and slept until time to go home! why don't i have a baby like that?
sunday morning was supposed to be early church. ahem. not so much when you wake up 10 minutes before it should start. whoops. we did make it to late church & then lunch with grandma & grandpa & uncle j (not to be confused with unca). then 1 & uncle j disappeared to the house again (more bs'ing) while all 3 of the younguns & i headed for old navy. maybe it's the weekend but i don't know...old navy seemed a little empty. weird. we did manage to get a few things for next year when it turns cold. and then back to granny & papa's for dinner before packing our stuff again to head for grandma & grandpa's.

today littlest & i slept in-since we were up all freakin night, why not? grandma was up with the big kids & 1 went to the house again. grandma, biggest & middlest went to the old gym & jump place this afternoon & i did laundry (whoo hoo!). after dinner, littlest & i went to the house to go through more stuff (didn't i do this 10 months ago?) & there was another baby party. li'l cliff's neighbor showed up with her parents & a bottle of wine. that girl knows how to travel! and K brought her baby down. he's so cute! today was the first time i got to meet him. they leave in less than a week for family & then in the new year off to italy. middlest will go spend the night tomorrow. i'll go visit the other neighbor-A- when i drop her off.

big tragedies so far-my truck is acting up. so it is at the dealership awaiting a "look at" in the morning. hopefully warranty covers it. cross your fingers. didn't plan to spend my vacation money on a truck. grandma & grandpa do not have a working television & olympics start this week! whatever will i do? tv does have a warranty so hopefully that will be resolved as well.

and littlest still won't sleep. sigh. one of these days i'll get rest again. i should be asleep right now during the 5 minutes that her eyes are closed. but then when would i get to internet? sacrifices, sacrifices....

good morning USA!

2008-08-02T19:56:00.002+09:00

so it's 6:19am here which means that it is 7:20pm my brain's time & me, littlest & 1 are up. which is about normal for us if it was 6:19am our brain's time. so, anybody ready for a story? cause i might have one!

the korea to US flight wasn't horrible. it wasn't great, but it wasn't horrible. i will tell you, however, if we were running a contest between airlines, delta would NOT win the prize for best service between US & korea. i'm very happy that we are flying Korean Air back home in 3 1/2 weeks. i've only had 2 experiences with the overseas flight & i know everyone can have an off day but just based on those experiences, i know which one i would pick.

since we were the the airport 47 hours early we got all checked in & then went to find our gate & stuff & have some food. we forgot airport food = expensive. yikes. but we sucked it up & then got on the plane. we got to get on first b/c of littlest. and we had bulkhead seats for the bassinet so more leg room...yay!

the flight attendants weren't as friendly as on last year's flight. and...let's face it...some of them were kind of dumb...and rude. we requested that they bring the bassinet after the dinner service. and then had to request it several more times before it showed up. but before it showed up, the flight attendant was all "i have to go find it...every plane is different". um, ok. so if God forbid something happens, are you going to be able to deploy escape slides since they might be different from the last plane you flew? ugh. excuses. and then she brings the darn bassinet & tells 1 "you'll have to help me do this-i don't know how!" what! you big dummy! whose job is this? argh! they get the thing stuck to the wall only to find out that littlest is not having anything to do with it. sigh. all that for nothing. and then when we wanted them to come take it back (after I took it off the wall), they wouldn't. even though littlest pushed the call button 1874 times. maybe that's why they seemed to not like us?

oh and i forgot to talk about dinner. i ordered gluten free meals for me (littlest didn't have her own seat so she didn't get one...we shared). it's just easier to order gluten free than to try to explain wheat allergy. well, apparently saltine crackers are gluten free now? i really don't think so but if so, i'm mad that someone didn't tell me b/c i love saltine crackers! anyway, they brought the food thing around & we tell them that i ordered a gluten free meal. :um, we already gave out all the special meals. you weren't tagged." um. the lady at the desk confirmed it for me. so...where's my food? they scrounge around & find my meal (apparently all airplanes are different?) & it wasn't horrible except for the whole saltine cracker thing which kind of makes me worry about what other gluten/wheat product was in there. we'll have to watch littlest's face. greaaaaaat.
and littlest. oh, littlest. littlest didn't want to sleep in the bassinet & couldn't sleep on me or 1. poor little thing kept waking up every 2 minutes b/c she wasn't comfortable. so if you were on the korea/atlanta flight yesterday & walked past the bulkhead seat & saw some crazy woman lying on the floor? that was me. i felt like an idiot but at the least the baby got some sleep. b/c we all know that a sleepy baby is a screamy baby & that is not so good on an airplane.

finally got into atlanta at about 7pm last night. i swear, it was like the friday that wouldn't end. we woke up at 7 our friday morning (after me only sleeping 3 hours-think i was excited?), finished packing & cleaning, ran a few last minute errands, hopped a bus for 2 hours, sat in the airport for 4 hours, got on a plane for 14 hours & it was STILL friday when we landed! agh! had to navigate atlanta airport to go through passport control & find our baggage. all. 5. bags. ugh. and a carseat. but the carseat never showed up! and time is ticking down to "oh, crap, we're gonna miss our connection" time. i finally asked the baggage handler guy & he points way across the baggage claim area & tells me the stupid carseat is over there. why? why would the carseat be way over there? i mean, it's pretty much in the next county! wtf? & if you must put my carseat way the heck over there, where is the sign telling me where it is? agh! this was after i had to wait 20 minutes to get my gate checked stroller. b/c apparently they put all the (7) gate checked strollers way in the back of the plane. b/c that makes sense-to put stuff people need in the back behind all the other stuff so they have to wait for all the other stuff to be pulled out before they can get their stroller. and there was this poor lady with a 3 month old all by herself waiting for her carseat (gate checked) & stroller (gate checked) & carseat base (baggage checked so, you got it, in the next county with no sign!) & 2 big bags. so we (i) was trying to help her out by pushing her buggy through customs & all b/c i felt bad for her & after all that, they didn't give her a boarding pass in korea so she had to go get that before anything else. she probably missed her flight, poor thing. finally pass through customs & no one can tell us where to dump our bags so they will get on our next flight. finally get that sorted out & then RUN through security. and did i mention that we have 2 laptops in carry ons that have to be taken out of bags to go through the scanner? and 3 other carry ons? and 3 kids? and a stroller? AND IT'S STILL FREAKIN FRIDAY! and here, let me draw you a diagram...

T.....A.....B.....C.....D.....E

that's how the concourses line up in atlanta. and, in case you didn't know, E is where the international flights come in. and we had to go to B. in like 20 minutes after the biggest landing/baggage/customs debacle that ever was. and that is 20 minutes til takeoff. and you know, they close the doors way before then! biggest kept saying it was like home alone when they are hauling butt through the airport. so we huff & we puff & we race all around & get to our gate that says the flight is going somewhere other than charleston. oh crap. we missed it. but, oh, no, we didn't miss it! says the nice fella at the gate! the flight has been moved! to T concourse! and we have 35 minutes to get there! does no one make announcements in airports anymore? to tell us where to go? and, yes, we could have looked at a monitor thing but who has time for that when their carseat is being held hostage? !%&*(%^$^@. and off we went again. and we made it. and finally took off & finally landed (yes, still on friday!) in teeny tiny charleston airport to see 3 friends, one granny & 2 grandpas (my mom is at a conference & won't be home until tonight) & 5 bags & 1 carseat. and we came to a house that has air conditioning! and granny cooked up a bunch of food & then littlest was sleepy (about 12:30 at this point...finally, saturday!) & so i laid down with her to put her to bed & woke up at about 3 when 1 came in. oops. didn't mean to be antisocial.

and i'm home! (but 1 says we aren't home, we are visiting as home is now in korea) & i'm so excited to see everybody & do stuff & EXTREMELY HAPPY that the friday that wouldn't end finally is over. but that also means we are 1 day closer to going back. and that part is sad.

this is stupid

2008-07-23T18:06:00.003+09:00

i got locked in my house today! yes, locked IN my house! do you know how dumb i feel saying that?

we have electronic locks on our front doors around here. you can either punch in a code or use this little thing that goes on your key chain to get in from the outside. from the inside you just push a button & the door SHOULD lock or unlock. and you can push another button to keep the door locked or unlocked (like someone did one night when i was out very late...but said it wasn't on purpose, rather an accident...but i digress).

well, littlest & i were home alone today & i tried to go out but i couldn't! i kept mashing the button & it kept saying it was unlocked but it was lying. it really wasn't. so i was the redneck in korea hollering out my laundry room window for biggest & middlest who were next door playing. they finally heard me, came up & couldn't get the door open either! at this point i'm kinda panicked...i had to leave to pick 1 up in like 20 minutes...so i send them to get the property manager who lives on site. he wasn't home so they brought the property manager's wife. so thundering up the stairs come: biggest, middlest, the neighbor guy whom i met while hanging out my laundry room window, the neighbor kid & the property manager's wife. the whole time they are walking up the 6 flights of stairs, i'm pushing the button with the same result as before. then, true to my luck, they all get to the top of the stairs, biggest punches in the code & the door opens! agh! i apologize profusely, biggest & middlest come in the house, everyone else goes back downstairs. biggest pushes the button to open the door...to test it, you know? and what do you know? it's stuck again! apparently it works 1 in 5 times. so i finally get out to get 1 & we come home & it opens. i change the batteries b/c 1 thought that might be what was wrong with it. nope. still stuck! so i'm locked in the house again!

then the realtor calls. apparently i'm not supposed to go get the property manager on my own. apparently i'm supposed to call her so she can call him (does the term around your ass to get to your elbow mean anything to anyone?). oops, sorry, claustrophobia will make you do irrational things. she promised to have someone here in 5 minutes to rescue us but it's been like 25. no telling what's going on. i really hope the dog doesn't have to pee anytime soon. that could be bad.

upside? tonight is laundry night! i guess if i can't get out to do it, it won't get done, now will it? haha!

ugh.

2008-07-20T02:18:00.003+09:00

apparently 1 has brought me to the land of huge bugs & big storms. not sure if i was given some bad information (ahem) before agreeing to move here or if he was but either way some things i wasn't expecting have come to light.

i hate bugs. oh my gosh despise bugs with all my passion & if there were no bugs here, i wouldn't miss them. spiders? all that times a kazillion. for real. so tell me why i'm living in a country where bugs outnumber humans by about 4000 to 1? and that's saying a lot considering how many people are crammed into this illinois sized area. and apparently 37% of the spiders are camped out in places that i go. often. such as 1-my porch, 2-the water park, 3-outside the laundromat & last but absolutely not least for heavens sake 4-in the skylight OUTSIDE MY FRONT DOOR. gah. they tell people who are afraid of heights to not look down. i should not ever look up. because that's when i see the massive black fat bodied spider appearing to attempt to land on my head. oh my word. i'd rather deal with a palmetto bug than them fat ass spiders.

i have hired biggest to kill the centi-milli-kilo-pedes that are stalking me. i swear they are. everytime i turn a corner another one appears. and you can't tell me it's the same one since biggest grabs them & flattens them & flushes them. see ya sucker! he gets paid $.05 per bug/spider he demolishes. middlest was interested in the program until she discovered that it meant being on call for massive black fat bodied spiders as well. then she changed her mind. she tried to kill one of those MBFBS the other day with a hose. it jumped on her, she shrieked & that was the end of her campaign.

we heard that there were no thunderstorms around here. ahahaha. we heard wrong. a massive one showed up directly over our house the other day at 5AM. surprisingly, littlest didn't budge from her slumber in the middle of our bed. not sure how that happened as the dog was climbing all over everyone in the bed until the storm moved out & he settled down. crazy canine. and now we are waiting for typhoon kalmaegi to show up tomorrow. in the states, we'd be boarding up windows & fighting in the aisles of walmart for the last bottle of water. here? meh. we just sit & wait & maybe we'll get some rain & maybe we'll get some wind & most assuredly the kids will stay inside all day hogging up all the electronic devices. boooooringgggg. not to mention it is monsoon season & any rain kalmaegi doesn't bring, the monsoons certainly will. apparently they are behind schedule this year so it hasn't been too bad thus far. we'll see what the next few days brings.

i suppose the silver lining to all this is that excessive rain=cooler than 2000 degrees in my house. i guess that counts for something.

swimming pool observations

2008-07-20T02:09:00.002+09:00

i think i was getting jaded as it has been a way long time since i "observed" anything! so, without further ado, observations from the swimming pool/water park!
earlier observations reside here: http://notthemonster3.livejournal.com

1-an earlier observation stated that the ladies here wear heels or boots with everything. yes, that still holds true. esp. since i saw a lady at the water park today in her bathing suit with a pair of 3 (or was it 4? they were HIGH!) inch heels on standing next to the middle kid pool. no kidding. she was standing about a foot from the water talking to someone. i had seen a pair of heels next to a pool chair before but never saw anyone in them. until today. i am happy to report, though, that she took them off before she went down the water slide.

2-speedos. need i say more. i mean, if they were just on little kids it wouldn't be that big a deal. but they aren't. yikes. and then there are the guys who wear the super-duper-tight-&-i'm-going-to-be-an-olympian-when-i-grow-up swimming trunk. either way, neither one of them leaves anything to the imagination. i would like my imagination back, now, please!

3-nakie people. in the locker room, not on the pool deck. i guess i've just never really been in places where nakie is normal. when i used to go to the gym, i would shower at home so i wouldn't really use the locker room so i didn't notice nakies. and i guess since we all have the same thing, it really isn't that big a deal. and showing the world your outside & inside during childbirth does kinda ruin any sense of modesty, ya know? but it did just kinda catch me off guard when i walked in the door (covered by those plastic sheet things...so there really isn't a door but you have to push through the sheets to get in...know what i mean?) & there was a lady standing right there! all nakie! aaah! surprise! but judging by the look on her face, i surprised her too. hello lady. it's a doorway. people go in & out. perhaps you should take your boobies elsewhere.

differences

2008-07-06T01:43:00.004+09:00

i could be wrong here. i'm not sure.
there's a guy here in the same country i'm in & he blogs: http://walkingalongtherailways.wordpress.com

1 showed it to me the other day. he's an english teacher & has some interesting observations. one of which was about going to a convenience store & having a relative of one of his students recognize him buying something potentially embarrassing. not sure if it was in the same post or one nearby (trying to catch up to him so am reading a kazillion posts all at once & some get a little confused), but he also spoke about teachers not having to get up at the butt-crack of dawn to get to school on time. which therefore frees them up to have "adult time" more nights of the week than just friday & saturday. maybe it's just me but whenever i go out, the next half day is sponged up by recuperation time which is generally copious amounts of sleep. so butt-crack or not, i probably wouldn't be a most effective teacher on any morning where i went & partied down the night before.

and the point is... (man, i must be the tangent QUEEN!) it doesn't seem that teachers are held to the same "holier than thou" standard around here as they are in the states. it is probably just the culture. they take/eat/drink/snort (haven't really figured it out yet) ginseng which is supposed to be healthy, drink (i know this one!) vitamin drinks, don't seem to eat (hey 2 points!) as much fatty garbage as americans do (course McD's is probably going to change that) & i don't see an awful lot of fatties running around here. but they do smoke. oh they seem to love to smoke. all the time, everywhere. it doesn't appear that it has been illegalized anywhere here at this point. and nowhere seems to have a designated smoking section except on base (duh, it's american!). while i don't much care for the kids being exposed to smoke, i can keep them away from it for the most part. but if they want to do it, whatev. no skin off my nose. that & the whole soju thing. whoo hoo! drink another! we see it everywhere. it's the thing to drink. apparently teacher friend drinks a lot of it. whoopy doo again. he doesn't seem to have any concern about purchasing either of these items (although i'm not sure if he's a smoker or not) from his student's family members at the family mart.

i would think that as long as my child's teacher was doing his/her job TEACHING & not screwing my child up, i don't much worry about what they do after the bell rings. so long as it is not illegal, who cares? is what a teacher does on his private time going to affect my child? as long as it remains on their private time & not in the classroom, i think live & let live is a good philosophy to follow. i feel like in the states, teachers are scrutinized for every little thing. and, since they are guiding the young minds of tomorrow, perhaps they should be but within reason. they should not be forced to give up all of their private lives just because of their choice of profession. and i think it may have to do with all the governmental babysitting going on over there. it's almost as if no one can use their own brains anymore so they have to be told when & where & how often & how much. which curtails a good bit of free expression. and this goes for so many things in the states. it's a shame.

round here, though, it seems to be the attitude of "fork it up, your fault. don't fork up!" there aren't inspectors around to require safety restraints for high-rise workers, people all drive like bats out of hell, scooters are ridden everywhere but up walls, and it's everyone's own responsibility to watch their own ass. not expecting someone to watch it for them. so if a teacher gets a little too yippee ya hoo the night before, who cares? so long as they are ready & willing to do what they gotta do in the morning. and if you happen to purchase a bottle of soju from your student's uncle...does it really matter? careful about unveiling your best korean though as you might get invited to a drinking contest. and that would probably be best undertaken on the weekend.

um...tense much?

2008-07-03T12:28:00.004+09:00

i have an addiction. it's a harmless addiction. it's an online game. a cross between slots & bingo named...get ready for it...SLINGO! no skill necessary, just push the button (slots) & match the numbers that come up to the numbers on your card (bingo). and because i know i could sit here & play it for hours & hours & never put away laundry or change diapers, i limit myself to 3 games at a time. self-control. yup, that's me.

so at 5:30 this morning when littlest decided-against my protests-to get up & get moving, i played a game of slingo while she ate her breakfast. or threw breakfast on the floor, whichever. at 5:30 in the morning, i'm not lucid enough to care or be able to prevent it. or see it but that's another conversation entirely.

there's this nasty little guy who makes his appearance in slingo...he's a devil & when he shows up, he grabs your little character by its foot & shakes it upside down which handily disposes of half of your coins. he sucks. i can't stand him. and it's a "thing" in slingo that when the devil shows up, you type a little "dd" (damn devil) in the chat bar to let people share your pain. and generally you'll get a "ss" (so sorry) back. and that's usually the extent of my chat because usually something else is going on while i'm playing slingo-middlest & biggest beating on each other, littlest throwing food on the floor, 1 asking what's for dinner & when...etc., etc., etc. & honestly? i can't put any more effort into it.

so i'm playing & ignoring the Kix on the floor & get that stupid little guy so i hit "dd" & get a "ss". and a few seconds later, a yw (you're welcome) from the same person. but i didn't notice that until he called my name. um, yes? and jackass proceeds to tell me i didn't say thank you. um, what? so i hit him back with a "manners police much?" because seriously? are you my mom? i passed up needing manners reminders quite a few years ago. dude. this is an online game. so sorry if not getting a thank you ruins your day.

that stupid little game is my escape. the last thing i need is some hyped up asshole telling me that i didn't thank him for typing 2 little letters. get over yourself. get a hobby. find some friends. just try not to police them because they probably won't stick around too long.

yes! it's not just me!

2008-07-02T14:51:00.003+09:00

Not Quite What I Had Planned: CUL8TR! ROFLMAO! SDOISJNFODAVFBIDHNFOE!!!

(click above link)

i am so totally not the only one. thank God. i thought i was one of a dying breed.

when did our (read:American) culture become so entrenched in entitlement? why so much of the "keeping up with the Joneses"? the "he's got one & now i NEED one" outlook on life? where did the live within your means & be happy with what you have rather than unhappy with what you don't have mentality disappear off to?

last year while frantically trying to pack up my house (that never did get finished, by the way, until the temps moved in & finished it for us. thanks bunches!) amidst my first year of homeschool & a always fussy baby, i discovered that we had way.too.much.crap. i mean really. so much stuff got thrown/given away last september/october. and i doubt i will ever miss any of it. who needs all that junk? i had like 17 vases. um. and they all looked pretty much the same. um again. i think i kept 2. why on earth would i need more than that? there was just too much junk to mention. and judging by the amount of junk, we just kept buying more on top of more. why? what is the point?

i guess i should fit this in with the cell phone post. i did not own a cell phone until i was 23. or 24. one of those numbers. i had a pager at the age of 18 that i paid for with my own money from my own job. i had nothing before that. there were payphones to be used or my friend's houses all had telephones. in my preteen-early teen years, my mom had a pretty good idea of where i was most times. late teen-not so much but we won't talk about that right now. i feel like i need to have that hold over my children now. there is so much worse stuff out there now compared to 20 years ago (what! that long?) that i don't think my children need to be out roaming amidst it unleashed. so i want to know where they are, who they are with and what they are doing all the time. some may argue that with a cell phone, they are instantly accessible at all times. um. no. speaking from experience here-that damn thing has an off button & it isn't beyond the stretch of most anyone's imagination to use it. and "oops, i didn't realize" would probably be the most common excuse. hell, i turn my ringer off sometimes & forget about it which renders me unreachable and that's accidental (not that many people call me over here, but you get the drift). i'd much prefer my kids have a specific place to be at a specific time & be required to contact me should things change rather than myself have to track their little tails down if i need them.

not to mention the whole texting thing. um, point? like the OP said, why not just pick up the goshdarn phone & call someone? oh, that's right, perhaps a phone ringing at midnight when the telephone cut-off is 9 would give away the game. why put sneakiness into the hands of children? they are predisposed to test any and all limits imposed on them. i, for one, don't feel we need to tempt them further.

cell phones in my house? mom & dad have one. that's it. temptation does break through on occasion such as when the oldest's friends call 17 times in one day. (he's a BOY. why is he spending so much time on the phone?) and i get tired of answering it. but then i recall all the arguments i just made (they make sense to me, jumbled as they are) against teen+phone & the temptation subsides. there's plenty of time for technology to catch up to us. now is not that time.

worthwhile

2008-06-27T19:39:00.004+09:00

biggest went to bed the other night & then tried to give me a heart attack by getting back out of bed & sneaking up on me while i was trying to fumble through the maze of wires behind our entertainment center in order to plug in the laptop. ANYWAY...

he was having a "bad thought". he was thinking that perhaps the-one-who-gave-birth-and-walked-away had (*gasp!*) lied to him. because she promised she'd be at the airport to see us off. but didn't show up. and, when called, pled traffic. which, in charleston, is extremely possible. but you'd think you'd plan better if it was your first-born leaving the flippin country. course, that's probably just me. and now, 8 months later, biggest is thinking that maybe she lied & wasn't sitting in the car...was sitting in her office chair. which, i'd have to admit, is unfortunately entirely possible. and dammit does that piss me off.

and, right or wrong, i treated him to a talk about bad habits & how they are very hard to break especially when you do them for years and years & it isn't in your (misguided) best interest to break them. and that when he felt we were yelling at him unjustly, we were trying to prevent him from creating some bad habits that may follow him into adulthood and continue the trend of screwing up other people's lives. you know, break the chain & all that.

and again it just really pisses me off because she has no clue what she is doing. her sight doesn't extend beyond her own bubble. it can't. she doesn't know how to make it so. and this has been going on for a long time now. and all we can do is watch her dig her grave deeper & pick up the pieces behind her.

and then after all that & the tears & the hug & the talk, the oldest said "i'm glad you're here with us". and then all of it, all of it, became a little more worth it. would that i could hear it all the time (from all of them...not just him) but then it wouldn't make such an impact, would it?

gas prices

2008-06-24T23:30:00.002+09:00

yes. i went there.

i went & filled up our truck today. to the tune of $79. (wasn't completely empty). and the attendant said "i have some bad news for you." and then i found out that right around the first of next month, gas will be going up to $4.97 a gallon. that's right, ladies & gentlemen, just under $5 a gallon. i mean, what? the reason why it is so high in the states is because of the all the taxes the government levies on the people in the name of new roads. **snort** new roads. AKA start-a-project-fork-up-traffic-more-than-lowcountry-traffic-is-normally-forked-up-leave-it-forked-up-for-2-years-while-4-people-hold-the-stop/slow-sign-&-everyone-else-works-at-the-rate-of-1-inch-per-hour-and-then-end-with-a-road-that-must-be-patched-in-2-weeks. (oops, sorry, i digressed) well...um...if our gas here has taxes on it, what are those taxes going toward? i'm a bit confused. if someone knows who i need to ask this question of to get a straight answer, please let me know because $4.97 a gallon? i'm gonna have to buy a new pair of tennis shoes instead. i see a lot of walking in my future.

as it was, after paying $79 to fill up the truck, i drove to the commissary & PARKED the truck, walked middlest & biggest to the movie theater, kept littlest & walked to the library, to the travel office, back to the truck, to the BX, back to the truck & into the commissary. we probably would have walked to the mail room but were running short on time. and this was in flip flops. i think i was in shock over the bad news.

argh!

2008-06-24T23:27:00.002+09:00

you know when something keeps happening over & over again & it is driving you absolutely up the freakin wall but you can't do anything about it because there is nothing that can be done except deal with it? that's me RIGHT NOW. sorry to be so vague but there isn't anything else i can say about it except that. just wanted to share my annoyance with someone. thanks.

well that was nice!

2008-06-21T16:18:00.002+09:00

last night was laundry night. that's right, ladies & gentlemen...friday night in my household is one party after another...8 loads of laundry makes for a great time! i'd say the only redeeming factor is the "alone" time in the launderette while 1 stays home with the kids.
i pull up to the launderette & there are about a kazillion cars in the parking lot but no one in the place. whatever. i don't get it either. there are 3 men standing outside the launderette chatting. i get out of my truck, open the back & grab 2 baskets. head towards the door. i swear, those men about ran each other over trying to get to the door first. and wanted to know if i needed any help. um, not really, just get the door & i'll be fine. but apparently someone raised these men right because they wouldn't take no for an answer. so one guy got the other 2 baskets, the other guy shut the truck & the 3rd one held the door. and they wanted to know if i wanted any dinner because it sure did look like i was going to be there for awhile! no thanks...peace & quiet & a kid free 2 hours is all i need. thanks for the help!
so what if they were probably almost as old as my dad. it's nice to be catered to every once in awhile. makes a girl feel pretty darn good.

my...well, just my.

2008-06-21T16:07:00.003+09:00

i put on a cute pair of shorts today. i don't usually wear shorts. because where i'm usually from, most everyone is not as pigmentally challenged as i am. so i stand out like a sore thumb. a blinding sore thumb. seriously, wear your sunglasses. but here? where i am now? i fit in! people don't worship the sun here. they actually walk around under umbrellas when it's bright out so they can keep their pretty skin and not be walking advertisements for chemotherapy. nice, huh?
anyway. these shorts. i love them. they are linen...i love linen. wrinkles and all, i love linen. so cool and light. so nice. and they are drawstring which i like too. not that i can explain that. i just do.
and i put them on. and made the mistake of looking in a mirror. what the holy hell? where exactly did that ass come from? i am just disgusted. it didn't seem like i still had any baby weight left. matter of fact, the scale swears to me that i don't have any baby weight left. and most of my pants are actually just a little too loose. and i always "lose" my hiney at about 8 months pregnant & don't get it back until the baby is about 3 years old (ok, so i've only done the getting back part once but i swear it happened). so why do i look like i am about 3 feet wide from the back? littlest is only 14 months old! guess it's time to get the elliptical out of the laundry room where it's been since...um...**blushing**...it was "temporarily" placed there while we had house guests. yeah. definitely time to get it out of there.
and my dear 1? mr. perennial foot in his mouth himself? when asked if he thought my butt looked bigger? answered...you're just getting back what you lost. !!! whatever dude. guess what you just lost? that's right. better start kissing that big huge butt now if you have any hopes of redemption.

ah...the smell of bureaucracy...

2008-06-18T23:24:00.002+09:00

in the morning? SC's morning, that is.

we're visiting the states in august. i figure i'll use my time wisely to take the littlest one to her pediatrician. BUT her pediatrician can't give the DT shot-she doesn't get pertussis vaccine. which means i have to go to the health department to get the shot she CAN have. which necessitated a phone call to that delightful entity.

a lady answers the phone. i tell her most of the littlest's life story. she says "oh, let me transfer you". oops. i get connected to a very polite young lady who takes all my information down but informs me that she is only a "fill-in" in the office & must double check with the nurse to be sure that they can give that shot. cause, you know, i'm doing something outside the blindly led norm. belie the fact that the littlest's info is IN THEIR COMPUTER. and the one and only time she has been to the HD, was to get the shot that is now in question. ugh. ms. polite comes back & confirms my appointment but would like to know why, exactly? does the littlest not get that vaccine? cause the nurse told her to ask. and i bite my tongue & manage to inform her of the familial (but she heard familiar, apparently) allergies & leave off the part about THIS IS MY BABY, NOT YOURS & NO ONE CAN MAKE ME DO WHAT I DON'T WANT TO DO WITH HER. but then i still have to speak with the nurse. i guess to confirm that i am not, in fact, one of the stupid unwashed masses with no critical thinking skills & yes, thank you very much, i have thought this decision through & (last but not least) if you think that i'm going to put this baby through what the middlest went through with that horrid vaccine, you've got another think coming & make it quick before my head explodes.
"ring, ring" and the nurse picks up but all i hear is someone saying "she must have hung up" and then a click. hello, hello? sigh. dial the number again.
"ring, ring" yes, i need to speak to nurse shirley? oh, yes, i'll transfer. and nurse shirley answers & we have the same conversation about FAMILIAL allergies & apparently i'm on my way to confirming to her that i'm not a complete idiot when the phone cuts off. are you kidding me? sigh. dial the number AGAIN.
"ring, ring" yes, nurse shirley again. and the phone rings thirty eleven times & the hold music comes on & then it rings nineteen more times & ms. polite picks up again. huh? how'd i get you? and i ask for nurse shirley again & get transferred again & thank goodness my head hasn't exploded yet b/c then my kitchen would really be a mess. and finally nurse shirley answers again & is all chipper, haha and why not? her morning has just started & she has no way of knowing that i sat in a 1600 square foot apartment all day with rain pouring down outside & a 14 month old who won't. stop. screaming. ARGH. and i finally convince her that please. i just want a DT shot. for my baby. and HEY check your computer, you gave her one of those a year ago so i think it will be fine to do it this time, too, ya know?
but i guess her computer is about as up to speed as her telephone is b/c then she proceeds to call the littlest...you know, the one with tons of hair bows & barrettes & a tutu & sparkly pink shoes & a daddy who has decreed that she wear dresses all summer long..."he". i know littlest isn't standing in front of her and all but really? you can look at the name that the littlest has & still call her a he? i can't imagine someone naming a little fella that name. no freakin way. and this is the option i have for injecting my babe with that garbage? ugh. please. between now and august 6th, kindly remove your head from your butt before sticking a needle in my baby. that's all i ask. please.

well that sucked.

2008-06-14T23:05:00.004+09:00

yeah apparently i don't know the difference between 3:40 & 4:30. or maybe it's just that i cancelled one appointment for 3:40 & scheduled a new one for 4:30 & got them mixed up. the upside? we got to walk around downtown pyongtaek for 45 minutes while waiting for the right appointment. and we found a converse store, a miscellaneous shoe store & a stationary store. and then i had to hand out promises to go to all the aforementioned stores once we're ready to go back to school. so i'll have to jam that in between recovering from jet lag, moving & starting school in the fall. argh. sometimes i speak too soon.
and then we finally made it to the appointment for the proper time & i had to sit in the waiting room & listen to middlest cry as they pulled 2 teeth with minimum anesthetic. and that hurt my feelings since i told her to let them do it because they were just baby teeth & it wouldn't be that bad! and since they had just pulled 2 teeth, she couldn't try on her newly adjusted retainer before we left. and we drove all the way back to the base. and then she tried to put it in. and it wouldn't go. so i had to drive. back. to. pyongtaek. in traffic. and our favorite mr. valet guy was gone for the day-locked up shop-leaving me to park my truck in the eensy beensy parking garage with the ginormous pillars. but miraculously i didn't hit one & we ran upstairs so they could tell us that the retainer was broken & we needed a new one. so apparently we get to spend next week at the orthodontist again getting 2 new retainers again. i don't think i like the orthodontist anymore.

...cont.

2008-06-11T00:38:00.006+09:00

pick up your socks. your dirty socks that i have asked you 47000 times to NOT leave in the floor. why must you incessantly tease your sister? if you are going to have to end the conversation with "i'm just kidding" in a snot nose tone, then you don't need to have the conversation to begin with. please sleep all night long in your own little bed because you are so much happier when you get enough sleep. no, you may not stay inside all summer long rotting your brain with video games. go outside today while it is not raining & thank your lucky stars it's not 100 degrees + humidity like it is in certain other places that shall remain nameless. stand up straight so you won't have a hump in your back when you're older. you're too pretty to have poor posture. why oh why do i pick up the same dang toys 13 times a day? argh! can't you pick them up on your own? you can walk, you know where your room is & you're good at putting things in your myriad boxes.

and to think that those other families will never. have. to. say. these. things. again. and the ache gets a little bit bigger. so tonight i'll pick up your socks & ignore the teasing because that's what they all do anyway & i won't sigh if the monitor erupts at 3:00 am & if you linger over breakfast tomorrow, i'll let you because at least you are here & we'll work on your posture tomorrow & i'll pick up the toys for the 14th time before i go to bed. because today you are here & i am so thankful for that.

Pain

2008-06-10T10:08:00.002+09:00

Public, private, strangers, friends, family members, local, worldwide. It's all the same when a child has gone from the arms of the family that loves him or her. I cannot imagine the pain these families are feeling. All we can do is pray.

http://www.stevencurtischapman.com/

http://www.charleston.net/news/2008/jun/04/childs_death_mystifies_mother43305/

ZIEG, Brayden Russell, 1, son of Jacob and Michelle Ainsworth Zieg of Summerville, died Friday. Arrangements by Dyal Funeral Home.

it's all just unbearably sad.

what the friggin hell?

2008-06-08T01:35:00.004+09:00

ok so i'm a grammar bitch. i can't STAND when things aren't worded properly or spelt right. bad punctuation pisses me off, too. so why why WHY would one go on a public forum & proceed to use the improper form of a homonym to describe something? case in point: hard WEAR when hard WARE is meant. come on. you say you're a pro...shouldn't you at least have a CLUE as to how to spell the stuff you use all the time?
or...complimenting someone. hellatious? what kind of word is that? HOW ABOUT A DICTIONARY DUMBASS! hellacious. there. now go fix your freakin post. and one more...YOU DESERVE IT BECAUSE YOUR GRATE AT WHAT YOU DO...man, that one manages to stuff two screwups in one sentence & the original post was all in caps just like that! somehow that sentence goes from trying to be a compliment to being a sentence that tells someone they deserve something because their piece of material used to prevent something from going somewhere it shouldn't rambles into a non-sequitur.
i'm going to start a business. where what i do is correct people's publicly posted stupidity. but it probably wouldn't fly too well as i strongly suspect that people would prefer to look like absolute morons to the rest of the world than to have someone correct them.
oh and one last one. on base? the AMERICAN ARMY BASE? there are signs that are mispelled or grammatically incorrect. i was pondering this one day & it was brought to my attention that probably those signs were produced by people whose first language is not english. ok, that's all well & good considering where we live. but for God's sake...it's an AMERICAN ARMY BASE! which is supposedly american soil as in america...where the 1st language is still english no matter how many people try to change it. so wouldn't you think you could try to get your act together & make sure your signs are right?
oh and don't get me started on things like "u" for you, "r" for are & "peeps" for people. it just makes my skin crawl. and then i think of marshmallow candy. and then it just pisses me off even more because easter is long gone & where's my bunnies?! (see...there's my own little non-sequitur for the day)

hmm...

2008-06-07T18:51:00.002+09:00

so good ol' hillary is conceding. seems she couldn't come up with(read, pay with her general funds misusage) enough delegates & good ol' obama is taking the nomination. does this set up hillary to become our next v.p.?
it's my opinion that when chilly willy was president, he was simply the mouthpiece for hillary to trumpet her ridiculous plans & policies. which makes me wonder if she can handle a v.p. seat. are her ego & personality able to take a "demotion" for the next 4 years?

i'm a big kid now!

2008-06-02T23:32:00.002+09:00

i guess i figured it was time to get a "grown up" blog. not to say that i'll be killing off the other one...that will remain the Mommy blog. this is...well, it's just me!

cool stuff to start it all off:

and: