slacker (again)

i just haven't had the energy to get on here & impress everyone with my scintilating wit & biting sarcasm. several things have happened in the lives of people i'm close to that have sucked up all my time, thought processes & energy. i feel like i'm needed in two places at once for different people and different reasons and i can't figure out how to spread myself between that, the family and school.

i feel as if the world is imploding around me and thank Heaven that mine seems to be, at the moment, shakily stable. and then i feel guilty because what right do i have to have a stable world in the face of all this other pain and need?

i think my girls will be ok. one seems to have a plan that is exciting her more and more each day. the other will cope, as she always does. strong, that one is. and i think there is someone in her life who can draw her out of herself like no one else ever has been able to.

but that won't stop me from worrying about them both. and wanting to sacrifice myself-my sleep, my sanity, my fantastic story-telling skills-to try to plan anything, everything, all things to make their worlds right again. i can't take back what has gone before. i so desperately want to pick up the pieces, turn back time, re-erect the towers that fell but i can't. for one, i can't even hold her hand or rub her back or let her sleep like i so desperately want to. it is driving me MAD.

B-i love you. i hurt for you. i'm glad G is there to do all the things i wish i could.
G-i hate that this happened to you. i'll be mad if you want me to. barring that, i'll be available for therapy whenever you need.

and for other people who will remain nameless for various reasons...i hope things can straighten out. i don't know that there is much else i can say.