anatomy of a korean hospital

and it began yesterday when someone called me & (i think) told me to be there at 8:00 am instead of 7:30. again, i think. so that's what we went with. good thing i heard on korean television yesterday that a person can be up to 30 minutes late to a person's home in korea without it causing an international incident.

and at 6:30 this morning, out the door we went. into the rain & nasty & down the road.

and i showed the fellas in suit jackets my little piece of paper & they used their badges to let me in the door & into another door where surprise! the lady who met me there didn't speak english! oh this should be interesting!

but somehow an english speaker was located & came out to take me to the changing room & tell me to take off my everywhere? and my underwear? and all this accompanied by hand motions as back up. and a baby screaming in the room i'm headed for. and a basket to put my stuff in with a specific bag for my shoes. he was very specific that that bag was for my shoes. not, apparently, for my head. or my broken self. which, come to think of it may have been easier.

and so i took off my everywhere & my underwear & put on korean hospital pajamas which are top & bottom & no parts exposed (hey! USA! take a note here!) & had the name of the hospital on them in case, i suppose, i ran off or something they would know where to return me to. and put my stuff in the basket & my shoes in the bag & the whole nine in the locker thoughtfully provided & equipped with more sign language to get the thing closed up. oh and take off your glasses & your earring. and no you can't take your ipod to drown out the poor little screamy fella 4 beds down. because men, women & children start off in this preop room with 8-10 beds.

and then hurry up & wait. and someone from the international clinic came to ask questions about eating (11:30 last night) & was someone here with me (1 in the waiting room) and blood type (O...uh...crap. can't remember + or -!). and some tissues for my eyes that seemed to not want to stop tearing up at being left alone in a hospital in a strange land. and then the dreaded nose ring conversation. "you should take it out." um. "you can't or you don't want to?" don't want to? and then rapid fire korean with more hand motions. and then "they will use an electricity to stop bleeding. if you don't take it out, it could make burns." oh. well when you put it that way. and out it came. sigh. and then a few more questions. and a timeline. and this was at 8:00 and they would come get me at 9:30. so what on earth does one do in a korean pre-op room for 1 1/2 hours? sit and wait, that's what.

and an iv showed up at some point. yuck. and then i had to potty. but apparently my limited korean (hwa-jang-shil?) was not very understandable to the poor lady on duty. and since the iv, i couldn't just jump & run for it & lock the door before they got me. so mr. changing room translator was called back into play. and we got sorted out. and then waited some more. and then i got a hat. it was blue & matched the spots on my jammies. and all my hair got tucked in & tied with a bow. and that apparently meant they were coming to get me soon.

andat some point, peace came over me and i relaxed and accepted that i'd be fine. combined prayers of the korean hospital & peninsula & south carolina i'm sure assisted this along. it was such a strange sense, i thought they had drugged my iv. but, no, it was just antibiotics.

and at about 10, as i was contemplating asking for the bathroom again, they came. and "laying down please" as i had been sitting up in the bed & down the hall we went. to operating room 8. and there were about 10 people in there. and one took off my shirt. and one asked if i was married & had baby. and one strapped down my left arm. and one strapped down my right arm. and i think the same one did something to my iv site. but i don't know what because i i didn't look. and the same one asking about my baby said "2 babies delivered normal presentation?" and i said yes. and then someone strapped down my belly and then 2 other someones took off my pants, as i was strapped down & couldn't manage myself. and then someone who looked so young asked my name & what was my surgery & was surprised when i didn't know the name of the surgery so i said cervix & apparently that was sufficient. and the doctor came in & people bowed & he said hello in his british accent & i said hello back. and the same young one looked in my mouth for chipped teeth & then came a mask. "this oxygen mask? you will go to sleep? breathe deeply"..."breathe deeply"...and the beeping & conversation got further & further away and then i woke up.

and the pain woke up & i asked what time it was (11:00) & where was 1 (in the waiting room & i could see him later) & my throat hurt from being intubated & i got a shot of demerol or cocaine or something but whatever it was DIDN'T HELP. and i couldn't go back to sleep because the shot lady said so. and then i went back down the hall to the first room. and they pulled the curtains & put my pajamas back on & opened the curtains & then i went to sleep. and then 1 showed up in his snazzy blue hospital gown & flip flops & aunt jemima hat. and asked for more pain medication. and then things were a little fuzzy & then he left & then i went back to sleep.

and at 1:30ish, i asked for the bathroom. and when it was open, i could go but i didn't have an iv stand & so when i tried to be sneaky & stop at my locker & get my phone & my ipod, i didn't hold the bag up & blood ran up the line. but they allowed the ipod & phone even though i had been naughty & forked up my iv line. and put me back in bed again where i could text & listen to music & occasionally hear my name spoken but still no hope of release. and an xray tech was pressed into service as a translator & asked what did i want (um? to go home?) & if i had any pain (yes! here!) but that was my lower abdomen & i had surgery on my vagina & uterus (well, sort of) & did i have any OTHER pain. well, no. but can i go home?

and at 2ish someone told me i could go home at 3ish. and then someone pulled my iv line. and then 1 showed up in his hospital clothes & then international clinic lady from the early morning question episode showed up & then i could go put on my clothes & mrs. brandi? on the bathroom door in case i needed a pad but i was prepared for all this crap so no thank you, i have one. and then they took my flip flops & i put on my shoes & we slowly slowly made our way downstairs. and paid 1.25 million won for the privilege of allowing them to have me in their esteemed hospital. and then went to the bakery because really? i haven't eaten in about 14 hours & probably i'm a little hungry? and then i got a pretty orchid plant in a pretty little bucket from 1. and then we came home in the rain & at 6ish i took some medicine & slept again. and now i'm awake. for a minute.

these koreans i think are stoics. and i don't think they gave me enough pain meds. so i think sleeping might be the next activity on the agenda as that seems to be the way to deal with this. along with my heating pad.

and we go back to the byeong won tomorrow & again in 2 weeks & again in 4-6 weeks. and no exercise for 2 weeks & then light exercise for 2 weeks. and in 4 weeks i can go to the sauna again. and other things. and then in 6 months dr. park will see us again.

and no more getting sick around here for a year. the medical fund has run dry. between broken me & allergy littlest, we're done. hear that? done! oh. and the nose ring is back where it belongs. and i think i will leave it alone for now. that hurt.