Monday, June 14, 2010

click, click, clique?

poor little neglected blog. sigh. i keep vowing to turn over a new leaf but every time i do, that little jackass flips right back over on me & i don't notice for about 2 months & then hey! yet another neglected blog post! shameful. just shameful.

so i quit the homeschool group. (travelling circus, stop reading're already heard it.)

it was a great group when it started. many different people, many different views, but all meshing together nicely. and plans were emailed & everyone knew what was up. AND THEN THE GREAT PCS EXODUS OCCURRED.

and the group changed hands and whee hoo, yippity yahoo, it all went to crap. for me at least. i'm sure everyone else is happy with it. cause they're a part of the CLIQUE. and i'm not. so poo on them.

i was always the awkward kid. the nerd kid. the funny-looking kid. the doesn't fit in with the "in" crowd kid. and i wasn't the kid that took it gracefully and went about with my other nerd friends, my other awkward, funny-looking friends. i was one who tried to fit in. and by doing so, probably signed my death warrant as the nerd kid who will NEVER fit in. i didn't have the right clothes or the right hair or the right attitude. or the right overly-permissive parents. i didn't have any of what THEY had. not that i care at this point. but back then it was hard. and it seeped into me and now it infuriates me when it happens again. because my 4th-9th grade self creeps out and pouts in the corner while the cool kids flounce around in their name brand clothes.

and that's where the homeschool group went wrong for me. i get that i'm not exactly part of the in crowd with my not-army family and my kids too big or too little to fit in with the mean age of the group. and i don't get all the acronyms and i don't feel the deployment pain and my life isn't totally bound by the rules & regs of uncle sam. but i'm here, with you, away from home, away from any co-op, looking for support in the jungle that is korea. BWAHAHA. shame on me for expecting it.

getting left out of the planning once is one thing. being informed at the last minute about a time change for someone who didn't even bother to attend the event-fine. we'll let it slide. eff me once..shame on you.

but for it to happen again. and for no one to deign to call me, email me, FB me for heaven's sake. for me to have to call around & sort things out from afar, eff me twice...shame on me.

i don't need it. i dno't need the aggravation. i don't need the competitiveness. i don't need the rearing of my childhood's ugly head once a month. i don't NEED it.

so have at it. with your meetings and your cookouts and your field trips. i'll continue on as before except this time without digging up aggravation meant to have been buried 20 years ago.

and if anyone reading this ever catches me acting like the ass i'm accusing these other catty women to be, please do slap me. heaven forbid i ever be an accessory to making someone feel as unworthy as anyone has ever done to me.