30 Day Shred. that's about all i have to say.
i did the 1st day yesterday at about 3:30. by 12:30 last night, i was lying prone on the floor & it almost took a crane to get me up. today? my quads hurt. my abs hurt. my pecs hurt. muscles i don't have a name for hurt.
i don't think i'm that terribly out of shape. i have my "problem" areas & then there is the fact that littlest is almost completely done nursing so my #1 calorie burner has bitten the dust & also my metabolism seems to have finally taken a turn for the worst (gotta love growing up!). i don't get as much exercise as i should. ok, well, fine, i don't get much of any exercise-especially in the cold. but i'm still not a lump on the couch. so i'm surprised how much damage that little 25 minutes worth of workout has done me.
i didn't even use weights-as i don't have any & didn't realize i needed them. maybe i'll get some today. or maybe not. if i feel this broken without them, i'm a little concerned to see how bad it is with.
30 Day Shred - Jillian Michaels of Biggest Loser fame. check it out. but don't come cryin to me.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
catharsis
what is it about women? what is it about the way that we cope?
you rarely see men having a heart to heart. of approximately 50 blogs i read, all but three are written by women. most of them are personal blogs-involving much heart-felt writing about situations that used to be kept behind closed doors. some may argue that this worldwide dissemination of private information is harmful to the sanctity of familial relationships-by airing dirty laundry, we invite the public with their judgment into our private lives which could possibly worsen the problem which started the ball rolling.
but women are built that way. by sharing our pain and sorrow, we decrease the impact of these emotions on our psyche. divide and conquer, if you will. rather than keep it bottled up inside to rot our brains, destroy our sleep & turn our family lives upside down, we share the pain with those close to us. or with anonymous faces via the blogosphere. either way, we attempt to rid ourselves of the poison before it can entrench itself in the folds of our mentalities.
through this expulsion, we reach something of a happy medium. our sorrow or pain is still there but has been diminished to some degree by bringing someone into our heart. this someone is usually a woman-who better to understand us than someone of our own make? someone we can trust to not use our words against us. someone who will offer a hand up rather than a push down. someone who, while they may have not been in our exact pair of shoes, has a pair at least pretty damn similar floating around somewhere in their closet. someone who, like ourselves, has fallen prey to the vultures of darkness, deceit and loneliness at some point in their lives and can relate to our pain and suffering. we should be thankful for this blessing and know that once we've allowed one of these friends into our hearts, souls and minds, they will be there forever-no matter the distance between us.
you rarely see men having a heart to heart. of approximately 50 blogs i read, all but three are written by women. most of them are personal blogs-involving much heart-felt writing about situations that used to be kept behind closed doors. some may argue that this worldwide dissemination of private information is harmful to the sanctity of familial relationships-by airing dirty laundry, we invite the public with their judgment into our private lives which could possibly worsen the problem which started the ball rolling.
but women are built that way. by sharing our pain and sorrow, we decrease the impact of these emotions on our psyche. divide and conquer, if you will. rather than keep it bottled up inside to rot our brains, destroy our sleep & turn our family lives upside down, we share the pain with those close to us. or with anonymous faces via the blogosphere. either way, we attempt to rid ourselves of the poison before it can entrench itself in the folds of our mentalities.
through this expulsion, we reach something of a happy medium. our sorrow or pain is still there but has been diminished to some degree by bringing someone into our heart. this someone is usually a woman-who better to understand us than someone of our own make? someone we can trust to not use our words against us. someone who will offer a hand up rather than a push down. someone who, while they may have not been in our exact pair of shoes, has a pair at least pretty damn similar floating around somewhere in their closet. someone who, like ourselves, has fallen prey to the vultures of darkness, deceit and loneliness at some point in their lives and can relate to our pain and suffering. we should be thankful for this blessing and know that once we've allowed one of these friends into our hearts, souls and minds, they will be there forever-no matter the distance between us.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
peaks and valleys
i got this email the other day. it was from my BFF (that's sure to make middlest cringe-apparently moms aren't supposed to use cool abbreviations or slang terms). she was none too gently informing me of the generally all-around negative tone of my posts lately. and it's ok. BFF has never been one to do anything gently. i think it's part of her charm.
i had already beaten her to it, anyway. i can sense that my tone has changed. and not for the better. i'm in a season, apparently. maybe not so much in my physical life-where i'm living, what i'm doing. but more in my mental life. i'm no longer in a pit for the most part but it seems my attitude is.
i've accepted where i am. i don't always like it but it's not eating me alive like it has done before. and things are looking up on the "get out & do banni things without a kid attached to your hip or wallet" front. so what's up with my attitude? am i that jaded? where is my joy?
i can't figure out where it may have gone. i drew back from the edge of depression a few months ago. best i can figure is that it fell deeper into the pit than i did & is taking a bit longer to climb out. or maybe more than a bit. i wish it would hurry its ass up. i'm getting a little tired of waiting on it! if someone else sees it, please give it my new address & let me know so i can be waiting on it.
and, just for you, BFF-new tunes! you may have to move down the playlist a bit. and they don't really fit in with my theme. but, hey, the things we do for each other! i love you! and i'm so sorry for what's going on in your life right now. even sorrier that i can't be there with you. RLFF-even when we've gone international. i'm still just a phone call away.
i had already beaten her to it, anyway. i can sense that my tone has changed. and not for the better. i'm in a season, apparently. maybe not so much in my physical life-where i'm living, what i'm doing. but more in my mental life. i'm no longer in a pit for the most part but it seems my attitude is.
i've accepted where i am. i don't always like it but it's not eating me alive like it has done before. and things are looking up on the "get out & do banni things without a kid attached to your hip or wallet" front. so what's up with my attitude? am i that jaded? where is my joy?
i can't figure out where it may have gone. i drew back from the edge of depression a few months ago. best i can figure is that it fell deeper into the pit than i did & is taking a bit longer to climb out. or maybe more than a bit. i wish it would hurry its ass up. i'm getting a little tired of waiting on it! if someone else sees it, please give it my new address & let me know so i can be waiting on it.
and, just for you, BFF-new tunes! you may have to move down the playlist a bit. and they don't really fit in with my theme. but, hey, the things we do for each other! i love you! and i'm so sorry for what's going on in your life right now. even sorrier that i can't be there with you. RLFF-even when we've gone international. i'm still just a phone call away.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
#%^@$&%^*&#$^W%#
you know when you are on a road trip & you are really hungry & you finally get to an exit on the interstate that has a convenience store with regular sized bags of chips instead of some scummy rest area that has the stupid snack size bags that are worth about 2 cents even though they charge you $1.25 for them and you run in the store & grab a bag because you are so hungry you could fall down flat in the oil splotch in the parking lot & not notice & then you get back to the car after shelling out $5.00 for a bag that would cost you like $2.00 in the grocery store but you don't care because you are just that hungry & you go to open the bag but it is stuck?
so you sit in the car & wrestle with it for 10 minutes & the asshole behind you is beeping his horn because you are hogging up a gas pump but you are determined to get the damn bag of chips open so you can get on the road without starving to death but you keep tugging on it every which way & it STILL won't open so then you are biting on it & your filling falls out so now not only are you hungry but now your tooth hurts as well & you're on a road trip so you don't really have a dentist sitting in your backseat on call for potato chip related injuries but you REALLY want those chips & you finally manage to get it open but in the worst possible way so it explodes into your face & your car & all your delicious chips are scattered in bits and pieces on your upholstery & in your console & your hair & one seems to have wedged its way into your seat belt since you didn't bother buckling up yet because you weren't actually driving since you've been sitting in the parking lot for 20 minutes now wrestling with a bag of potato chips.
and at this point you're just over the bag of chips so you jam the seat belt buckle in, chip and all, and drive on down the road until you find some crappy fast food joint where you settle for a bag of limp fries and a flat soda.
have you been there? i'm there, right now.
right at the very last point of frustration before the chip bag explodes in my face. and damn it, i don't like it.
so you sit in the car & wrestle with it for 10 minutes & the asshole behind you is beeping his horn because you are hogging up a gas pump but you are determined to get the damn bag of chips open so you can get on the road without starving to death but you keep tugging on it every which way & it STILL won't open so then you are biting on it & your filling falls out so now not only are you hungry but now your tooth hurts as well & you're on a road trip so you don't really have a dentist sitting in your backseat on call for potato chip related injuries but you REALLY want those chips & you finally manage to get it open but in the worst possible way so it explodes into your face & your car & all your delicious chips are scattered in bits and pieces on your upholstery & in your console & your hair & one seems to have wedged its way into your seat belt since you didn't bother buckling up yet because you weren't actually driving since you've been sitting in the parking lot for 20 minutes now wrestling with a bag of potato chips.
and at this point you're just over the bag of chips so you jam the seat belt buckle in, chip and all, and drive on down the road until you find some crappy fast food joint where you settle for a bag of limp fries and a flat soda.
have you been there? i'm there, right now.
right at the very last point of frustration before the chip bag explodes in my face. and damn it, i don't like it.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
just for you, j.b.
so, last night was 1's bowling night. which means it was also 1's go out night. he promised he wouldn't be late as biggest had to be up at the butt crack of dawn to go warm up for his game. and he rolled in later than expected. but he had a good excuse.
remember "R", mr. "homeschool's the debil"? apparently he is also "general civility is the debil" man, too. the normal hangout is a little bitty bar with about 15 bar stools, 2 tables & a pool table. it's a nice little place. it's...just...little. no biggie. when everyone has their manners on. and last night they didn't.
a fella was playing pool & was in a position where he needed to take a corner shot. which meant he would either have to 1-stab the person in the corner bar chair in the belly with his pool stick or 2-ask the person in that chair to move momentarily so that he can take his shot. he chose 2. he had his manners on. guess who was in the corner bar chair?
apparently chaos ensued. R refused to move. period. his excuse? i'm drinking a drink here in this chair & i'm not moving because i don't have to. quite a few people attempted gently assisting him with seeing the error of his ways but no good. the bartender/owner & the previous owner came on the scene. funny thing that the bartender pointed out? that R didn't have a drink. so his flimsy little argument held no water. or jack. or whatever assholes drink.
what the hell is his problem? again with the sense of entitlement. was this a parenting failure? did his parents instill this sense in him? this sense that he has to listen to no one about anything and that, no matter the subject, he wrote the book. or is his ego just naturally supersized? i will never understand how a person can get to the age of (approximately) 40 and not be able to fit themselves into the world without constantly bumping heads & knocking shoulders with the other inhabitants.
is it really that difficult to move your tail for 30 seconds so a man can make a shot? i'm sure that doing that would have endeared him more to everyone-instead he seems to have accomplished the opposite. he was gently removed from the bar. i don't guess it's a lifetime ban & judging by his attitude, he'll be back in there next week stirring the pot just because he can.
and, oh yeah, the kicker? he was out last night. on his wife's birthday. so i guess it's not just complete strangers and/or acquaintances that he treats like dirt. i feel like that should make me feel better. i don't think it does, though. it makes me feel bad for her.
remember "R", mr. "homeschool's the debil"? apparently he is also "general civility is the debil" man, too. the normal hangout is a little bitty bar with about 15 bar stools, 2 tables & a pool table. it's a nice little place. it's...just...little. no biggie. when everyone has their manners on. and last night they didn't.
a fella was playing pool & was in a position where he needed to take a corner shot. which meant he would either have to 1-stab the person in the corner bar chair in the belly with his pool stick or 2-ask the person in that chair to move momentarily so that he can take his shot. he chose 2. he had his manners on. guess who was in the corner bar chair?
apparently chaos ensued. R refused to move. period. his excuse? i'm drinking a drink here in this chair & i'm not moving because i don't have to. quite a few people attempted gently assisting him with seeing the error of his ways but no good. the bartender/owner & the previous owner came on the scene. funny thing that the bartender pointed out? that R didn't have a drink. so his flimsy little argument held no water. or jack. or whatever assholes drink.
what the hell is his problem? again with the sense of entitlement. was this a parenting failure? did his parents instill this sense in him? this sense that he has to listen to no one about anything and that, no matter the subject, he wrote the book. or is his ego just naturally supersized? i will never understand how a person can get to the age of (approximately) 40 and not be able to fit themselves into the world without constantly bumping heads & knocking shoulders with the other inhabitants.
is it really that difficult to move your tail for 30 seconds so a man can make a shot? i'm sure that doing that would have endeared him more to everyone-instead he seems to have accomplished the opposite. he was gently removed from the bar. i don't guess it's a lifetime ban & judging by his attitude, he'll be back in there next week stirring the pot just because he can.
and, oh yeah, the kicker? he was out last night. on his wife's birthday. so i guess it's not just complete strangers and/or acquaintances that he treats like dirt. i feel like that should make me feel better. i don't think it does, though. it makes me feel bad for her.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
more crazy
except this is real world crazy. in the midst of a family "meeting" today, we discovered something sad. the coaches of the 13-15 y.o. boys basketball team here on post have been cursing around the kids. the claim is that it only happened the very last time they had practice. but i have a hard time believing that. so we have our eyes out for this week.
this hurts my heart. i am familiar with some of the boys on the team & they aren't the type of children i'd really like my kid to be associating with by choice. we're limited to sports teams around here so i've sucked it up for basketball season. it doesn't last forever. but before the season/practice even started, i talked to biggest about some of the influences he would be facing by playing with these boys. and that he needed to be sure that those influences didn't find their way into his heart & mind.
i know at this age it is SO hard to use discernment while with peers. some kids don't have any issue holding their own in their own space while others are more subject to being tainted by undue influence. some kids are trying so hard to fit in that their common sense goes completely out the window when it comes to proper decision making skills while with their peer group. it's a hard fact of life. i'm trying very hard to stay out of this process with biggest & middlest so that they can learn the process on their own. sometimes it's hard to keep my mouth shut. it's a learning process for us all.
it REALLY ticks me off that someone who has been tasked...actually, VOLUNTEERED for the job...is not using their adult sense when interacting with these children. these sports are meant to build skills & confidence in these children so that when they play on a less recreational team, they will have a place on that team rather than bench warmer. these skills are meant to be taught in a reasonable environment. i don't consider cursing at players to be a reasonable environment.
granted, 1 and i aren't perfect angels when it comes to keeping our words consistently civil. but i have NEVER until last night heard biggest use anything near a curse word. he's been playing ball with this group for 3 weeks. it leads me to believe that this new found vocabulary wasn't picked up around here. he confirmed that when he told us that most of the players on his team use those words on a regular basis. which is to be expected, i suppose. most of them live on an army post where the soldiers don't know to watch their mouths-i've been witness to that myself. but i don't live on an army post & neither does biggest. i'd appreciate it if the adults responsible for my child several times a week would watch their mouths during their interactions. we're keeping an eye on the situation for the next week. if it doesn't improve, it will go higher up. if it still doesn't improve, i'm gonna have a little talk with the coaches. i'm sure it will embarrass the pieces out of biggest. eventually he will get over it.
he tells us that no one else really cares about the potty mouths on the court. i refuse to be the parent that doesn't care. i can't control everything but you can believe that i am going to work to take care of the things that need to be controlled. i'm learning how to choose my battles. i think this is one worth fighting.
this hurts my heart. i am familiar with some of the boys on the team & they aren't the type of children i'd really like my kid to be associating with by choice. we're limited to sports teams around here so i've sucked it up for basketball season. it doesn't last forever. but before the season/practice even started, i talked to biggest about some of the influences he would be facing by playing with these boys. and that he needed to be sure that those influences didn't find their way into his heart & mind.
i know at this age it is SO hard to use discernment while with peers. some kids don't have any issue holding their own in their own space while others are more subject to being tainted by undue influence. some kids are trying so hard to fit in that their common sense goes completely out the window when it comes to proper decision making skills while with their peer group. it's a hard fact of life. i'm trying very hard to stay out of this process with biggest & middlest so that they can learn the process on their own. sometimes it's hard to keep my mouth shut. it's a learning process for us all.
it REALLY ticks me off that someone who has been tasked...actually, VOLUNTEERED for the job...is not using their adult sense when interacting with these children. these sports are meant to build skills & confidence in these children so that when they play on a less recreational team, they will have a place on that team rather than bench warmer. these skills are meant to be taught in a reasonable environment. i don't consider cursing at players to be a reasonable environment.
granted, 1 and i aren't perfect angels when it comes to keeping our words consistently civil. but i have NEVER until last night heard biggest use anything near a curse word. he's been playing ball with this group for 3 weeks. it leads me to believe that this new found vocabulary wasn't picked up around here. he confirmed that when he told us that most of the players on his team use those words on a regular basis. which is to be expected, i suppose. most of them live on an army post where the soldiers don't know to watch their mouths-i've been witness to that myself. but i don't live on an army post & neither does biggest. i'd appreciate it if the adults responsible for my child several times a week would watch their mouths during their interactions. we're keeping an eye on the situation for the next week. if it doesn't improve, it will go higher up. if it still doesn't improve, i'm gonna have a little talk with the coaches. i'm sure it will embarrass the pieces out of biggest. eventually he will get over it.
he tells us that no one else really cares about the potty mouths on the court. i refuse to be the parent that doesn't care. i can't control everything but you can believe that i am going to work to take care of the things that need to be controlled. i'm learning how to choose my battles. i think this is one worth fighting.
Friday, January 2, 2009
but then the baby woke up...
this has been the story of my life lately. everytime i've started ANYTHING, that baby woke up. that's why i've posted the same damn thing to both blogs - i'm afraid to try to come up with new material. i'm afraid it will be tempting fate. case in point? the second i opened this posting window, we heard her little voice drifting out of her room. "mama? mama? MAMA!" i sent 1 in to deal with it but she wasn't having it. it's nice to be needed but sometimes i need to be not needed. especially in the middle of the night. if 3:30 am still qualifies as the middle of the night. i think it's closer to morning, personally. yes, i know this is posting at 2:30 am. 3:30 was the other night.
so i guess i'm a slacker. there hasn't been any post about my new year or my old year or here's what i want for my next year or this is what was accomplished in my last year. i can't decide if it's because nothing really interesting happens around here or too much interesting happens around here or, oh, hell, just read my sporadic posts for the past couple of months if you want to catch the highlights.
a few random things i've learned:
1-don't plan anything. the baby will wake up. forget about showers until 1 is home & save up those tv shows until she is 19 & out of the house where, if she doesn't want to sleep through the night, it's no longer your problem.
2-don't curse the kitchen. it will fight back & you will spend the rest of the day & the foreseeable future on the couch fighting with 1 and the dog for blanket space & going through bandaids like you were going through midori sours last night. yeah, i was watching. i know what you did last year.
3-teenagers & preteens. don't try to plan anything family related. it causes them to sprout wings & fly away before you've even got the plans out of your mouth. unless you're planning on buying them something interesting. like a skateboard or an archie book. then you can't get rid of them anymore than you can get stop grocery shopping for the ungrateful buggers. i'm just sayin'...if someone has a personal shopper they want to loan me, i won't turn it down.
4-this isn't really something i learned. it's more a question. how the hell is it that your fingers & toes are furthest from your brain but hurt the most when injured?
on that note - i must go beat 1 about the face & head as he just grazed my injured self & the 1/2 a percocet hasn't kicked in yet so i'm suddenly quite grouchy. i think i've entertained you all enough for now with my awesome new year's randomness instead of another same old, same old happy go lucky post. you love me. you know it.
so i guess i'm a slacker. there hasn't been any post about my new year or my old year or here's what i want for my next year or this is what was accomplished in my last year. i can't decide if it's because nothing really interesting happens around here or too much interesting happens around here or, oh, hell, just read my sporadic posts for the past couple of months if you want to catch the highlights.
a few random things i've learned:
1-don't plan anything. the baby will wake up. forget about showers until 1 is home & save up those tv shows until she is 19 & out of the house where, if she doesn't want to sleep through the night, it's no longer your problem.
2-don't curse the kitchen. it will fight back & you will spend the rest of the day & the foreseeable future on the couch fighting with 1 and the dog for blanket space & going through bandaids like you were going through midori sours last night. yeah, i was watching. i know what you did last year.
3-teenagers & preteens. don't try to plan anything family related. it causes them to sprout wings & fly away before you've even got the plans out of your mouth. unless you're planning on buying them something interesting. like a skateboard or an archie book. then you can't get rid of them anymore than you can get stop grocery shopping for the ungrateful buggers. i'm just sayin'...if someone has a personal shopper they want to loan me, i won't turn it down.
4-this isn't really something i learned. it's more a question. how the hell is it that your fingers & toes are furthest from your brain but hurt the most when injured?
on that note - i must go beat 1 about the face & head as he just grazed my injured self & the 1/2 a percocet hasn't kicked in yet so i'm suddenly quite grouchy. i think i've entertained you all enough for now with my awesome new year's randomness instead of another same old, same old happy go lucky post. you love me. you know it.
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