a fucking mess.

that's me.

I don't trust anyone.  or anything.  and when I THINK I'm finally making break throughs with people and my own stupid mind, I am betrayed.  or what I consider betrayed.  and then I'm all "fuck YOU" again and it's over.  not quite before it started.  but close.

I'm over.it.  all.of.it.  I can't decide if it's that I don't know how to be a friend.  or if it's my expectations that are too high.  as in expecting from others what I'd give to them.

what has happened to people?  what has happened to ME?  

it's really just easier to be alone at this point.  I can't decide if there's a lesson in that or not.  possibly there is.  I'm going to act on what I think that is.  maybe if I do that, peace will come elsewhere.

maybe.