crybaby day

or maybe it should read crymommy day. gah.

there is a couple at our church. they have been on an adoption journey for the past few years & it has finally almost fully come to fruition. they are in another country, their daughter is THEIR daughter & they are just waiting on the monotony of paperwork in order to be able to bring her home with them. they sent a video to church so that the church family could see who they've been praying for this whole time. and she is beautiful. and the love shining in their faces is beautiful. i believe those three people have been blessed with each other. what a wonderful gift!

and i cried about the video. cried because of the love shining in their faces. and for the little girl who only knew an orphanage and will now know so much more. and a tiny seed was replanted in my heart.

we had discussed adoption for our family. that, of course, was before squishy & skinny came to live with us. and then we cut off the road for any further squishys or screamys. and 5 is a BIG number. i think i had always planned for 3. i guess the 3 was 3 pregnancies. but then i got a bonus child of my heart upon marrying his father & pregnancy #3...well, God apparently had an extra youngun lying around that needed a home so he got tacked on as a bonus child of my body.

but so many babies out there have nowhere to go. i've followed my friend's blog since before they went to the other country & it is heartbreaking. there are pictures of little ones who have no mother or father to hold them. and her little girl has probably never had a "real" bath. she's clean but her clean comes from a washcloth, not from a bathtub full of bubbles & splashes & giggles.

ehhh. maybe this qualifies me as crazy. but my mom said that her friend, who had 4 children, told her over & over that once you got past 3, it was all insanity all the time so why not keep adding more? something to think about that may lie on my heart for awhile, to be sure.

and then there was a (post)secret (i hope that link works as my internetz have been effing with me big time lately. i'll be surprised if this even posts). wow. just wow. not for what the secret says but for what emotion it drags out of my soul. my babies came home with me. CAME HOME WITH ME. not many get to do that. so many get left behind to grow & heal. and mine didn't. cause God is good like that. but i'm still pained for the ones left behind. or the ones who never do come to an earthly home but instead go straight up to their Father. i can't imagine the pain.

all this to say that i'm ever so thankful for the babies i have. the ones i've carried & the one i didn't. and for their health & my health. but those babies who have no one to carry them have dug a hole in my heart. maybe one day it will be filled with one of them. who knows what life has in store? not us here on earth, that's certain.

shattered

happy mother's day.

would it have killed you to have said it?