Wednesday, January 21, 2009

peaks and valleys

i got this email the other day. it was from my BFF (that's sure to make middlest cringe-apparently moms aren't supposed to use cool abbreviations or slang terms). she was none too gently informing me of the generally all-around negative tone of my posts lately. and it's ok. BFF has never been one to do anything gently. i think it's part of her charm.

i had already beaten her to it, anyway. i can sense that my tone has changed. and not for the better. i'm in a season, apparently. maybe not so much in my physical life-where i'm living, what i'm doing. but more in my mental life. i'm no longer in a pit for the most part but it seems my attitude is.

i've accepted where i am. i don't always like it but it's not eating me alive like it has done before. and things are looking up on the "get out & do banni things without a kid attached to your hip or wallet" front. so what's up with my attitude? am i that jaded? where is my joy?

i can't figure out where it may have gone. i drew back from the edge of depression a few months ago. best i can figure is that it fell deeper into the pit than i did & is taking a bit longer to climb out. or maybe more than a bit. i wish it would hurry its ass up. i'm getting a little tired of waiting on it! if someone else sees it, please give it my new address & let me know so i can be waiting on it.

and, just for you, BFF-new tunes! you may have to move down the playlist a bit. and they don't really fit in with my theme. but, hey, the things we do for each other! i love you! and i'm so sorry for what's going on in your life right now. even sorrier that i can't be there with you. RLFF-even when we've gone international. i'm still just a phone call away.

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