Tuesday, March 6, 2012

almost so long

17 more days until korea is in my rearview, so to speak. could be a few less. but we'll have to see.

i thought i'd be ecstatic to leave this foreign land. but i really can't decide if i am. i've been making lists & marking things off & adding things on...cleaning out cabinets & refrigerators & having the smallest grocery store trips ever. pitching things in the trash or passing them along. it goes on and on....

this was supposed to be a one year tour. "you can do anything for a year, right?" right. the least of which is turn it into two years. and three and four and two more babies and troubled teenagers and a new employer and strange adventures that we didn't imagine and now, four AND A HALF years later, off we go. home again, home again, jiggety-jig.

back to where we started. into the house we left, albeit with more members than we left with. and back to grandparents and other assorted family members, some blood, some not. and familiarity. and everything in our language, without accent or explaining twenty times so as to make ourselves clear. but also to the downfall of our country. and a president who cares not who he harms, only how many policies he can put his name to as his time grows short. and parents who are not raising their children, with the expected results. and a world who has forgotten its Creator, again with the expected results.

and we have five children to help navigate this world. two are well on their way to navigating on their own. i pray that they can avoid the pitfalls and whirlpools that lie in wait. three come behind them that we have what seems so much time to teach but in reality will pass by in the blink of an eye. and maybe this process would be easier here. but, as we've seen over the past year, perhaps not.

so as i tick off my list and think of new additions, tears well and subside with disturbing frequency. as happy as i am to return to where i came from, the relative unknowns stop me in my tracks, disrupt my sleep and gnaw at my mind. this is all i ever wanted, so someone tell me...why the misgivings?

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