Friday, June 27, 2008

worthwhile

biggest went to bed the other night & then tried to give me a heart attack by getting back out of bed & sneaking up on me while i was trying to fumble through the maze of wires behind our entertainment center in order to plug in the laptop. ANYWAY...

he was having a "bad thought". he was thinking that perhaps the-one-who-gave-birth-and-walked-away had (*gasp!*) lied to him. because she promised she'd be at the airport to see us off. but didn't show up. and, when called, pled traffic. which, in charleston, is extremely possible. but you'd think you'd plan better if it was your first-born leaving the flippin country. course, that's probably just me. and now, 8 months later, biggest is thinking that maybe she lied & wasn't sitting in the car...was sitting in her office chair. which, i'd have to admit, is unfortunately entirely possible. and dammit does that piss me off.

and, right or wrong, i treated him to a talk about bad habits & how they are very hard to break especially when you do them for years and years & it isn't in your (misguided) best interest to break them. and that when he felt we were yelling at him unjustly, we were trying to prevent him from creating some bad habits that may follow him into adulthood and continue the trend of screwing up other people's lives. you know, break the chain & all that.

and again it just really pisses me off because she has no clue what she is doing. her sight doesn't extend beyond her own bubble. it can't. she doesn't know how to make it so. and this has been going on for a long time now. and all we can do is watch her dig her grave deeper & pick up the pieces behind her.

and then after all that & the tears & the hug & the talk, the oldest said "i'm glad you're here with us". and then all of it, all of it, became a little more worth it. would that i could hear it all the time (from all of them...not just him) but then it wouldn't make such an impact, would it?

No comments: